It's My Birthday, and Here's What I Know

Yeah yeah yeah, on your birthday you sit down and take measure of what you've learned, where you are, where you're going.

Or, if you're procrastinating, it's when you sit down and actually write out all of the above.

So here's what I know:

1) I am 34. I know this, but hopefully you didn't, at least not when you looked at me. Right?... RIGHT?

2) Age ain't nothing but a number. It might seem self-serving as I edge further into my 30s, but it's conveniently true. I have observed this from a line of people, namely the 100 year old man who just ran a marathon. And my grandma, who, bless her, in her 90s still lives (mostly) alone and gets even more beautiful with age. And my mom, who is in her 60s and just published an incredible novel to much acclaim, just because she's always wanted to. I'm even more inspired by the previous two because we have that whole "genetics" thing going. My mom is still a social butterfly and a beauty and is excited every morning and happy about life; that's an attitude that has nothing to do with when you were born. You can be 16 going on 95 or you can be 95 going on 21. Or you can be 34 and still slightly tempted to lie about it, but that's another story for another day.

3) All you need in life is a few good friends. These good friends will put one candle, not 34, on your birthday cake. Especially if they know what's good for them. You can't choose your family, and hopefully you'll get lucky with them, but if you do, hate to break it to you but... it's not to your credit.

As life throws you more curveballs, you tend to notice who your good friends are, who steps up to bat when it's most important to you- and perhaps not so convenient to them. Having even one of these is a blessing. I have quite a few of them. When I see a new baby, I always wish them good friends (in my head, because saying it aloud is a bit psycho, I'm sure you'll agree). You can't choose so many other factors in your life, and you certainly can't predict what events will come, but you can choose who you are in the trenches with.

4) Trust your gut. The first day of law school, I went to a payphone and cried to my mom that I had made the wrong decision. Now, anyone who knows me raises an eyebrow because I am *not* a crier. And secondly, they raise an eyebrow because they can't believe that in the year 1999, I did not have a cell phone.

That was the first in a long line of times I have overridden my gut or done something because I was "supposed" to do it (or not do it). And guess what? It always backfires, sometimes in disastrous and very public ways (see: my perm, circa 1991). As in decisions, as in judgments about people, you have your instincts for a reason. I finally have learned to use them more, question them less, and save myself a lot of internal debates. I prefer to save my mental space for important things, like contemplating why no one stopped Rick Astley from wearing that trench coat-turtleneck combo in his video.

5) Complain while you're on the treadmill. A girl in high school told me she had given a friend who was complaining about weight this advice: "Complain to me while you're on the treadmill." I hate to side with logic on this one, but I agree. Rather than sit around and complain about what you don't like in your life, complain while you're trying to change it. It takes more work, but it's a tad bit more effective. It takes distinguishing what you can change and what you can't, but this isn't a philosophy lesson.

6) If you're feeling grateful, pay it forward. Every time I feel grateful for something- my health, people in my life, etc., I try to do something to pay it forward. Sitting around and appreciating things is nice, but doing something with your gratitude is more fulfilling. Everyone close to me (and, in an inappropriately-timed revelation, a recent date...) knows about my obsession with adoption and that my biggest concern is children lacking loving people to help raise them. It seems cruel and unfair, especially when I got hit with a double-dose of serious parenting. So this year for my birthday I asked that my friends (and anyone who is so inspired) to consider donating anything they can to the Mama Kevina Boarding School in Uganda, care of Real Medicine Foundation, whose work inspires me daily.

I always roll my eyes when people say it feels good to do something good. So cheezy. And yet, so true. Feel free to roll your eyes, but if you could do so after you press the Donate button, even better!

7) The more you focus on something, the more you allow it to take over your life.
See also: The Kardashian phenomenon.

8) A good cup of coffee fixes everything. I swear by this, as do my friends (at least, the ones I TRUST!) There is nothing I love more than a big cup of coffee with someone I care about, whether it's reheated coffee in my parents' kitchen or a latte with my girlfriends. Coffee has the power to heal, just maybe not heal the shakes I have when I'm done drinking it.

9) It's mind over matter. I don't know if I believe this, but I'm going to have to when I run the Rock n Roll Las Vegas half marathon, in the middle of the desert and at night in a month. This is also relevant when we consider the fame of certain pop stars and other celebrities.

10) Happiness is a choice. Writing makes me happy, so my decision to write this instead of doing my work right now was completely calculated.

In related news, I am overcaffeinated. Today is full of good decisions. Here's hoping the next 34 years are as well.

Death To The Death Penalty!

Well, at least my day started out funny- I was participating in jury selection down at the Superior Court, and as I walked into the Department and saw the small swinging wooden door I actually heard the People's Court theme in my head. Fun day, right? Even funnier when you consider that I have a law degree and almost a decade of legal experience under my belt. And yet my first association is still Judge Wapner. I'm the pride of my profession, I'm sure.

On a much heavier note, today was also the day that Troy Davis was waiting to hear whether he would be granted a stay of execution for a crime he is convicted of having committed in Georgia-- in 1989. I only learned about this case recently, but it's one you can quickly become passionate about. Some witnesses recanted their testimony, there were contradictions, other suspects were repeatedly named, etc. Beyond a reasonable doubt became "not so much". But the Board didn't stay the execution and in Georgia apparently the Governor doesn't have that power.

Tonight people are holding vigils outside the Supreme Court, the last stop for a stay of execution. The news stations couldn't figure out if their sound was out or if the crowd was possibly just that quiet. It's like America suddenly woke up and remembered the ugly law it conveniently forgot about until it was too late.

As a kid raised more conservatively, I was probably for the death penalty at one point -- I'm sure I was (right around the same time I was excited my dad had a picture of Reagan in his office). But during college I studied the justice system more. I was exposed to prisoners and at one point interacted with death row inmates (via camera, mom, don't worry).

During that time in college when I was learning about the corrections system, the socio-economics of crime, and re-examining my beliefs about the potential for rehabilitation, it really began to consume me. Eventually one night I dreamed that I was on death row. I didn't know what I was being executed for, but I was on the phone pleading, begging my mom to come quickly so I could say goodbye. I remember saying (this is 15 years later, so obviously it was traumatic) "Mom, come quickly. They are going to EXTINGUISH me." I woke up in a sweat and have never once since wavered in my opinion that the death penalty is barbaric, and the type of decision we should not burden ourselves with making.

Yet, in various pockets of the country, this is what we do. We extinguish people. Forever. It's one of the completely irreversible things we do- the MOST irreversible thing. In some cases, including the Texan convict executed in Texas today for dragging a black man behind a truck, trust me, every bone in my body WANTS to support capital punishment. But another part of me is willing to give up that revenge if others will give up theirs. Because we are more civilized than that, and especially because we're not always right.

Tonight a friend asked me how I propose we make victims' families feel better. And that's just the thing- do you think you really can? I know that if God forbid something happened to one of my family members, I would want the killer dead. I *get* it. But killing someone doesn't bring someone else back, and it certainly doesn't fix a much bigger problematic system. And many victims even agree with me - read about this amazing anti-DP organization run by victims and their families, for one.

And our system is a mess. If we run the risk of killing even one innocent person (and the numbers of wrongly convicted people popping up through Innocence Projects is rising), we owe it to ourselves to revisit what we are trying to accomplish and if we're really accomplishing it. We are failing ourselves if we stop short. What the death penalty does is satisfy some people's need for revenge, while creating a new generation of suffering in the convict's family. We're shifting where the anger and the anguish reside, but we're not getting rid of it.

OH, and not sure if you heard, but we're in a recession, and the death penalty is pricey. Do we really think we have the extra change to pay for this little habit of ours? To give one example, in my state, California, the current system costs $137 million per year; it would cost $11.5 million for a system without the death penalty. (California Commission for the Fair Administration of Justice, July 2008)
Do you know what I would do with that extra $125M? A hell of a lot. I would infuse it into our education system for one thing. (You can use the Common Good Forecaster tool to examine the impact a rise of education would have in your way- a drop in crime, for one thing.)

If we're tightening our belts, America, maybe we can stop pouring our time, attention, and resources into controversy and anger, and put our money, for once, where the returns are guaranteed? Just a thought.

And in the meantime, all of you who raise a fuss (or ignore) the one time a year a jury summons shows up at your door (and I can tell you off, because I used to be one of you): Go. Sit. Listen. Participate. Do not take our system for granted. And definitely don't waste my time venting about verdicts you don't care for when you can't be troubled to take the day off work to give a verdict yourself.

The justice system is a living, breathing thing, and is powered by people in the community. So tap into your inner Judge Judy or Judge Wapner, or hell, Judge Harry Stone -- and get yourself there. People's lives actually do depend on you.
Troy Davis died at 11:08 ET this evening.

Woman, Define Thyself.

So for some reason the other night I was compelled to look up my own name in Urban Dictionary. I know everyone else Googles themselves (that sounds so dirty), but in a particularly shining fit of procrastination I decided to mix it up and hit up my go-to source when I hear an unknown phrase the kids are using these days (most recently: Hot Karate, my brother's band name).

So, I looked myself up. And this is what I got:






I just wanted you to know who you were dealing with. In case you were seeking a cabbage god to worship, you can pretty much stop right here. You're welcome.

And no, I didn't write these myself. (Was the GRAMMAR not a giveaway, people?) I didn't even know about this site until recently. Although whoever wrote these makes me want to party with some other Lillys. If you know some, send them my way.

My Crystal Ball: Writing the Future of Books

When word came of Borders' bankruptcy, I shrugged and went back to drinking my coffee. Go figure that the first time they'd have a proper, big sale was when they were forced into liquidation. Oh, that reminds me, should I go check my Amazon order status?

It's not my place to surmise what happened to Borders. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn, for a number of reasons I won't list here.

What I am excited about is the opportunities that I'm seeing pop up for publishing as a result of this and some other changes happening in ye olde book world.

When I went to get my MBA a publishing colleague laughed and said, "After you get your MBA you won't be able to work in publishing anymore!" He said that publishing model would drive someone with a true understanding of business absolutely bonkers. I probably fake smiled- how could I ever leave publishing, the love of my life? Silly boy. But he was right -- it happened exactly as he predicted (maybe we should be looking into his crystal ball, not mine). Now I watch the sport of publishing books as a spectator rather than a centerfielder.

Humble opinions bedamned, this is what I think (hope!) will happen in my beloved book world in the not-so-distant future. These are my predictions not only as a businesswoman but, more importantly, as a reader and someone who will someday have to explain to her (unborn) children that she couldn't pay for their college education because once upon a time mommy just HAD to have multiple copies of the complete works of Kundera, leatherbound Agatha Christies, and...an imported copy of Boy George's autobiography.

So, looking in my crystal ball, here's what I see for the future of books:

1) Back to the Basics.

I hope it means we will see more bookstores that are bookstores, not multimedia toy stores. Once you start selling Gaiam yoga mats and Biggest Loser DVDs, you are kinda losing your focus. If I wanted to go to Costco, I would.


2) Rise of the Indie.

People will start going back to local bookstores, both new and used. Or maybe that's just me - I was thrilled to find out about The Last Bookstore, a massive used book store, opening in downtown LA. So enthused that I trekked over the 405 and got myself there to check it out, only to find out that the shelves weren't totally up yet. Whoops.

As I already griped, Borders' liquidation prices were still above what you'd pay elsewhere. Now that we realize we aren't getting that great of a discount, maybe we'll at least request the service to be rolled in. This is the me-conomy, and we want books that are "just right" for us. And here's where local bookstores win. The mom and pop shops know what their readers enjoy reading, because, well, they talk to their readers. A good bookstore (read: an indie) can talk to you about a few books you haven't been able to put down and then recommend another handful. It becomes a really fulfilling exchange. This is something Borders was never able to accomplish just right- handselling. It's a practiced fine art at my local bookstore, Warwick's in La Jolla.

Get caught up on your local indie bookstores here!: http://www.indiebound.org/


3) The E-Books Sales Graph Will Continue To Go Up.

You don't need Miss Cleo to tell you that people will use their internet-ready eyes to read more and more e-books. I think we have gotten so used to the glare of a screen that, for lots of folks, maybe books printed on boring old paper just didn't cut it. We want instant gratification, and e-books offer that.

As an aside, I think we'll see an e-boost from all the men out there who rush to download books in immense relief. For years men have yearned to read titles like Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus or The Notebook, but didn't want to risk public ridicule to do so. Traditional publishing wisdom is that women are the bigger book buyers, but that might only be because guys didn't have a way to sneak the titles they *really* wanted to read.

I'm hearing more and more friends talk about reading on their iPhones, which is impressive to me, and probably great news to the local opthamologist. Personally, I finally broke down this year and read a book on my iPad and... I loved it. I flew through it, actually; for some reason it was a faster read than I'd anticipated. My problems with lighting/reading in bed were solved. My sole complaint was that I couldn't write and underline in the book, but won't be a problem for people who borrow it from me.

I'll always be a fan of the tactile reading experience, but e-readers aren't so shabby, folks.


4) New Platforms, New Voices.

I love that books are vetted by book publishers, but the fact is that they miss out on some great gems. Sometimes the work and the audience publishers need to sell to don't line up. And it used to be rare for authors to take matters into their own hands and continue to believe in their project. Granted, a lot of them shouldn't. I know, trust me, I've read their queries, and oh have I wanted desperately to stop them before the inevitable crash. But other times, the publisher is the one missing out. The old belief that all self-published books are ipso facto crap doesn't stand true.

Some say the book industry going the way of the dinosaur. But let's not insult dinosaurs; they didn't publish a book by Snookie.

High-level publishing has become a business, and by definition it requires business decisions that won't -- can't -- always be in alignment with artistic ideals or good, fun writing. Independent publishing and on-demand formats are filling the gap by allowing a bit more work to get out there.

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the books that stink will continue to be sold only to 45 guilt-ridden close family members and friends, and that's fine. But as more people turn directly to sources, or to online to get their book content, and as word of mouth fuels sales and those sales are less expensive for the author to make, well, we might see some writers step up to the mic that pleasantly surprise us.

So, while I'll miss my place to stop off for a 9pm weeknight cup of coffee and scanning of the shelves, Borders will be gone and quickly forgotten by me, and probably many more people like me. Some people don't realize that the traditional publishing is heavily based on big-box stores, like Borders, having leverage before books are even *published*.

Did you know that a proposed book cover design, if it doesn't float with the Barnes & Noble buyer, gets sent back to the drawing board? So instead of books being dictated by outside forces, the rise of independent publishing means and lower costs suggests that maybe, just maybe, we'll see more people -- and publishing houses -- putting art out for art's sake.


5) Return to Library Row.

Things are changing in the media world. In an anecdote I love retelling, a friend's friend said to him "They should have a book thing like Netflix; where you rent them and then return them and someone else can read it."

Um, that's called a library.

Did I mention we're in a recession? I have this vague hope that, as our wallets tighten, we'll start to feel the outline of our library cards in there. You wanna talk about a green movement? Using your library is recycling at its sexiest.

Read about Save the Libraries here.

Must-See: Beats, Rhymes & Life

I've never been to the movies by myself before. This weekend I came damn close, when no one seemed that interested in seeing Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of a Tribe Called Quest with me. Yes, that's how much I wanted to see it that my compulsively social self was ready to buy a ticket and walk straight in - alone (gasp!). Eventually my kind sister took me, secured with a promise that I would return the favor and see Harry Pottah with her. The things I am willing to do for the love of a good movie.

I was late on the BR&L train; I only learned about it right around when there was some drama bubbling up over the relationship between A Tribe Called Quest, specifically Q-Tip and director Michael Rapaport. Without seeing the movie, I was quick to side against Rapaport because something about him bugs (yes, I dismiss people out of hand like that). It's probably the fact that he makes faces like this:

Going into the movie, you'd think it's going to be a light trip down memory lane. A reminder of the days when it was ok, in fact advisable, to wear baggy jean overalls in public (one strap undone, obviously). And you do get to relive a few memories- the rush of pushing RECORD-PLAY together to grab a song off the radio, or the feel of your first ghettoblaster. But the movie isn't just about the beats or the rhymes, the accent is on "life".

What's so fascinating about the film is that, yes, as has been publicized ad nauseum, Rapaport focuses in on the issues between Phife and Q-Tip. But his chosen emphasis couldn't be more timely. We live in a time when our popular music is manufactured (literally, in Sweden). We take our insight into the musical process from soundbites carefully fed to Rolling Stone or US Weekly. BR&L is much looser (Phife's attention is on the french toast he and his wife are baking, not saying the perfect thing, for example). So it ends up shedding light on the process but also the stresses of creating music when it is a collaboration and a group effort.

After we watched, my sister pointed out "What happened to hip-hop groups? Now everyone is solo." Sure, there are a few (I'm listening to Beastie Boys as I type this), but not many. ATCQ is a relic - how many major *new* hip-hop groups can you think of that have multiple emcee's? Exactly. The idea of getting three-plus groups to form a mega-group a la Native Tongues would never happen today.

It's something you don't think about- I mean, novels are written by one author. Or paintings are painted by one artist. There's no "Hold on- give me your brush. Wait, let me dip it in red. Ok, now try that." If there was, the homocide rate in the world would rise instantly. This sort of collaboration is rather unique to music, and it's something that has become more rare in the hip hop genre.

Put simply, it seems like hip hop artists just don't play as well with others as they used to. They're more likely to bag on each other than to talk them up. It's done for promotion (example: Kanye and JayZ getting ready to release an album together) but they don't melt into one group. The amazing thing about Tribe is that, growing up, most people didn't focus on (or probably even know) the individual members. It's true- you might have known Q-Tip but 99% chance that was after he made his name when he appeared on the Beastie Boys' track Get it Together.

BR&L attacks another nagging question, one that I think about a lot: What happens when you turn what you love into what you do? It's dangerous business. We forget, when we're listening to a record, happily drowning in its beats and sounds, that it took a process to get there, that someone probably stayed up at night, sleepless, trying to figure out a transition or a track list, or how to produce that particular beat just right. We're swamped with so much music now that we can barely keep up, much less on the dynamics or process of one group. We just consume and move on, music bingers. As a result, seeing a famous artist (here: Q-Tip) take his time sorting through records at a store, or sitting in his room to personally pick out a hook is incredible and pretty rare footage.

But this talent comes with risks and challenges (I didn't say I felt bad for them, I'm just observing!). At one point Q-Tip points out that for an artist, "there is no retirement". And he looks depleted when he says this. This isn't a money-making endeavor for him, it's a compulsion, and one that seems to inspire him but also weigh him down. For Jarobi there are other decisions to make; what happens when you are multi-talented?

It's a movie we debated through our lunch afterwards (and in that you have the makings of a great film, because if you can distract me from my food, that says a lot about your work.) And it's easy to talk about for a long time because the story of ATCQ serves as the backdrop to something even bigger. The movie is as much about the rise of the hip-hop scene as about friendship, about the dangers of mixing business and pleasure, the dynamics of making your own art in a commercial space, and the stressors of figuring out who you want to be when you grow up and who you're gonna take with you on that journey. Ultimately, being a Tribe fan is bonus on the journey, but if you're not already, the movie will probably make a fan out of you.

In case anyone is going to do a biopic, I've already thought about this and I'm casting Bill Cosby as Q-Tip and Cedric the Entertainer as Phife Dawg. My casting consultation services are available upon request.

Must-Read: Cloud Atlas

Ironically, I rarely blog about books I love. Technically I could probably have an entire blog devoted to my love of books, my desire to consume them all day every day, and the collection I have that makes my shelves sink. For the most part I figure my Goodreads feed covers the important stuff. But in case you have other things to do, allow me to call your attention to a book I haven't been able to shut up about: Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell.

This book is a reminder of everything I love about being a passionate reader, about fellow readers, and about the potential for great writing in our day and age.

I've been trying to figure out for the past week what it was about Cloud Atlas that so mesmerized me. I barely left the house during the weekend I was reading it. If it was beautiful, I walked outside, still reading. I lay in the sun until I was a crispy red because I couldn't bear to stop mid-chapters. And I had a hard time explaining to my friends what it was that was so compelling. It's tempting to fall upon the words of reviewers - whether it's spellbinding or compelling or tour de force. All those cliches and more apply here.

So here's why you need to read Cloud Atlas:

1) Because it has a cool cover.

Guys don't go up to a girl because she has a great personality, they go up to her because she's hot. You should pick up this book, if not because of anything else I say, because the cover is really beautiful and will look nice as decoration until you heed #5 on this list and crack it open. It's a great reminder that you CAN judge a book by its cover. Whoever says otherwise hasn't talked to Susie G., book butler to the stars (me). (She can call a book based on its cover and has found me some of my favorite reads that way.)

2) Because the concept is cool.

The concept: six stories, lightly interweaving. You read one, it stops halfway, and picks up with a second story. It's been described as nesting Russian dolls, and that's the best analogy I can give you. He takes you around the universe but manages to tie it up. It's high concept but it delivers. Once the concept is laid out, he focuses back on the art of writing. So it's enough of a concept to carry you through times when the writing is harder going, but not one of those high concept/low delivery books. Because, you know, we have enough of those.

3) Because it's work, and we don't work hard enough on our reading.

At times while reading this book you will feel like you're in a graduate class, accomplishing something by getting through the pages (see also: Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl, another favorite). He uses words you won't know, refers to times and places you may not have thought about, and creates future worlds you had never imagined. End result: you will feel smarter. And you should, because you're reading six story lines at once.

4) Because Mitchell doesn't dumb down his writing for anyone.

While I love that certain books encourage readers to read, I fear that more and more people are writing for the lowest common denominator. It's true: simple books are easy reads, and so lots of people read them. If you want a book to sell like Twilight, apparently you need to write as if an ambitious 7th grader took pen to paper. (For a fantastic send-up of the writing in Twilight, check this out- you can thank me later.)

Sophistication makes for awards, not bestsellers. Now that everyone has figured that out, they don't bother writing in a style even a notch more complicated if they can avoid it. But you can tell that Mitchell can't help it. He *is* smart, so his book is smart. His story simply couldn't be told any other way.

5) Because you should learn from my mistakes.

Cloud Atlas was recommended to me years ago by a great bookseller in the Village in NY. I am kicking myself that I can't remember the name of the store or the girl, because I ended up liking the books she sold me very much. And then I'd see it recommended over and over again at my favorite indie bookstore in San Diego, Warwick's. I love bookstores that take the time to personally recommend books, and their recommendations are always, always on point. So on a recent visit I grabbed this and finally done what I should have years ago.

Or maybe you should just read it because I said so.

Look What the Inbox Dragged In.

Once upon a time many years ago a little sister found herself not a big fan of her older sister's dating choices. So rather than roll her eyes, she rolled up her sleeves and quietly stepped in to see if SHE couldn't do better...

Cleaning my inbox tonight, I found a Craigslist post...about me... that my sister had put up moments before admitting the same to me (the admission came via IM. smart girl)

In honor of our sisterly mutual admiration of Millionaire Matchmaker, and mostly because I don't want to ever lose track of this entertaining piece of history, I'm sharing it with you here.

*******

i have a sister who is awesome (and 28 years old). she's been single for awhile, and i feel like all the guys she dates are eye candy/dumb/just not right or nice to her (she usually goes out with hunky tall, dark and handsome assholes - if you're tall, dark and handsome, please keep reading, but if you're an asshole, then there's no need to continue.)
i hereby am holding auditions for the role of 'potential future boyfriend', which may develop into the role of 'potential future friend' or 'potential future funny story to tell everyone we know' to apply for the position concerning my awesome sister who does not know i am writing this, please read the following.


things you need to know about her:

1. she has an irrefutable love of madonna that you can attempt to hold against her, but if you do, then you should probably stop reading at this point.

2. she has sarcasm and wit to boot, so be on top of your email and your comebacks because no one can dish it like her. i would also venture to say that she's probably the funniest person on the planet.

3. she also has an irrefutable love of books: milan kundera is one of her favorites, she likes salman rushdie and rainer maria rilke and 'the prophet', lots of middle eastern literature, david sedaris, etc.etc. her aforementioned wit and humor are a product of her love for books. can you read? do you read? let's start there!

4. she loves to do stuff. i feel like she's always out and about. she runs, she dances, she gets really big groups of friends together to do ridiculous fun things like bar crawls complete with scorecards and 'rex kwon do' lessons. she is always up for adventure, laughs a lot, and has a good time everywhere she goes.

5. she really does not like guys who are players. you must return her phone calls, and you must not annoy her little sister (me) because i will vote you off the island. you must treasure the art of the mixtape, even when it has things like britney spears "toxic" on it and maybe have a really funny blog that she can read when she misses you or wants to be reminded of how awesome you are.
interested? give me the 5 things she'll need to know about you.
p.s. if you own a faux silk shirt that you usually wear unbuttoned exposing all your jeri-curl'ed chest hair, i think you need not apply.
this is in or around san diego, ca
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

What You Should Read This Summer.

Summer's here! Even though we're not out of school, we all act like it- spending a little more time surfing the internet, a little less time inside at our desks. Right around this time of year people start to ask me what to read.

As anyone who's been to a bookstore with me knows, I could go on about the topic of book recommendations forever. Fortunately for you, my hand eventually cramps as I type, so here's the shortlist.


If you really want some page-turners, well, you should have already started a Celebrity Trash Bio Book Club like I told you to a few weeks back. The selections are just getting better and better. If you had ever told me I'd be holding my breath waiting for part 2 of LaToya Jackson's autobiography, I would have told you to shut your dirty mouth.


My Go-To Summer Reading Recommendations:

To understand this list, know that it's based on how quickly your pages will turn, how cool you'll look reading it, and the fact that these reads go hand in hand with the enjoyment of a beautiful summer.


Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl

I always describe this book as "the thinking person's Twilight". You want the story of a girl who lives with her single dad in a town she doesn't quite fit into? Done and done. Minus the cheesy vampire crap, plus the mystery of a young teacher who has a hold on the smartest kids in school.

Pessl realizes she's brilliant even as she's writing (her citations, both true and fictional, will blow your mind), but once you get used to her style, you can go ahead and shun all socializing for the next 2 days.




Immortality by Milan Kundera

Maybe I like this one for a summer read because the opening scene takes place at a pool. Or maybe I like it because Milan Kundera is one of the most brilliant writers I've ever been so lucky to read (we meaning me... and now you). Maybe I've thought about naming my imaginary child Milan. Maybe I've thought about the fact that he's always in the answer to the "who would you invite to dinner, dead or alive?" question.

Kundera's books always leave me reminded that life is beautiful. And if that's not grounds for a summer read, what is?

Forget The Unbearable Lightness of Being; this is his best, and I will never forgive myself for having lent my loved and well-worn copy to the barista at Urban Grind, because I never saw it again. (Emile, if you're out there, can I have it back please?)


The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

What? You haven't heard of The Hunger Games? Cool, so should we just forward your mail to under the rock?

Here's why this one makes my list -- it's scenario-specific: You know when it's so hot that you want to stay outside and tan but you can't suffer any longer? You need something to hold you in your chair. This book is it.

The rest of the trilogy is meh, but The Hunger Games has been a crowd-pleaser for everyone I've recommended it to, young and not-young. It's a great reminder of why YA ("young adult") books can have immense crossover appeal (see also: The Book Thief). For people who aren't big readers or have taken a lil break from their reading habits, this is always the book I recommend.

I may or may not have found myself looking up archery lessons after reading it. For those of you who might be camping this summer, this will inspire you to learn something besides how far it is from your campsite to the nearest Denny's.



Anything by Meg Cabot

"Anything" is not the name of the book, it's a general statement -- I just love how she writes. In some literary circles (including my own) I could be assassinated for putting Kundera and Cabot on the same list, but here it is.

If you're going to dive into a light summer read, she's the place to start. She tells her tales in this series through IM/email/voicemails/etc. So she doesn't use filler prose and as a result the stories move quickly, with characters you wouldn't mind being friends with.

This is an author I'd recommend to most women I know; her sarcasm and style make for the perfect beach read for any girl (huge stereotype, and yes, I'm fine with that). But I guess it's not gender-specific. Last weekend I conned my 20something brother to take a photo posing reading the book with this girly cover... and next thing I knew he was 20 pages in, and he finished it.

Cabot never fails.


Fargo Rock City or Klosterman IV by Chuck Klosterman

I have a love-hate relationship with Klosterman. I love the things he thinks and writes about, and I hate that he thought to do it before I did. Fargo Rock City goes hand in hand with the resurgence of 80s/early 90s metal; check the local listings and odds are Motley Crue, Poison, and co. are playing some open-aired pavilion by you. So this is the book to remind you why we loved those bands to begin with. It talks about why music is important to us as teenagers, specifically to him, living out in the booneys of Fargo. I'm always fascinated with stories told through music or using music as a device (see also: Nick Hornby's High Fidelity) Klosterman will tell you trivia you never thought you wanted to know about the leaders of glam rock/metal. My guess is you might just find yourself buying a ticket to see them and relive the good old days.

I'm always surprised by the fact that more people aren't familiar with his work; they really should be. People seem to know his Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs book, but it doesn't hold a candle to these two if you ask me.

Klosterman IV is a collection of essays. In total it ends up being a great portfolio of his range and abilities. I'm a fan of his interviews of famous people in particular. What ever happened to Val Kilmer, anyway?





Need more book recommendations?

Nancy Pearl Presents 10 Terrific Summer Reads
LA Times' Summer Reading List
What I've already read (my Goodreads list)

Must-See: Incendies (2010)

It’s amazing how playing hooky in your thirties has the same enjoyment it did as a teenager. That is, if you had had the nerve to ever step outside the lines during said teenagehood. Yesterday my mom wanted to go see Incendies and I could only make a matinee, so I shut down the laptop and we snuck into a rare almost-empty theater to watch it. (ugh, the only time I played hooky it’s with my mom. I don’t even want to know what that says about me). It’s difficult to write this without providing spoilers, so I’ll keep it short and say that some movies are just important to see, and I think Incendies may be one of them.

There’s something to be said for watching a movie about the immigrant mother’s experience with your parent, who happens to be an immigrant herself. Specifically, Incendies is about a woman whose death prompts (ok, the death doesn’t, the letters she leaves behind do) her children to realize that maybe they didn’t know her at all.

The movie is gorgeous shot after shot of a country in the Middle East. It’s a country torn by violence. Check. And prejudice. Check. It’s set against beautiful views. Check. And troubled history. Check. The truth is, it could be anywhere in the Arabic-speaking Middle East. The fact that this country is never named is as important as any other element of the movie. The acting, as in most powerful films, is as much in its silent moments as in its dialogue. Against this background, the story operates with flashbacks to the mother’s history moving forward while the children retrace her steps.

Seeing this movie reminded me how lazy we can be with our family history. By “we” I mean the children of parents who immigrated to the United States, gave us our Nintendos and our Michael Jackson posters, and didn’t require us to become fluent in their history. Without them spoon feeding it to us, how connected do we choose to be with the lives they led before us?

While every parent can have secrets or a past their kids don’t quite get, parents who have immigrated add another layer to this mystery. The mystery comes from the fact that they have to communicate not only their stories and experiences, but set against a backdrop their children can hardly imagine. A lot of them choose not to take on the challenge of describing a world they know their children can’t envision. So they play along with the new lives they have created here.

As the daughter walked her mother’s village I realized that is an experience many people never have- it takes a trip to the motherland and escaping constant family eating marathons in order to see landmarks that meant something to your parents. We rarely get to meet people who knew our parents in a non-family context. While I have friends who debated pledging the same sorority as generations in her family, I struggle to remember the names of my parents’ colleges.

In the case of Iranian children, our parents’ own memories are further challenged by the fact that, since they left, the street names have changed, as if the country doesn’t want them to be able to remember.

Immigration is a tough experience, particularly when people don’t always choose it. I can’t imagine up and moving to Japan, even though I’ve heard great things about it; getting fluent in Japanese and raising my children so that’s what we speak at home. I can’t imagine them telling me they’re not in a rush to see the United States and that they consider themselves Japanese. It’s unfathomable to me, but that’s basically what happened to my parents.

As the daughter in the film continued moving forward, uncovering step after step of her mother’s secret life, I wondered: was it a question of her not having asked enough questions? Or the right questions? Do we assume if something is important that our parent will bring it up? In many cases, I think we are guilty of thinking it’s easier to just let things be.

For NonBlondes: The Plight of the Brunette

Are brunettes making a comeback?

I sure as hell hope so. Because I have been waiting for this whole curves thing to be in, and it hasn’t happened for me quite yet.

Brace yourselves; Twitter actually made me think.

The other night my friend posted on Twitter that she was tired of short smart brunettes being portrayed as clever but not desirable in movies. HA! I laughed. Then I laughed again. Then I stopped laughing.

FROM THE DESK OF A MOSTLY-BRUNETTE

This is a topic that interests me mostly because I am arguably a smart brunette (the brunette is not arguable). I love being a brunette and it's something I've only changed on very rare occasions. Three, to be specific:

1: When I came home from college my first semester. My mom randomly suggested lightening my hair over Thanksgiving break while I was home. I now realize it was to distract from what was going on everywhere south of my head, ie. I had become a total porker. Good lookin' out Mom.

2: Blonde highlights. There is a reason people with black hair do not get blonde highlights, and now I understand why. The hairdresser and I argued over my natural hair color and as a result he gave me blonde highlights that were in fact white. They were complemented by really long violet acrylic nails. This was not a high point in my physical appearance history.

3: Red stripes, circa 2000. I wanted to get some rebellion out of my system and had my hair dyed with stripes of magenta when I lived in Argentina. The fact that my rebellious phase came during and after law school is another story for another day.

The short, smart brunette has been the bane of my existence ever since I realized I’m a dead ringer (or so I’m told) for Janeane Garofalo. Which would be fine, except shortly after realizing that, she starred in a movie about how short, smart brunettes are sooooo unattractive to men that they pretend to be gorgeous tall blonds (Uma Thurman) in order to not ruin a good thing. The smart brunette is the girl the dream guy talks to about his conquests, not the target of affection herself. Hollywood being what it is, they gave us the ending where the guy picks the little sarcastic brunette over the tall model (literally) blonde, but who actually SAW that movie? Exactly. And where is Janeane now? Exactly. No one believes it.

EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE

As Jon Yang helped me identify, men DO like brunettes… in indie movies. You know, the ones most of America doesn’t want to see. Brunettes like Mila Kunis or Natalie Portman (ideally together. In a sex scene.) But he didn't seem to think brunettes were as shunned as I thought they were.

MISS CLAIROL

Last year I actually wrote down my bucket list. One thing on there was to try going blonde, just to see what it was all about. But it’s way harder to go to blonde from brunette than the reverse.

Going brunette has become de rigeur, and all over San Diego you can find beautiful women with light green and blue eyes and pitch black hair or brown hair. Going dark is something people try on. Everyone does it for a little while, then they go back to blonde, especially in Hollywood, as I am reminded every time I refresh my US Magazine homepage (which is done often, I assure you). Going dark is something pretty blondes try on the way celebrities try on fat suits or being ugly to try and win an Oscar.

The hair dying trend is so rampant that once I walked into my parents’ kitchen and my dad stopped in his tracks. The conversation went like this:

Dad: “What happened to your hair? Why is it so DARK?”

Me: “Um… because you’re my dad?... And I was born that way?”

I’ve had hairstylists accuse me of dying my naturally black hair black. Which now I’m actually going to have to do. Because finally nature has decided to honor my wish to become blonde... by giving me greys. Ha ha mother nature, haha. Very cute.

BORROW THIS

The short smart brunette plays the lead in the movie Something Borrowed. And maybe I get what I deserve by even seeing a movie based on chick lit. Fine. But [warning --spoilers!] in it, said short brunette lives out every girl’s fantasy by not only getting the guy but winning the guy from her blonde friend. But she can only win him over after overcoming her bad self esteem.

Hey world, you know WHY she had bad self esteem? Because little brunettes know their place in society. Ginnifer Goodwin > Kate Hudson?! Short witty brunettes around the world were stunned.

What? Didn’t hear about the movie?

My point exactly.

Now, I have lots of guy friends who say they prefer brunettes. But do they really prefer brunettes, or do they just go for the girls they think they can get? Or if they like the brunette, would they like them a little bit more if their hair was a liiiiittle bit lighter? I'm just saying.

I’ve dreamt of going to other countries, Nordic countries where I would walk off the plane and be greeted by a sea of adoring blondes who would touch my hair and ooh and ahh (or whatever the Swedish equivalent is) over me. Perhaps they would crown me (my dream, I choose what happens). But I have recently been assured by a friend from the region that those countries actually find brunettes even less attractive than over here. And that, my friends, is what we call a reality check.

The good news is that there seems to be a rallying cry, at least from the ethnic corner. A shout out to the Kardashian coven. Oh wait. I said SMART little brunettes.

For the avoidance of doubt, any woman who says she’d rather be considered smart than hot is lying to you. And I’ll put $ on it she’s a short brunette who has spent years teaching herself to spit out that answer.

I know I have.

I know, I know, the short brunettes around me are steaming out their cute little ears. This post is one big betrayal of the sisterhood. Just callin' it how I see it folks. I’m not saying I don’t want to be a brunette, but if you want me to say it’s easy street, I’m gonna say you’re having a blonde moment.

So I asked (out loud)…is the plight of the brunette coming to an end?

Guy friend 1: “I think it’s…”

Guy friend 2: “Yeah uh- I don’t think so.”

Exactly.

The Art of Celebrity Trash Bio Book Club(R)

When I first moved to San Diego, I was intent on finding fellow readers. So I decided to form a book club. I put an ad on Craigslist and called for Literate Urbanites to join me (this name later popped up on another book club in town; how creative). Thus began our book club adventures that created friendships and actually logged one marriage (hey, at least someone got something out of it). But as the years rolled on, and the book selections thickened and wandered into the sciences, I noticed that fewer and fewer people were coming to the meetings and even fewer were actually reading the book.

So, one night on the drive home from a Journey concert (where else to discuss haute literature?) I asked a couple of friends why it was that they never came to book club, and what it would take to get them to come? One of them answered "hey, if you read celebrity bios, then I'd be there". And suddenly it dawned on me- we weren't reading things people, deep down, really wanted to read! And so CELEBRITY TRASH BIO BOOK CLUB(r) was born.

I am happy to report that, one year later, attendance is at an all-time high. People are *adding* other people to the book club list, not asking to be removed. People from other cities are on our mailing list just because they like to read along.

Disclaimers
Before you start your very own Celebrity Trash Bio Book Club, it is important to recognize that you are not reading these books for literary merit. Truth be told, very few of them are likely to have any. In some cases you will resist picking up a pen and editing as you read along. Remember, these folks are not famous for being good writers, they are famous because they live outrageous lives and get paid to do so. By lowering your expectations you are likely to enhance your reading experience. You will find that CTBBC quickly weeds out literary snobs, who will not be able to handle things like Janice Dickinson's need. To shorten every sentence. With. Dramatic. Pauses.

Now, let's get to it - here are the basic provisions of running your own successful Celebrity Trash Book Club:

1) Pick a trashy book. A really trashy one.

The trashier, the better. And autobiographies > biographies, as we discovered after reading 4oo pages about Scientology and NOT Tom Cruise, as previously anticipated.

Also- our studies show the more random the celebrity, the better the book. Maybe it's because you have lower expectations for them, maybe it's because they know THIS is their chance to grab at the limelight, so they try harder.

**Tip for Beginners: I always suggest that people begin their club with Motley Crue/Neil Strauss's The Dirt. Whether or not you're a hard rock fan (chances are you aren't, I mean, you are in a book club) -- it sets the bar for complete dishing but through good writing. It's the gateway drug of trash bios.


2) Serve alcohol. Lots of it.
We all talk more $hit when we've had a little something to sip on. Well, you'll be able to fully throw yourself into the ring to discuss Jenna's rise to porn stardom or Michael Jackson's awkward relationship with Brooke Shields if you've had a sippy cup of happiness.

We usually open a few bottles of wine, although some like to mix it up - for Ricky Martin month, we had two moms on the floor with babies, sipping their rum and cokes (Puerto Rican style!). Do what you need to do, but this is another opportunity to set yourself apart from the cafe-book-club set.


3) Consider doing a themed event or dressing up to freak out your fellow readers.

For the Andre Agassi meeting, I decided to put an old mullet wig (that has come in handy more times than I'd like to admit) to use. I answered the door dressed as Andre.

Exhibit A


For Ricky Martin, we themed it a fiesta - Latin wines, chips and salsa, and any other un-PC stereotype we could think of (author's note: much as I love Ricky, his bio was not trashy at all- he's apparently all into "being a good person" and "not dishing dirt" and "not naming names", thereby violating all the ground rules of Celebrity Trash Book Club.)

For Jenna Jameson, we discussed holding our meeting in a local jacuzzi suite. Get creative, it's the least you can do to honor these fine writers.




4. Use multimedia presentations.

Celebrities are overexposed. Which means that, at your meeting, you can tie in multimedia sources to enhance the trashy book club experience. For Andre Agassi, I entertained fellow bookclub attendees by reenacting famous Andre Agassi photographs.

Exhibit B

Then for the Superfreak's autobiography, we watched the Dave Chappelle skits about Rick James. During the Ricky Martin meeting I kept Ricky Martin: Unplugged playing in the background throughout our fiesta, etc. Having a laptop on hand during Celebrity Trash Bio Bookclub is handy, as you can look up rumors, cross-check tales they have told you, and read up on peripheral figures.






5. Have read-alouds.

Read alouds are not just for kindergarten, folks. Some of these books demand to be read out loud to adoring crowds of your 5 closest (and drunkest) friends. Janice Dickinson's autobiography has a particularly salacious passage involving her dressed as a nun and some guy dressed as a priest... in a church in Italy. You get the idea -- the writing is absolutely Shakespearean.

Or, you could revert to the audio book. Andre Agassi's "Open" audiobook features a reader who somehow thought that raising his voice to imitate a woman talking would enhance the listener's experience. Enjoy.


6. Don't give up. Ever.

This item simply refers to my ongoing (one woman) lobby for Don't Hassel the Hoff. We (I) haven't won yet, but if there's one thing I have learned from these celebrities, it's that merit doesn't count for much... perseverance is key.














*****
THE OFFICIAL READING LIST OF CELEBRITY TRASH BIO BOOK CLUB:

Kathy Griffin Official Book Club Selection
Andre Agassi Open
Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography
Chelsea Handler My Horizontal Life
Motley Crue & Neil Strauss The Dirt
Ozzy I Am Ozzy
Sarah Silverman The Bedwetter
Anthony Bourdain Kitchen Confidential
Jenna Jameson How to Make Love Like a Porn Star
Ricky Martin Me
Janice Dickinson No Lifeguard On Duty
The Confessions of Rick James: Memoirs of a Superfreak
LaToya Jackson (in progress)