What Drives Me.

This weekend I went to the AIGA Y Conference in San Diego. I didn't go because I'm an artist (which, as anyone who has seen me play Draw Something can affirm, I most certainly am not). I didn't even go because I know an artist. I went because I think it's important to try something different on for size, and I was curious to see what I'd learn.

"Art is the only subject you see from the moment you wake up til you go to sleep." - Nancy Rouemy

The verdict was favorable: If you have the opportunity to check one out, I would. Y Conference, in its 17th year, involves inspiring talks from the most interesting group of people - a mix of artists, designers, and entrepreneurs who each bring something different to the conversation.  You run the risk of developing delusions that you, too, could put hundreds of hours into artwork and produce something palatable. You will leave overflowing with ideas and inspiration, no matter your field.

Personally, I went in to Y Conference not recognizing a single name on the roster (this is incomprehensible to my artistic friends, but hey, I never asked you to name our Supreme Court justices).  Although I had walked in a blank slate, I left with a notebook full of ideas, quotes, and impressions.  When I got in my car for the final time, I was converted into a huge admirer of Karim Rachid's work and philosophies, and a fan of both Andrea Dezsö's artistic range and sense of humor.  I was in awe of Eben Bayer's ability to remind us that the most complex technology, the kind we don't even think could exist, was created by Mother Nature long ago (check out cuttlefish, then check out his company Ecovative Design).  And impressed by both Andrew Byrom and Nancy Rouemy's abilities to bring the challenges of their artistic endeavors to a level that the common village idiot (here: me) could understand, among many others.

                                             "Art is time made visible." - Andrea Dezsö

Attend one of these conferences and you'll leave with a better understanding of the intense work artists and designers put into the world around you.  It draws your attention, for 48 steady hours, to the thoughtful way people around us approach not just artwork but product design, products you put your hands on every day without thinking twice, so that you won't think twice. It really is astounding.  Let me go ahead and make a sweeping statement here: it changed the way I see everything.

"Everything you look at has art -- or lack of art -- in it." -- from Nancy Rouemy's talk 

The theme of the conference was What Drives You? To start with: my sister's Toyota. At 7 in the morning. That's what drove me there, anyhow. But as each speaker got on stage to discuss what drove them, I began to wonder what drives me in life, as opposed to up the 5N. So here's the list, or what I think is the list, Dr. Freud:

Affection. Wanting people around me to be happy. Wanting to show love. Wanting to share all this love in me with other people.
The Written Word. The sound, rules, and playfulness of language.
Understanding. Understanding concepts, understanding people. Feeling understood.
Happiness. As physically expressed. I will do almost anything for a smile.
Optimism. Sometimes relentless. Sometimes misplaced. But always there.
Approval. Appreciation. Sometimes separately, sometimes together. Just being honest.
Collaboration and connection. 
Growth. Not physical, gave up on that a long time ago! Here I mean growth as in learning something new, accomplishing something different. Rather than just poking around for exploration's sake. I'm not curious for curiosity's sake enough (other than up and going to a professional conference I have no business being at). Adventure. 

But what if, like most of the speakers, I just limited it to one? That's the tough part. Which one is really in the driver's seat?

What drives you?

     "The more you look, the more you can use what you see." - Nancy Rouemy

Spring Cleaning

For Persian New Year ("Nowrooz") we celebrate the first day of spring.  This involves a thorough house cleaning that one might suspect was invented by tricky parents to get kids to clean their rooms worldwide.  But apparently it really is a thing.  So this year I put aside the laptop and my neverending stack of work and got to it.

My Top 10 Spring Cleaning Finds, 2012:

1) A tee shirt from a "graffiti party" Sigma Kappa sorority bar crawl. What this means is that 72+ sorority women were given white tee shirts and permanent markers, set on a course working their way through a row of college bars, writing on each other all the while.  It was both horrifying and hilarious to read this shirt.  While I am impressed that my friends could still spell at a time like this, I am horrified that I have kept it.  On one piece of cotton there were so many memories that made me laugh out loud, then shudder, then roll the shirt up and squish it back in the box.

2) Letters from summer camp.  I didn't remember who had written to me, but there was the evidence of people who cared about me way more than I've ever given them credit for.  There was also a pretty hilarious letter from my dad on massive GASTROINTESTINAL RADIOLOGY journal stationery.  Clearly that was kept.  The only thing better would be if I could find a stockpile of the blank stationery itself...

3) French camp song list.  Just in case I ever need to sing in French about rowing, I'm all set. Phew.

4) A love letter.  I've been reading For The Love Of Letters by Samara O'Shea and had just read the chapter where she talks about how to write a love letter.  She talks about the variations it can take, and gives examples. I sighed, feeling all sorry for myself as I read a letter Keats had written.  I wanted a love letter! I wanted someone to pour their heart out on the page.  Fast forward one day, and what pops out of the box but a letter in such detail and emotion that I'm floored I forgot it was ever sent to me. It wasn't written on a scroll as I'd hoped and imagined for, but it was in an oversized thank you card and included an insert grading the aspects of what a great tour guide and companion I was on the visit.

Years later I read it with different eyes than the lovesick girl who would have received it then. It was really quite sweet. I kept it.

5) My sister's childhood drawings. Saved those for eBay. (I kid, Susie, I kid! Or do I?...)

6) My own drawings. I liked drawing the Guns n Roses logo. Over and over and over again.  Some people got their edge by drinking Nighttrain or wailing on their guitar. Rebel that I am... I sharpened my pencil.

7) Postcard from my brother, when he was just learning to write, approx 4 yrs old. I heart you was the main messaging.  I miss when he was little and had such an easy time telling me that.

8) Stories upon stories upon stories. I used to love writing fiction and wrote all the time; it just poured out of me.  Somehow after college I stopped writing completely. I blame this on the spirit-thrashing that is the law school experience. I found a script I had begun writing with a friend in high school.  He's no longer with us, and I will keep those yellow papers forever if for that reason only.  And to remind myself that once upon a time I thought it was appropriate to include Soul Asylum as the lead track in our movie.

9) College essays offering clear evidence that I was more intelligent and articulate in my late teens than I am now.
I wondered why I would possibly hand in a medieval English paper called "Let's Talk About Sex" and then remembered a friend and I challenged each another to incorporate totally off the wall phrasing into our boring papers.  "Handsome young buck" was one I threw him.

10) A signed and dated document by my dad regretting a certain Presidential vote. A personal treasure.

The point of spring cleaning is to clear things out, to wipe off the dust, to throw things away.  What I found myself doing was spring cleaning my memories. I pulled them out of the box one by one, dusting them off, holding them up to the light, and putting them right back in the box they had come from.

I can't wait to find all of this all over again.

The Lions of Little Rock. And me.

The Lions of Little Rock by Kristin Levine (book #11 for fiftyfifty.me!) is a stellar Young Adult novel that was recommended to me by a friend. But recommendations can really be hit or miss. After its never-ending series of critical kudos, I was relieved to be assured I was in for a good read. What I did not realize was that it would also stir something very personal in me.

The story takes place in 1958 Arkansas, after the Little Rock Nine, and during a time when local schools inexplicably continued to struggle with whether to stay open if they had to be integrated. More specifically, it is the tale of two young girls, Marlee and Liz. Marlee, who has been shy her whole life, finds reason to open up to Liz, the new kid. But no sooner have they forged this important friendship than Liz disappears from her school.  We learn immediately that she was "passing" as a white, and has been found out. These plots points set the backdrop for a fascinating, educational story of a time where you were white or black, period, and where the category you fell in very strictly delineated your opportunities and social circles.

This novel also gives readers - or hey, me - an opportunity to consider what it might feel like to be forced into a category. Worse yet: what it might be like to be notified that you don't fall into the "appreciated" categories; to know deep down that you are an outsider and yet not want to call attention to that fact.

As the new magnum opus stupidus Shahs of Sunset prepares to air on Bravo TV and humiliate me, desecrating all that's holy about my centuries-old culture (thank you, Ryan Seacrest), I am forced to think about whether we've really come all that far from the days of segregation. Supposedly, the show will showcase a different side of Persians. The pitch amounts to: Iranians aren't all  bearded anti-American freaks! No! They party and sell real estate -- they're just like us!

Horrifying, really.

Yet the recent addition of this show to America's cultural lineup proves a fact I often comment upon: Middle Easterners are the last minority you can be openly racist about. Under the guise of railing against the sliver of the population that behaves violently, people post hatred and spit vitriol left and right. To add a little insult to injury, they do so generally. I have yet to meet more than 5 Americans who realize Iranians aren't Arab. They don't bother having to know because it doesn't matter to them. But we all know Chinese people aren't Japanese. You don't need to know much about the nuances of Middle Eastern culture or country boundaries here, because they're all clumped together as evil.

Recently, while reading the comments section of a news article about the tensions between Iran and other nations, my jaw dropped as I read what people had written.  It's not ok to do this with blacks, Latinos, or Asians - if someone wrote about blasting another race off the earth, my guess is the news outlet would have moderated the comment (read: edited it out). But it's open season (since the 1970s) on anyone of Middle Eastern heritage. Born and raised here, I have actually professionally vowed to uphold American law, which is more than I can say for a lot of other citizens, and yet I'm the outsider? Because my hair is black or my grandparents lived on a different continent?

To be clear, I do not mean to say that the level of segregation, racism, or torment even remotely approaches that of African Americans in the 1950s (or before. or after), but simply to say that perhaps we shouldn't pat ourselves on the back just yet. That maybe American still has some lessons to learn about equality and acceptance and entitlement -- and kindness.

Turning the pages of Kristin Levine's novel, I was reminded of my time at law school; the Towers had just fallen and, out of concern for the heightened tension in the corridors and violent commentary, a group of Near Eastern students requested a meeting with the then-Dean. At a time when people who even looked Middle Eastern were being attacked nationwide and when his own students who wore hejab (a scarf to cover a woman's hair, which some believe is required by the religion) required escorts for safety, it took him over a week to take the meeting.

When we finally sat down, we began telling him our tales- vicious and worrying comments made in the student lounge, or in one case, aimed at a prominent Middle Eastern professor. Our concerns were met by his dismissal- he quickly reminded us that he considered himself a First Amendment scholar and felt that people had a blanket right to freedom of speech (any scholar will tell you freedom of speech isn't that cut and dry, but I don't pretend this gentleman was a scholar of that sort.)

IN ANY CASE, he sat back and said:

 "I had no idea there were so many of you here."

He spoke as if, unbeknownst to him, we had "passed"; we had been admitted and walked the halls -- as if we didn't deserve to be there. There were one million things he could have said, or should have said, and yet this was what he used his breath to utter.  A case of one person absentmindedly speaking his mind, but he's certainly not the only one who thinks that way. I daresay he wouldn't have taken this same liberty with La Raza in the room or any other ethnic student group. But Middle Easterners aren't so popular these days, so looser lips abound.

I read The Lions of Little Rock as I filled out an application that required me to fill in the bubble for race. It is something I always struggle with - to me, the options seem limited.  We can identify as White, Latino, African-American, Asian, Native American, or Unwilling to Disclose.  And so this becomes my cultural identity: Unwilling to Disclose. No one in this country treats me as if they think I'm white (as if white is still the prize or necessity to contribute to and participate in the community), and I hesitate to fill it in every time, so I don't.

The Lions of Little Rock is a powerful book for so many reasons. On the surface it is a sweet, thoughtful tale, and one might mistakenly file it away as historical fiction and believe that the lessons end there.  But the point is that the story is important to us today, and will be every day until we properly square away our racial issues. One can only hope that a unique book like this contributes to a gentler younger generation, one that approaches each and every member of their classroom with more interest and understanding.  Not just the black children- all children who look a little bit different than them, or act a little bit different. It is a tale of acceptance that I guess I wish more adults would read and learn from.

As much as I loved this story and its message of hope, the author couldn't understand me more than when she writes her final words and reminds us: we still have a long way to go.

My Culture Consumption: Roundup #1

January was a doozy over here in this thing called life.  It was a chance to think long and hard about what is important, so before you dive into reading this post, do me a favor and go text someone you love. (I'd say call them, but let's take baby steps)

I'm going to follow the footsteps of my blogging muse and just dive in on this one, My Culture Consumption: Roundup #1 (Jan - early Feb edition).

Although the month of January threw some curve balls, it also had some high points and I remained steadfast in my dedication to fiftyfifty.me.
 
Since I last wrote, I have read 3 new books:

*The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight (book #4)
*Food Rules: An Eater's Manual (book #5)
*The Tiger's Wife (book #6)


Now, at first glance you might think I read 2 self help books and yet another trashy celeb bio, but this is not the case!   

best. title. ever

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight
by Jennifer E. Smith

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight is a sweet and simple YA (young adult, ye non-literary friends in the house) novel about a boy and girl who meet at an airport, and what transpires over the course of the next 24 hours.  As someone who can be easily sold on concept, I loved where she went with it, and the clever title had me from the get-go.  It is not a question of if this movie will be made into a movie, but when.

Of course, it made me wonder what the statistical probability of love at first sight would actually be.  Ooh, and would the same thing happen to me on my flight the next week?  Not so much.  In a very symbolic moment about my life, I ended up on the flight where the dude behind me was eating a tuna sandwich. 


The Tiger's Wife 
by Tea Obreht

Books that get a gazillion accolades are truly hit or miss.  When I started this one, I got worried. Beautiful cover, 1001 quotes from adoring literary superstars... how would it deliver?  And for the first 50 pages, I'll be honest, it didn't.  I actually described it to others as "literary molasses".  But then the pieces started to come together and I settled into the rhythm of the way the story is braided, and it became more enjoyable.  What was most impressive to me was she had created a fairytale for adults.  It was unlike anything else I had read, and the depths of her imagination, while at first alienating to me, became astounding.

eat these, for example.

 Food Rules: An Eater's Manual 
by Michael Pollan


You'd look at the title and think I could write this one, but it turns out it stumped even me.  Apparently food that comes in through the window of your car is not food??  Wish I got the memo before swinging into Jack in the Box yet again. A straightforward compilation of common wisdom regarding eating and health.  We've heard some of these items over and again (women's magazines recycle these tips every month, do they not?) And yet the brilliance of the delivery is in the simplicity.  I've been cooking at home nonstop since reading it, so it must have worked. Quick, someone take a picture!


Movie-wise I've been slacking.  I saw The Muppets (movie #3), the new one with never-lets-me-down Jason Segel and Amy Adams.  Then I went on a movie hiatus as I spent hours of my sweet youth watching Downton Abbey (worth 0 pts on fiftyfifty.me, but worth a million to my internal romantic)  The Muppets was fantastic because it was delivered in a self-conscious style that allowed it to be self-deprecating and fun; from the start the movie makes you aware that they KNOW it won't live up to traditional Muppet movies, but you're going to have fun with it anyways.  And we did. 

Yesterday I tried to pick up the pace, and watched Gattaca (movie #4) last night, starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman.  Then today I went to see A Separation (movie #5), the Iranian film that has been nominated for the Best Foreign Film Oscar as well as Best Screenplay.

One of these was significantly better than the other, in my opinion. That would be the one where Uma Thurman is not playing the ideal woman. (Seriously, she's cute but how are there not one but TWO movies centered on this theme?) 

Set in a future society obsessed with human perfection, I liked the issues that Gattaca raises.  It was interesting to watch it so many years after its release; at the time when it came out I'm sure people weren't yet testing to see what gender baby they could conceive, strategizing for a child's best success via selecting the "right" donor at the bank, etc.  So  I'm sure my experience is different, watching it in a time and place (now) where this testing isn't that much of a wild concept. And perhaps that's what made it even creepier, less of a sci-fi and more of a social warning.  So they had concept and the cinematography was beautiful -- but for me the acting fell flat.  All I could think of was how happy I was for these two boring people that they found each other.  I wanted to do away with the other two and just watch Jude Law, charming as ever. Of course the one interesting one self-incinerates, of course.


A Separation probably deserves a post of its own.

The story, written and directed by Asghar Farhadi, is about a man and woman who are in the process of divorcing- they separate and he is left to raise their daughter and to find care for his father, who is suffering from Alzheimer's.  The plot spirals out from there, examining the ripple effects of our actions.  The film introduces a cast of absorbing characters through strong acting, heavy but well-delivered themes, and storyline that will stay with you long after you leave the cinema.

A Separation deserves the accolades it has been getting. But here's the thing: it's not a good movie despite its being from Iran, which I fear is what some people think.  It is a good movie because it is done with heart and with universal themes and characters you can readily relate to, however wildly different their circumstances might be from your own.

For me, the movie and its social ecosystem it reflects is symbolic of Iran (and the world) as a whole- it's much more complex than you could possibly imagine at first glance.

Nothing is simple. cc: Politicians of the world.

Book #3: Before I Go To Sleep

Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson

My rating: 3.5 or 4 of 5 stars
Book #3 for my fiftyfifty.me!

Fact: I could only read this book with all the lights on and never right before sleep. Tonight I stayed up reading because I couldn't bear the thought of having it haunt me any longer!

Additional fact: when I described the plot to my mom, she was sure she had seen it on Lifetime at some point.  So just so you have a sense of what we're dealing with here.

To that end, it meets the definition of a good thriller: a great hook, strong pacing, and it scares the daylights out of you.  The setup reminded me a little bit of Wait Until Dark, a movie you should see if you haven't.  Same as in that film, here a woman is deprived of a main sense/function- here, her memory. Every day she learns, and every night when she sleeps, she will forget.

See what I'm talking about?!

It definitely held my interest- it's at least a solid 3.5, probably a 4.  I found myself rushing forward, needing to know just what the hell was going on!  You get points for that, people.

I should probably read this next.

I imagine it's a challenge for a novelist to write the novel of an amnesiac and not bore your reader to tears as the days are repeated; it's well done here.  Good mass market-style fiction. Oh, and try not to compare it to the movie Momento: That'll be a losing bet. 

For those of you not inclined to the literary arts, I did check and thankfully this is not a Lifetime movie (that I know of, or at least by this title). It is categorized as "in development" on IMDB.  But secretly, part of me is hoping Lifetime does make a movie even sooner.  And if it could star Nancy McKeon or Meredith Baxter Birney, all the better!  When I'm done posting this I'll write Lifetime a letter.

Anyhow, it kept me on the edge of my seat with heart palpitations for 3 days straight.  I'm considering this book my cardiovascular activity for the week!

Book #2: Knowing Your Value

Knowing Your Value: Negotiating Your Way to the Salary You Deserve by Mika Brzezinski

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A friend recommended this to me on our Colombia trip.  Because she's a writer whose career I admire, I decided to pick it up.  But let's be clear: I wasn't really looking forward to it.  I thought of it as medicine I should take along the way for my career.  I picked up my copy at the local library (yay library!) and was impressed by the fierce woman on the cover.  And so I began... and just a few pages in, I knew this was one of those books I'd be talking about for ages to come.

Knowing Your Value should be required reading for any woman who plans on, you know, ever having a job. It isn't about putting a # on your value but on realizing that the traditional ways that women communicate and relate- which often serve us well in our daily lives - actually work very much against us in the work environment. And an important point: it's not about men vs. women, it's about women as their own worst enemy.

First of all, Mika is extremely likeable and easy to identify with. I knew nothing about her, but now have set my tv to record her show, that sort of thing. Her analysis isn't written from a patronizing point of view (memo to every other advice author) but rather from the angle of someone who has been through a lot and had to earn her lesson-learning the hard way. Her humility is engaging, and inspiring (hey, if she ends up sitting on the desk for her book cover, so could you!)

Secondly, she pulls in a pool of high profile executives who corroborate what she says in their own ways. So the book ends up feeling like a star-studded focus group, complete with Carol Bartz's foul language, or Trump admitting that if you ask him for too much he'll probably fire you anyhow. It gives what she says additional validity, and more scenarios you are likely to identify with.  What do women say that men would never say to themselves?  What do men ask for that gets them the higher salaries? What are the possible reasons for those payment disparities we always hear about?  How does motherhood affect the equation?

There were so many quotable passages in here.  I found myself constantly bringing it up in conversation as I came to terms with how obvious some of the scenarios were, and yet I'd never really noticed them. I will be buying copies and gifting this for a long time to come.

Girls, get your read on.

Book #1: The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

FINALLY!  Ever since Jon and I created fiftyfifty.me, a reading/movie challenge,  go figure that we got so busy administrating that we haven't gotten a moment to read. And by "we", I mean the royal We here.

The good news is that I just turned the last page of The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie.

Book #1, done!
The bad news: only giving it 2 of 5 stars.  This means "eh".

I have loved other Agatha Christie mysteries but this wasn't a favorite. Too many moving pieces, to begin with.  I kept flipping forward to refer to the cast of characters; only a few stood out to me and to the very end I couldn't really tell the butler from the secretary, for example.  It barreled forward throwing in details out of left field.  Somehow it skidded to a halt that was completely predictable but based on nothing I could have predicted.  Sounds odd to say, but if you read it you'll immediately know what I mean. 

I spent more of the time being confounded and retracing my steps/trying to visualize what was going on than getting to sink into the story or even have a hope of getting my own guesses going.  That said, I enjoyed her writing along the way, even in my complete confusion.

The book setup calls to mind ever-beloved Clue; a mansion, a muuuuuurder, and maps of the layout that you have to ponder over.  However, in the end it just didn't deliver for me.  That said, I believe the book is famous for introducing certain writing devices into mystery.  Click here if (and ONLY if) you want a spoiler, ok? 

Hercule Poirot is a memorable literary character with a pretty awesome name, but I'll stick to the film/tv versions of his subset of Christie tales if they're all like this. 

Will definitely be reading other Agatha Christies for the challenge, I'm sure, but this wasn't the running start I was hoping for!  Oh well, I suppose it sets the bar low- my next 49 books better deliver or else.

Resolve This.

Happy first week of the year down!

Have I mentioned how much I love making New Year's resolutions?  I LOVE MAKING NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.  Sometimes my resolutions overlap with my bucket list, which as you know by now, I am slightly obsessed with.  I think this is all a symptom of my larger list-making obsession.  I make resolutions for the regular new year, for Persian New Year/Norooz (March) and on an ongoing basis with friends; any excuse, really.  I'm the kind of person who would put "Make new year's resolutions" on my list.

I used to put my resolutions up on my refrigerator, but one year I had "Learn to knit baby blankets" on my list because so many girlfriends were having kids and I thought they would make cute gifts.  Note to self: this is not appropriate decor when a date is over.  I had a little explaining to do.  So now I'm keeping it between me and my blog (and you, I guess). 

In past years, resolutions have included travel, going out more, drinking more water & wine than soda (I should probably revive that one), stepping it up with the fitness, keeping in better touch with people, making more girlfriends in my city, etc.  I've been pretty good about holding myself to them in the past and I hope the pattern will continue this year, but I also hope I will pick more interesting resolutions.  The key is really picking things you'll actually do.  As I like to point out, certain things are just never gonna happen. I'm not going to give up being sarcastic or quit coffee. I'm not going to magically remember to include attachments when I send emails.  So why set myself up for failure?


This year's list is working out nicely so far, although there aren't too many surprises yet:


2012 Resolutions:
1) Do more yoga.
Specifically, to learn to do a proper headstand in yoga without collapsing, knocking the wind out of me (and possibly the person next to me)

2) Don't eat standing up.
This is a symptom of my life, which is led largely on the run, like a refugee from the law but much less interesting.  So either I need to become that interesting, or I need to sit down and properly get to enjoy my meals.

3) Do fiftyfifty.me. 
50 books, 50 movies, all new to me, to be torn through this year.  This is the resolution I am by far most excited about.  I'm all signed up- are you?  I tend to read a lot every year and in the back of my mind aim for 50 books, but haven't ever been able to nail it.  Movies, however, are a whole other story.  I've only started to become a movie fan in the past few years, and devote little to no time to it. Subresolution: to finish reading Milan Kundera's bibliography.  He's my favorite writer by far, and I've saved a few of his books to read on a rainy day (or if ever in the hospital in traction, etc. And yes, I save books for this.)  On the off chance the world ends in 2012, I need to probably get to the last few of these ;)

4) Go new places.
This is always on my list. Last year landed me in Nashville and Colombia, two of my favorite vacations, for example.  I'm excited to see what opportunities come up this year. New Orleans is definitely in the cards, but I'm worried you'll never be able to tear me out of a jazz bar once I'm seated.  I am trying to find a way to get over to Africa, specifically to Senegal.  I haven't been to some of the beautiful parks in California.  Stuff like that.   I don't know where this year will take me, but I've found that actually promising yourself to try new venues leads you to, you know, actually do it.  I'm open to suggestions if you have 'em!

5) Find somewhere new to volunteer. 
Step it up. I do volunteer communications work with Real Medicine Foundation and I support mAss Kickers Foundation, but I miss hands-on experience working with clients and seeing the first-hand effects of volunteering.  So some of that.  Perhaps this will be the year I become a Big Sister and formally pass my 80s music knowledge to the next generation? 

6) Respond to emails within 24 hours. 
This is beyond impossible, but it's nice to have goals! I heard this from an executive I work with - and he really does keep to it. Granted, his emails are to the extent of "Thanks" "Sounds good", etc. and I tend to write War and Peace: The Sequel in my emails, but I'd like to get back to people while the content of their emails is still relevant.

7) Use the phone more, email less. 
Remember back when we had personal contact? Yeah, that.

8) Entertain in the home more.
I'm constantly out, which is fun but not totally personal and, sure, expensive.  I love it but I think this year I'll try to mix it up and make use of my place more- cook dinners, gather friends, just lounge around and make it even more homey. Homie?


9) Travel guy.
I didn't even know this was a resolution for me, but we were babbling about resolutions when we hiked to the waterfall in Colombia and this one came tumbling out of my mouth.  Apparently (says my subconscious?) I want to be with a guy I am excited to travel with, and to go ahead and travel with him. Traveling well together is obviously a great way to assess how you guys fare generally, but I love travel and I realize it's something I need someone else to be into- exploring places, going beyond your limits.  From his love of travel I would apparently be able to draw sweeping generalizations about his understanding of his place in the world.  Ok, but if we're being honest, there's also the little fact that there are places I want to go that would be a lot of fun with my girlfriends, but a male bodyguard would be nice and/or necessary (for one thing).  Plus, as great of a time as we have, I have to stop accidentally going on romantic-destination vacations with my best girlfriends.  See also: Mexico, Paris, Greece, cruises, the Caribbean.  I mean, seriously.

10) Develop a new talent.
Obviously I don't know what this one is gonna be, but knowing me it will be a little off the wall. Archery, anyone?


11) Write more. 
And here we are.

fiftyfiftyme: Movie #2, Absurdistan

Ok, apparently we're living in bizarro world, because I just watched my second movie of the challenge, but have yet to finish a single book. 

I visited my sis and we popped in a random comedy we found on Netflix, Absurdistan. I assumed it was the film from the Gary Shteyngart book of the same name (which I haven't read) - turns out I'm wrong. It's a Russian flick and we went into it pretty much blind.

The premise of the movie is simple- young lovers are finally going to have their first night together, but it coincides with the women of the town going on strike against the men (read: no sex) for continuing to neglect the water shortage in the town.  So it's up to our young hero to sort out water for the village and set the gender relations back on track if he wants a night of his own. 'Tis a lot to saddle a young teen with, no?

The movie is beautifully shot- the sets are colorful and engaging, and the story is told with so little dialogue and so much facial expression.  It has the feeling of a (slightly raunchy) folk tale, and is a total escape. 

It picked up awards at a few festivals, and I can see why. While this movie takes place in a world none of us can imagine, the gender wars surpass cultural, economical, or linguistic boundaries to be both identifiable and hilarious.  My sole complaint is that I felt bad for the guy.  To the very end I wasn't entirely convinced why he liked her so much (maybe his miming was better than hers?)  I would have kicked her to the curb. But hey, that's what makes it romantic I guess!

The best thing about it, I researched later, is that it's not entirely absurd.  In fact, the movie is based on a true story!  Veit Helmer, the writer and director, was inspired by "a 2001 newspaper account of women in the Turkish village of Sirt refusing to accommodate their husbands until they fixed a broken pipeline."  

If I rated movies, this would get a B, but mostly only because I'm stingy with A's.

2 for 2, people!

My fiftyfifty.me Begins! (2012)

Once upon a time, Jon had this great idea to try and watch 50 movies and read 50 books in the year 2012.  But I've already told you that part.

Fast forward to January 1st, when I watched my first movie of 2012.  I decided to set a light tone for the year and start with a romantic comedy. I got a few minutes into Love and Other Disasters, starring Brittany Murphy, and it was, true to its name, pretty disastrous, mostly in the British accent department.  I decided rather than waste time on something I'm not enjoying (hopefully a habit I will keep up throughout the year), I'd try something else.  So I started to watch TiMER, which I had saved in my Netflix queue but am not quite sure how I found it.  I tend to be willing to watch anything that's a romantic comedy. It's like candy for my little brain.  I have a million foreign films and documentaries lined up (just trying to save my street cred here, can you blame me?) but I wanted something easy to slide right into the new year.

MOVIE #1: TiMER
Now, I don't remember how I came across the movie TiMER, but the concept stuck in my head- it's about a company creating chips they can implant in you that will begin counting down to when you'll meet your soulmate (once that person, too, has a chip).  I won't give you the whole synopsis, it's probably worth watching.  I identified with more of the dialogue than I expected to, and the characters were all very likeable.  But what I enjoyed most was that it had a smart sense of humor and opened up the age-old discussion of whether it's better to know your fate, good or bad, or if you should just wing it.  And is there only one person for you?

Let's be honest, it's not common for romantic comedies to get you thinking.  I found myself wondering what I would do, if I would get a bracelet, how it would change things to know that someone was/not coming into your life.  Where does timing play into your life?  What do you do when, like one character, you find out that your soulmate IS out there... but it'll be approximately 5000+ days until you guys cross paths (apparently the answer is: you sleep around).
 A lot of girls (myself included) tend to eyeball whether something is worth their time; we don't, especially in our 30s, do as much of dating because someone is interesting or just funny to be around.  We'll move on if we don't see it going somewhere.  The irony is that we end things and we don't know if, in a parallel world, it would be the person you end up with, because you close that dorr.  In the movie romance quickly becomes subjected to the timer litmus test.  In fact, the opening scene is a girl dragging her new (1 month) boyfriend in to get timers so they can figure out if this is worth their time.

I guess on some level, women already do this, blurting out questions about long-term goals and needs on first dates.  (Thanks simply to the bad advice of a dating guru whose butt landed on Oprah's couch)  Women often put out awkward feelers early on to figure out if they have the information they need to proceed (or not) with a guy they're seeing.  TiMER effectively offers the scientific scenario (hm...perhaps it should be filed under "fantasy" for women??) -- where you could just, with the press of a timer, identify if you're investing your time in the "right" person.

Ultimately the question becomes whether experience for experience's sake has any value in a world where you could move straight to point B.  With a timer it becomes about the destination, not the journey.  So pick your side.  And having the timer/not becomes somewhat of a social statement in the movie, a ready identifier of people who live by different philosophies regarding fate and romance.

Would you get a timer if they really existed?  After devoting more time to pondering a romantic comedy than I ever have or ever will again, I can safely say that I don't think I would.  I don't know that I could handle the pressure or the disappointment of its certainty.  I read the horoscope in line at the coffee shop and that's enough to rattle me, so do I really need to know the facts about my long-term future?  Nope!

Anyhow, I was excited to watch my first movie of the year and the fiftyfifty.me challenge, and it got me thinking that I might explore a "sci-fi romantic comedy" major.  (Yeah, I didn't know that existed until yesterday either.)  It might end up being a minor, because there really aren't that many options.  But so far I've found another couple of movies that might fit in my sci fi romcom category, Peggy Sue Got Married (which I've never seen) and Happy Accidents (which I'd never heard of).  The key is to see how they can work comedy into it. They always throw a hot chick into sci fi movies to keep the boys entertained, so the challenge is in making it cute.

By the way, am I the only person who sees "romantic comedy" and automatically thinks "Meg Ryan"? Just wondering. 

As for Book #1, I'm slogging through The Tiger's Wife by Tea Obrecht.  The book is covered in praise, which can be hit or miss.  Usually I'm skeptical, but right now my defenses are down because last year I read Jennifer Egan's Visit From the Goon Squad, equally decorated with accolades, and it totally delivered.  The writing in Tiger is good, but not keeping me up at night.  I'm hoping it picks up- I have lots to do!  The last time I put so many holds on books/movies at the library I was 12.  In the meantime, I will probably diversify and read something else, just so I don't, you know, lose all my enthusiasm about reading. Ok, slightly dramatic.

If you guys are fiftyfifty'ing, rest assured that I'm trawling your blogs and goodreads lists for suggestions.  The question isn't whether I'll get 50/50 done- I think I will. The key is to actually enjoy what I dive into.  I can safely say that on movies, I'm 1 for 1 so far.  Hooray!

My Year in Books (2011)

I want this life.

The end of the year is a time to look back and try to be reflective.  Good for you if you look back and try to figure out if you've been a good person, blah blah blah.  What I really care about is: What Did I Read? 

Every year I start with lofty intentions. This year, yet again, I promised myself that I would read War and Peace. I even bought it! And, surprise surprise, I didn't read it - yet again. I did, however, use it as an extremely useful bedroom doorstop during windy days (true story).  I plan on reading it one day, but that's the thing about reading -what you intend to read, and where you actually go with it is completely different.

Some brilliant writers have taken on this topic, including the hilarious Sara Nelson in her book So Many Books, So Little Time, or my hero Nick Hornby, in his columns What I'm Reading, where he documents what he has bought vs. what he is reading.  (Funny how the two never match up).  I bought tons of books this year; it was certainly a year of good intentions.  But now I look back at my shelves and they are loaded down with serious books like Ingrid Bettancourt's memoir or The Count of Monte Cristo all the way through impulse buys like James Franco's short story collection, all unread.  I have to wonder what I really did with my time.

To date (I have a week left) I have read 37 books.  So how did 2011, A Year In Books, work out? 

Books Read in 2011:
Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill (gift from a friend. first book of a year that did not end prosperously, fyi)
Mating, Norman Rush (not instructional)
One Day, David Nicholls
Me, Ricky Martin (any celeb bio that doesn't include a personal photo montage is a shame to the genre)
The Faithful Spy, Alex Berenson
War on Error, Melody Moezzi
No Lifeguard on Duty, Janice Dickinson
Attached, Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Reinventing Mona, Jennifer Coburn
The Big Love, Sarah Dunn
Who the Hell is Pansy O'Hara?, Jenny Bond and Chris Sheedy (Who the hell IS that? I can't remember)
Why Men Love Bitches, Sherry Argov
The Confessions of Rick James, Rick James
I Am the Messenger, Mark Zusak
You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs, Laurie Graff
The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene
Love and Other Impossible Pursuits, Ayelet Waldman
Eating the Dinosaur, Chuck Klosterman
LaToya, LaToya Jackson
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, JK Rowling
Book of Illusions, Paul Auster (proof that friends can make stellar recommendations)
Boy Meets Girl, Meg Cabot (she never fails. EVER.)
The Male Brain, Louann Brizendine (there is one!)
Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell
The Maze Runner, James Dashner (precursor to The Hunger Games phenomenon. meh)
Life As I Know It Has Been "Finger Lickin Good", Colonel Sanders (best title)
The Boy Next Door, Meg Cabot
Donut Days, Lara Zielin
Bossypants, Tina Fey (great writer. weird cover)
The First Time, Cher
Everyone Loves You When You're Dead, Neil Strauss (great concept- "outtakes" from famous interviews)
A Visit From the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan
The Shadow of the Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Happy Birthday or Whatever..., Annie Choi
Memoirs of My Melancholy Whores, Gabriel Garcia Marquez (read in Colombia!)
My Booky Wook, Russell Brand
Sky of Red Poppies, Zohreh Ghahremani

Now, I'm not saying I was a brain trust this year. I alternated between heavy heavy lit and books so light I'm almost embarrassed to list them here.  For example, a solid chunk of the books were for Celebrity Trash Bio Book Club, the greatest book club of all time.  Now twelve times a year I now read the life of a celebrity I wouldn't otherwise care about.  These are always embarrassingly absorbing page-turners that leave me liking someone who the public disdains for some reason or another, and being able to defend them in conversation with minutae that requires me to then admit my sources. Shameful. But they make reading fun, and that's what it's about.

WORST BOOK:  One Day, David Nicholls. I had this recommended and had picked it up and put it back down so many times, then dove in.  I wanted to love it. Girl meets boy. Ooooh! Wait, girl is slightly nerdy and guy is wild child and guys doesn't notice she's there and she slides into girl best friend role? Cool, I could have saved $15 and read my own diary. Jeez.  But this is more the worst book of the year for false hopes and expectations, and an eventual movie adaptation starring Anne Hathaway.


BEST FICTION:  Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell simply blew my mind.  Someone had described it as a Russian doll of novels, and that's exactly what it is.  This was closely followed by Visit from the Goon Squad, which was a more widely recognized, perhaps more easily digestible novel using some of the same techniques.  Both books excited me about the potential of good literature all over again.  Mating was also fantastic, but is a lot of work (as is Cloud Atlas). But very smart, and very underlineable; a play on anthropologist studying a relationship (see quotes below).


BEST NONFICTION:  War on Error by Melody Moezzi. I had met Melody, a frequent writer for Ms Magazine, The Huffington Post, and a zillion other places, through friends and finally got to sit down and read her book front to back.  And that's how it happened because it's a swift, highly intelligent read.  A compilation of interviews, it paints an eloquent and engaging view of the breadth of Muslims; how people personalize the faith and interpret it in their lives across the country.  It couldn't be more timely or more well-written.

Also (and on the complete end of the spectrum), The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. A friend had recommended it and it was absolutely fantastic.  It studies the greatest lovers and seducers through history- whether literal or politicians, etc., and breaks the tales down for analysis. Equal parts history, inspiration, and how-to.  Incredibly readable.


SURPRISE BOOK OF THE YEAR: My mom's SKY OF RED POPPIES.  True story.  I had read many early drafts and finally got to sit down with the published, final, completely edited, bound version of the book this year.  I was engaged by learning more about the hushed society of Iran in the 1960s, and I found myself laughing out loud or being engaged by passages I had read time and again.  Then I turned the last page in tears.  It's so rare for fiction to be touching in that way. It's humbling when you know the person who wrote it.

MOST EMBARRASSING READ: Uh... anything from celebrity trash bio book club?  With honorable mention to LaToya Jackson's biography.  And yes, I read it in public. And yes, I'd do it all over again.

WRITERS I'LL KEEP READING:  In addition to those mentioned in these shout-outs, Ayelet Waldman and Paul Auster impressed. I finished both of their books sure that at some point I would pick up others by them.

BOOKS BY OTHER PEOPLE THAT I WILL PICK UP INSPIRED BY THIS YEAR AS A RESULT OF THESE READS:  Oriana Fallaci, an Italian journalist mentioned in The Art of Seduction; I want to read more about her. Will read Michael Chabon (finally) now that I've read his wife Waldman. After reading Rick James trash talk Prince (he says he stole all his moves), I will pick up the unauthorized Prince bio for sure and see what he has to say about Rick. Will read about the Branch Davidians/Waco (c/o Klosterman's essay about it) 

QUOTES I LOVED: 

"The closest you can come in life to experiencing free will is when you do things at random." Mating, p13


"He would say only slightly facetiously that the main effort of arranging your life should be to progressively reduce the amount of time required to decently maintain yourself so that you can have all the time you want for reading."  Mating, Norman Rush, p 194.

"Liars are the enemy. They transcend class, sex, and nation. They make everything impossible." Mating, p315


"You fall in love with a person because your subconscious likes something about their subconscious, and it isn't until much later that you discover that that thing your subconscious liked was the fact that this person was built to hurt you in precisely the way you most fear."  The Big Love, Sarah Dunn, p146

"Keep on unfolding, no matter what."  The Big Love, p 225


"Boredom is the ultimate social evil." The Art of Seduction, p130

"No one is naturally mysterious, at least not for long." The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene, p190

"People secretly yearn to be led astray by someone who knows where they are going." The Art of Seduction, p315

"No one is born timid; timidity is a protection we develop.  If we never stick our necks out, if we never try, we will never have to suffer the consequences of failure or success."  The Art of Seduction, p410


"Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke of everything, and a lousy joke at that." The Shadow of the Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafon, p107

"Sometimes what matters isn't what one gives but what one gives up." The Shadow of the Wind, p186

"Life has enough torturers as it is, without you going around moonlighting as a Grand Inquisitor against yourself." The Shadow of the Wind, p319

"Waiting is the rust of the soul." The Shadow of the Wind, p315


"Inspiration gives no warnings" Memoirs of My Melancholy Whores, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, p4


WHAT I LEARNED FROM BOOKS THIS YEAR:  That all the rich magnates of the world had the same secret philosophy, and one beautiful leatherbound version later, I'm not sure I know what it is.   That there are a lot of people writing books about playing hard to get.  That I much prefer to read light chick lit about girls who don't have the slightest clue how to play hard to get and still have it work out for them.  That LaToya is less Michael's sister and (as my own sister puts it) "just another crazy fan".  That I must pick my YA carefully; not every book is the Hunger Games.  That Tina Fey and Russell Brand are excellent writers.  That sometimes when a book wins every freaking award out there, it actually deserves them.  That I need to read much, much more.

I just signed up for fiftyfifty.me so there's probably gonna be a little more rhyme and reason, and even more page-turning in 2012. Can't wait!

Fiftyfifty.me : The Lazy Man's Flash Mob

As you know by now, I like a good challenge.  I am one of those weirdos who actually keeps a bucket list.  I'm very much a "Why not?" person when it comes to trying new things (except jumping out of planes. Planes are my chosen form of transportation, people.)
 
My friend-author-philosopher-hero Jon mentioned to me that he was going to read 50 books and watch 50 movies in the coming year.

Are you kidding me? Are you crazy?  Who has that kind of time?

Wait... I want in too.

And then I thought of a few friends I thought would enjoy it -- so we set to creating the Fifty Fifty challenge. And guess what, you're invited. 

On the FiftyFifty.me website, we each offered a post about why we were doing this.  Jon said he was doing it because he needs to read more.  He's always reading!  But, as per his post, he confessed that he doesn't finish everything he starts, and he tends to read a lot of articles instead of full books.  He also confesses to having a spreadsheet about what books he's reading, but that's neither here nor there.

The thing is, everyone has their own reason for taking a challenge on.  Maybe you're bored.  Maybe you want cheaper entertainment.  Maybe you feel guilty about all those books you bought.  Maybe you have way too much time on your hands.  Maybe you have insomnia.  Maybe you need something to make you feel better about how many hours you spend watching E!

If something in you is inspired to join us, I hope you'll drop by the fiftyfifty.me website, add your name to the list, and skim the "rules".  Introduce yourself, start prepping your list (or, don't make a list at all and see where the year takes you).  Tell your friends, make them hold you to it.  [For a bonus round, seal your deal with this handy little app we made. <---- shameless plug by author]

FiftyFifty.me -- a mob of people, all doing the same thing.  But here's the clincher- you don't even have to leave your couch!  (I know, that sold me too)

Now, I didn't say it would be easy.  Even though they'd take less time, I envision myself rushing on the film side in December 2012.  I am having repeated visions of someone opening my apartment door to find me holed up a la Howard Hughes, watching movie after movie in a desperate attempt to catch up before the deadline.  Either way, it will be fun.

Let me know what you'll be reading/watching in 2012, and if you're up for it, tell me why.
50 books. 50 movies. 1 you. 1 year.
Let's do this.


My fiftyfifty.me post is included below.

**

Once upon a time there was a girl who read everything she said she wanted to read and watched every movie that had been recommended to her. And she lived happily ever after, or something like that.

See, it's really all about setting intentions.

Whenever people walk into my home for the first time, they say "Wow, you have so many books."  There are books stacked on my kitchen counter, in stacks in my bedroom, laying by the fireplace, exploding from 2 bookshelves.  There is barely enough room for everything I want to read in my life - literally (oh, the puns!). So this is the year I'm going to do it.

One day when I was being a snob and talking about how I always prefer to read, a friend stopped me and pointed out that books and films are important counterparts.  The bookworm in me was horrified, but quickly realized she's right; you probably don't have a completely fulfilled cultural life if you're engaging in one and not the other.  It's about finding the right movies to watch; just like it's about the books that keep you up at night.

I'm looking forward to using this challenge to inspire myself to knock things off my list that have been there forever.  To finish my favorite author Milan Kundera's bibliography.  To lie around and take in classic films I'm ashamed not to have seen yet (Auntie Mame and Sunset Blvd come to mind). To blow through celeb bios that I have yet to prioritize the time to read (David Hasselhoff, I'm on my way!)  To read some of the classics I have never touched.  To watch Gladiator and Braveheart so I can stop giving blank looks to men who refer to them constantly. 

More than the challenge to myself, I'm looking forward to hearing and learning about what other people (you!) are reading and watching, 50 times over, rinse and repeat.  Basically I'm in it to see what happens when we devote a year to driving ourselves absolutely berzerk trying to get it done.  Let the intellectual experiments begin...

Start stretching!

Don't Mind the Gap

Recently two stories have highlighted the ever-widening generation gap.  I am on the losing (read: laughing) end of this.


Scene 1: Friend, in a car driving kids she volunteers with.

They put in a cd of the song Workout by J Cole.  She strikes up conversation with them about it, saying "Cool that he used Paula Abdul, huh? Straight up now tell me!..."

One of the girls turns to her and says "What? Paula Abdul sings??"


**

Scene 2: A friend and I are talking about Halloween with another friend's daughter.

My friend, to the kid:  "Tell Lilly about your costume- and how you were Madonna for Halloween!" 

Kid: "No, I was a graveyard fairy*."
        (*note: No, we do not know what this is either)

My friend: "No! I saw you!"

Kid: "I was a graveyard fairy."

My friend:  "...But you had the gloves. You were Madonna!"

Kid: "I don't even know who Madonna IS!"

The Heart of Rock n Roll

Some part of me thought it would be fun to run a half marathon in the month of December in the desert.  The key with this sort of inspiration is to sign up before you can rethink what you're doing.  Which I did.  Then, before I knew it, it was the start of December.  I was fresh off a vacation where I had eaten my way through my target country.  I hadn't been on a treadmill in weeks.  I had run 8 miles at my peak, so I had to cough up another 5 in order to cross a finish line... at night... in the freezing cold.

Well, I did it, and my badge of honor is my ghetto limp.  Just in case you are so inspired, here's my shorthand guide on How to Survive a Race.

HOW TO SURVIVE A RACE

1) Pick a race that actually interests you.

I don't mean the distance- pick a course you'll enjoy seeing as you do the run.  This makes all the difference when you're at mile 9 and want to die.  I have done three half marathons- America's Finest City in San Diego, one across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, and (now) Rock n Roll Las Vegas.  The key with RnRLV was that they close off the Strip at night and let all 40,000 of you run like madmen down the middle.  It's these little perks, these unusual settings, or views you wouldn't normally get, that will motivate you to keep going.







2)  Get inspired.

You need inspiration.  Actually, what you need is emotional blackmail.

We accomplished this using a technique I had read about somewhere- we dedicated each of the 13 miles to someone or something.  I included people I love dearly who have passed away, family members, friends who are going through tough times, friends who are just really supportive, organizations that inspire me, and of course myself (mile 13).  We wrote our lists on our arms in permanent marker, so as we passed mile markers, we'd roll up our sleeves, look, and chug ahead.






3)  Find someone else who has done it, ie. "the bar setter".

Find someone who has done something similar and use them to remind yourself if they can do it, you can too.  For me, this person was Dawn Dais, author of The Nonrunner's Guide to Marathon Training for Women.  Using herself to set the (self-proclaimed low) bar for fellow runners is completely intentional, and she uses 200+ pages of self-deprecation to remind you of what you're capable of doing if you wipe off the Cheeto dust and stand (for starters).

And it's true, so much of this is mind over matter.  The book is about Dawn's journey from couch potato to marathoner, and is full of hilarious wisdom for how to get yourself over the finish line no matter who you are when you start.  You will need to rehydrate, because you will laugh til you cry while reading it.  The night before our race, we read aloud from it in the hotel room. Yes, it's that funny.

(By the way, the title is a misnomer, because nothing in the book is specifically for women.    It's so good that I bought my brother a copy.  You'll hear about him in a second.)


4)  Find the right attitude.

I was running with two people (my best friend and my brother), neither of whom had run a long-distance race.  They had to go on faith that when I said it's mind over matter, I meant it.  (My brother: "At what point do you admit there is just more matter than mind?")  At the Expo the day before the race, we played into the runner's nerves economy and purchased a number of things we probably didn't need, including some cute moisture-wicking Bondi headbands.

Cyrus picked out one that would become our motto throughout the run, inspiring not just us, but every runner we passed (or, in more cases, passed us), "Suck it up, Cupcake."  For those of you paying close attention, the right attitude is just to have fun with the race.  For the 6 miles that my brother and I ran in lockstep during the race, he continued to keep the right attitude, playing air drums and generally just having the time of his life. So much so that a woman found us after the race, as we were walking back into the hotel, and said that she had followed him, his hair, his headband, and his attitude, and paced herself through the race -- and thanked him. 



5)  Run with people who will keep you going.

My best friend and I handed each other Gu drops, jellybeans, Dixie cups of water, and doses of motivation as we hobbled along the route.  My brother made me laugh with his air drumming and the huge smile across his face as he made it further than he imagined he could.

They key is to run with people who know whether they should stay with you, leave you to run your own pace, stop and stretch with your, and just how to make you feel good about the fact that you're there at all.  In my case it was important to have someone who I can psychically communicate with using minimal additional motion, ie. only eyerolling.  Also important: run with people who will join you in toasting your weight's worth of bacon cheeseburgers when you're done.

In addition to whoever's on the course with you, maybe you'll be lucky and have a tech-savvy satellite supporter.  My sister had no interest in slogging down the Strip, but she might as well have been by my side through the race.  She told me to download an app so she could track where I was and send encouragement.  (as an aside: this app didn't work, and when she contacted customer service, they told her we should both reinstall- because, you know, I was really going to stop at mile 7 and REINSTALL THEIR WONKY APP)

There's something to be said for looking down at your phone (yes, it was attached to my hip. Literally this time) and seeing "woo hoo! go you!" or a picture of an adorable pet holding up motivational posters. 


6)  Make a good playlist.

Mine featured James Brown's Living in America. It's a no-brainer that you should lean heavily on the Rocky theme song, Eye of the Tiger, The Final Countdown, and draw liberally from the Footloose soundtrack.  I have heard more than one story of people's stereos/iPods, etc getting stuck.  In Dawn's book, the weekend she ran the marathon in Hawaii it just happened to be Milkshake weekend. Yikes. On our race, Jessica's iPod limited her songlist during the race to only 30 of the songs.  As a result, she never wants to hear Single Ladies again (fact: I wouldn't have wanted to hear it in the first place).  All I'm saying is: choose carefully.

before you know it, you'll have one of these

7)  Accept what is given.

I'm not trying to be all zen here.  I mean it literally- accept what is given. They don't hand out water and Gu on the course for their own good.  By rehydrating periodically and injecting (not literally) carbs into your system, you will get the bursts of energy that you need when the going gets tough (the tough get going, see #6, above)  Don't leave the volunteer standing there holding a cup like a chump- grab it and say thank you.  Even if all you want to do is swipe the table of cups clear and lie down on it.


8)  Think less, just put one foot in front of the other, press play, and go.

Girl Talk, Real Talk: The Regrets Edition

After one of those weird nights where you spend too much time on Facebook and realize that 99% of the population is engaged or married or propagating the human race while you have been, um, updating your blog, tonight I confessed to one of my best girlfriends that it sometimes feels like other people move forward, and I stay in the same place.

Her:  But you are not stagnate. Just bc you're not married doesn't mean you haven't had amazing life experiences along the way. You just ran a freakin marathon!

Me:  You know what I mean ;)  If there is a nuclear war, my marathons don't hide with me.

Her:  Yeah I do know what you mean. And knowing the guys we date, they'd throw us out of the nuclear bomb shelter.

That's what your girlfriends are there for, folks.  Make sure to keep them on speed dial.

Viva Colombia!

If one more person had said, "You're going to COLOMBIA? Why???" I would have gone crazy.  Now that I'm back, the real question is why haven't you gone yet? 

Colombia has long been on my list of places to visit, so recently when some college girlfriends were batting around getaway destinations, I threw my suggestion into the list.  I was beyond floored when they accepted, but I knew better than to question my luck.

The streets of Cartagena

Rarely in my life have I gone somewhere with such little frame of reference.  (Frame of reference: coffee, soccer, Shakira, coffee) On the upside, we were ready to completely discover, on the downside, we didn't have much of a clue what we were doing.  If you were prey to any of the lame stereotypes that exist for this country, you might be put off, or even worried.  Fortunately, we were too busy extracting ourselves from work and life to marinate in misconceptions.  We nailed the basics early on: our route and the places we'd stay.  We decided that we would skip the major cities (Bogota and Medellin) on this trip and land directly in Cartagena.  From there we would explore the city for a few days and then wander further north along the coast.  All systems go.

Now, you can admit it if you're not entirely sure where Colombia is on a map.  You should know before I go any further.  So here you go, don't worry, I won't tell. 

Colombia is the gateway for many of the continent's imports and exports (go ahead, make your coke jokes- I'll wait).  We began in Cartagena, a beautiful port town at the northwest.  Tourists tend to go directly into the old walled city, which is what we did for starters. It's beautiful, and it's safe, and Anthony Bourdain had been there.

Courtesy of the trusty internets, we connected with the incomparable local guide Marelvy Peña-Hall.  Marelvy is a local tour expert fluent in three languages and equally able to guide you through her nation's history in any one of them.  We went to La Popa for a beautiful sunset and a vantage point from which you could take in the magnitude of this port city.  From up high at La Popa (which used to be a convent- 99% of what we saw in Cartagena

my first cup

was!), you could still hear the music pulsing from the city down below.  Spectacular.  She took us for our first cup of Juan Valdez coffee, ambled with us through Portal de los Dulces (a street of homemade sweets vendors), and showed us a few more buildings that used to be convents...  We wandered the streets with Marelvy as she told us tales of Simon Bolivar, and pointed out landmarks in Gabriel Garcia Marquez tales.

Following that, we spent two more days in Cartagena "eating our way through Colombia", as I called it.  You're not doing the city justice unless you do.  (Details and recommendations follow)

From Cartagena we journeyed 4 hours north in a van.  Transport in Colombia is privatized, so you reserve a van and they pick you up.  Think of an airport shuttle, but, in this particular case, the "shuttle" was full of people who do not understand the concept of "light packing", "personal space", or "don't sing out loud in small spaces if you are not paid to do so".   And you're in the van with them for hours.  With no bathroom breaks.  It was like a travel reality show, where the award is finding out who is going to handle being incontinent in their old age better.

To answer the questions that are probably arising in your mind about safety, it was visible that Colombia is taking steps to make the country safer for tourists.  As you'd drive the country roads and highways there were soldiers/officers every so often, always with a rifle, but they looked so relaxed that there was no reason for alarm. It was a reassuring presence rather than anything else.  At no point were we warned against wandering - some said to watch our purses, but even at the national park we were told it was fine to go it alone (and we did).  Common sense seemed to be all you needed.

Casa de Isabella, Santa Marta

view from Eco Hostal Yuluka

We arrived in Santa Marta, the oldest city in South America.  The city was a small, intimate beach town, but housed an adorable boutique hotel called Casa de Isabella, whose breakfast is, alone, worth the visit there (read my review here).  Their staff redefined hospitable, as you can read in my Tripadvisor rave (always pay the recommendations forward!)  Santa Marta is good for eating (a theme throughout the region, we learned), and we walked by the beach and took in the views at the port.  It was a quieter town, but we enjoyed the history and the calm.  We could feel ourselves inching away from tourist havens and further into the arms of an authentic Colombia (not to be confused with inching into the arms of an authentic Colombian, which did not happen despite daydreams to the contrary).

Eco Hostal Yuluka

From Santa Marta we continued a half hour north to the outskirts of Parque Tayrona. For our visit to the Parque we stayed at the incredibly unique Eco Hostal Yuluka, a set of charming, deluxe cabins (think air conditioning and Direct TV) within gorgeous plants and moments away from the entrance.  It's Gilligan's Island meets a bed and breakfast.  The owners, Wilmar and Nelli, are a lovely young couple who double as fantastic tour guides; without them we would have missed one of my favorite parts of the trip.  There isn't a ton happening at the hotel; this is where you'll come to relax after your hike, sip some Colombian beers and play cards with your girlfriends like the cowboys you are.  Note: they don't have hot water.  Prepare to spongebathe!

Once our bags were dropped in our beautiful accommodations, we prepared to enter the famed national Parque Tayrona.  Picture the lush green of the lush Sierra Nevadas ending in a perfectly turquoise Caribbean Ocean. Take that, Hawaii!  Folks who only make it as far as Cartagena or one of the big cities, I hate to break it to you but you are missing out on a global treasure.  Photos do not do this place justice - it's heaven incarnate.  We hiked in through el bosque, the forest path, arriving at the first beach in about 45 minutes.  The first stop is a large campground with a couple of casual restaurants and hammocks tied up in every which direction; it is common for travelers rent a hammock and sleep on the beach.  (Travelers who do not like air conditioning and Direct TV, I guess.)

From there, you hike 15-30 minute intervals before arriving at another outlet to a beach.  These beach stops dot the coastline -- we hiked about 4 of the beaches before turning around.  Because we went at low season for tourists (November, the end of rainy season), we passed other travelers but didn't deal with the hordes we were told exist during high season.  It also meant we could wear bikinis with abandon, a nice perk.


After galavanting on the beach (said galavanting was punctuated by my screams of pain as I stepped on and into every rock available in that region of the Caribbean).  Once we were adequately sunburned and sea watered, we began the hike home.  Rather than return the way we came, we left through la playa, the beach path.  This path, contrary to name, isn't on the beach, but heads a different direction from the beach, and felt a bit more jungly than the forest, which was incredible given that it couldn't have been more than a half mile away.  Rather than just trees, we walked through webs of vines to find our way back to civilization.  More tips on that below.

Our second day in the Parque Tayrona region, we didn't actually go into the park.  Our host at the Eco Hostal Yuluka recommended that we visit La casada, the local waterfalls.  This required a walk along a river for about a half hour and some scrambling up rocks, but was worth it and was actually my favorite portion of the trip.  For the afternoon we were whisked away to a private beach that we had entirely to ourselves- hammocks were tied up for us.  I laid in mine reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez, rocking back and forth in the wind as another beautiful Colombian storm began to brew, and just taking it all in.

La cascada

TIPS FOR TRAVELING IN COLOMBIA

* Learn some basic Spanish.  Time to dust off your high school Spanish, kids.  While some people are enthusiastic about practicing their English with you, in the outlying cities English is rare and sign language will only get you so far.

* Befriend a few trusted figures, for example the concierge at your hotel- get all the details you can.  The more specific you are able to be about what you want to do, the easier it will be for people to give you recommendations.  Colombians are extremely warm and helpful, but don't make them do all the work. 

*  Be prepared to eat lots of seafood.  The seafood and produce in Colombia are incredibly fresh, and chefs are eager to show it off in their cuisine. Whether it's a fancy restaurant or a casual hut in the jungle, chefs tend to be liberal with the meat portions.  This is your chance to try smoked stingray, and I'm warning you that it's unexpectedly delicious.  In short, if you are a vegetarian, you may want to preview your food choices or at least get comfortable asking for your food modifications in Spanish so there is no confusion.  

*Take an umbrella... but be prepared to leave it there.  For some reason unknown to me, I was allowed to take my umbrella IN to Colombia but it was forcibly removed upon my exit.  There may actually be an umbrella shortage there.  During rainy season, the storms are long and powerful.  Forget whatever you've experienced before- this is the stuff flash floods are made of.  For us, they tended to happen from about 5-8pm, when it was already dark.  We took shelter and enjoyed wine and cheese in our hotel to kill time before late dinner (Colombian style).  If you have curly hair, take a helmet or other hair-restraining device. This weather situation is serious, and your vanity should not take the potential for humidity lightly.

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  the walls around the old city, Cartagena

TIPS FOR CARTAGENA

* Take your time wandering the old walled city.  Know going into things that the city is difficult to navigate- street names change from block to block, so you'll be working with sight more than names.  Become comfortable getting lost and asking for directions. 

*  Consider hiring a local tour guide to maximize your experience.  Actually, don't hire just any guide, book early with Marelvy Peña-Hall.  Her big smile and her customized tours are an essential part of a proper visit to Cartagena.  You can trust her to steer you away from the tourist traps, to help you navigate the streets of the town like a local, and to patiently answer even the most inane questions about her beautiful town and country.

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  Sunset at La Popa

• *  Catch sunset at La Popa. 
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• *  Prepare to eat. When I came back, I joked that I had "eaten my way through Colombia"... except it wasn't really a joke.  We went armed with a list of restaurants, so I'll spare you and share the best of here. 
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• Do not miss La Vitrola- make a reservation because this old world candlelight restaurant is well worth an evening, and everyone seems to know it.  Book it first thing upon your arrival, perhaps as a last dinner.  The seafood casserole will change your life.   
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• *  Try at least one arepa, a cornmeal patty often stuffed with egg or similar, and chorizo -- yum!  Everywhere will have them. An arepa, a sausage, and a bold cup of coffee will remind you why you traveled so far and what we're missing out with when we have crappy diet yogurt for breakfast.  

* The traditional drink is agua diente, which, like many knock-you-on-your-butt liquors, is licorice scented.  But tradition is tradition.

* Stop by La Cevicheria for the best ceviche in town, a cuisine that highlights the freshness of the seafood available to you in Colombia.  If it was good enough for Anthony Bourdain -- and me -- it's good enough for you.

* Enjoy a fun fusion dinner at San Pedro or Juan Del Mar; both restaurants have unusual dishes like curried shrimp, served in beautiful settings where you can relax and people watch to your heart's delight.

* Lounge around at the Hotel Santa Clara, the Sofitel.  It's (act surprised) an old convent that has been restored into a gorgeous tropical hotel.  The weekend brunch is delicious and filling, and even taking in a coffee sitting in their courtyard is beautiful.  They have a bar that plays music on the weekends, but if you followed my advice you'll be too full to do anything except roll yourself back to your hotel.

Parque Tayrona

TIPS FOR PARQUE TAYRONA

* Try to have someone drive you IN to the park; otherwise you're adding a few extra kilometers on to your hike by starting at the opening gate. Trust me on this one.

* Take the forest path in and the beach path out- different paths offer you completely different environments.

* Avoid walking at dark unless you want bats swooping down on your troop as you wander. Oh, and the park closes.

* Guides are available (but not necessary) to take you into the park. It's an extremely well-marked park and gives you signs to indicate what % of the way to the beach you are.

* Don't swim in the water unless it's an area they've indicated it's ok to do so. The undertow is brutal here and over 100 lives have been lost.  Signs are put up every so often to warn you of the same, but in case you're busy enjoying the views and not reading signs, DO NOT SWIM unless you're explicitly told it's ok to do so.

* Use a pair of shoes you are willing to sacrifice.  Somewhere in a garbage can in the innards of Colombia is a well-worn pair of Asics.  The tropical rain turns the terrain here to thick mud, and you are going to come home absolutely covered in it.

* Take bug spray.  Use it.  Prepare to be eaten anyhow, but realize it's a fraction of what it would have been.  

*  Take water.  There are food stands every so often, but you don't want to totally depend on them. A small bottle of water and even a snack would be good, but if you can buy fresh squeezed juice on the beach, don't miss out.

*  While you're in the area, don't miss La Cascada, the local waterfalls.  It's outside of the park but is well worth a few hours of your day to wander in along the beautiful river and to scramble up the rocks and take in the view.  Travel lightly for that portion, or you too may donate personal belongings to gods of the waterfall (RIP Tara's glasses, 2011)

me & my Boygirlparty.com Bon Voyage Journal / Hotel Santa Clara, Cartagena