(Persian) New Year's: Resolution Redux

(Borrowed from SF Bay Area Persians' FB page)

This time of year, I'm grateful for being bicultural (American and Iranian). While everyone else descends into the pit of self hatred and despair that naturally follows the ambitious and frankly hilarious resolutions of Jan 1, I join "my people" in ringing in Nowruz, or Persian New Year.  My people don't do resolutions, so by March (we celebrate the first day of spring), I am pleasantly reminded that any decision to do so or to keep going with mine is entirely voluntary.

First, a quick recap of what Persian New Year is (taken from my Facebook post, which people may have appreciated if only because it gave them respite from me talking about how my weather is better than yours and the merits of the Journey frontman documentary (Yes, those posts happened. Maybe more than once...)

For my American friends: Persian New Year falls on the moment it turns to spring (which is why your crazy Persian friends were all up at 4am posting at vernal equinox.) We celebrate by preparing (cleaning) the house, then gathering with loved ones to ring in the moment, standing in new clothes by a table decorated with traditional symbols of happiness, health and success. Then we eat. A lot. The world's baklava consumption spikes on this day courtesy of us. The next 2 weeks are spent visiting as many people as we can, to greet the new year with them.

This holiday is the biggie for us - it's celebrated by everyone, regardless of religion - and it's a reminder of fresh starts and all the good to come. That's worth celebrating, don't you think? Happy New Year! (Norooz)

Persian New Year this year came at, oh 4:02 am. My family was feeling highly superstitious and sensitive after the recent and unexpected passing of my aunt, and so we decided to be sure to ring it in together at all costs. The siblings, the parents, we all got together in our new pajamas and welcomed the year with bleary eyes and big hearts and hugs.  So, my second new year now squared away, it's time to revisit where I am with resolutions.  My list, from January is here:

1. Learn Italian.
Started! Am signed up for the second course, even. Go figure that I got a lovely Italian teacher who a) speaks minimal English, meaning the entire class is in Italiano. Then go figure that we haven't really learned anything linear. Remember when David Sedaris' foray into French? Yeah, like that. 
Sciopero! Il pigiama! Capelli brizzolati! Pigro! (Strike! Pajamas! Salt and pepper hair! Lazy!)

2. Keep healthy but actually tempting foods at home - at all times. 
I wouldn't say "at all times" but I'm better about it! Now if I can just work on that whole "eating while standing up" thing. 

3. Double my business. 
On track.

4. Go to New Orleans.
I'm honoring my bucket list and booked the ticket shortly after the post. Going next week. 

5. Start volunteering again.
I'm talking to some organizations and hope to join a new one here in San Diego soon. Stay tuned (by which I mean, keep bugging me, so I do this).

6. Hands Up
My nails are long, perfectly manicured talons now and if someone starts to look a little too closely, I just do jazz hands. Problem solved.

7. Write Regularly
Obviously not. I am writing very regularly, just not for myself, not in the way I meant by my resolutions. I'm writing constantly for clients. So that's good and it means I'm spending my days largely doing what I love. But I'll get there. Need a routine.

8. Do fiftyfifty.me
Doing it! I'm 10 movies, 7 books in. You think I watched the Journey documentary for my health?

9. Unplug more
Not yet. Not even close, although now I want to more. It'll come.

10. Get better at wasting time
I haven't gotten great at wasting time, but courtesy of my entire college experience, I'm sure I have it in me somewhere. I have, though, gotten better at prioritizing what's important to me. And that feels somehow more important.

New Year's Resolutions 2013

Time to do the recap of 2012's resolutions and see just where I fell. Here's my post from last year, with my list of intentions for 2012. Recap below, with commentary. (Always with commentary.)

Posting my new ones because there's nothing like publicly painting yourself into a corner. So now I have to see them through.

THE OLD YEAR 

1) Do more yoga. I wanted to learn a headstand, which I did not get to. I did, however, for half of the year, go to hot yoga religiously.  

2) Don't eat standing up. Did so-so on this one. Eating on the run is apparently a way of life for me.

3) Do fiftyfifty.me

Done and done! Read my recap of 50 books read and 50 movies watched here. I had wanted to finish reading Kundera's bibliography, but I got stuck on The Joke (still am). Maybe next year.

4) Go new places.

Did this! I didn't get to Africa or the California parks like I'd hoped, but I did get to Milan, Stuttgart, Lugano, and Lucerne, among others. Not complaining.

5) Find somewhere new to volunteer.

I found it, now I need to do it ;)

6) Respond to emails within 24 hours.

If you have emailed me over the past year, you are laughing as you read this. 

7) Use the phone more. Actually connect with people.

I actually did this!

8) Entertain in the home more.

Did not do this at all, outside of Celebrity Trash Book Club. Like, not even slightly. That's it, you're all invited over.

9) Travel with a guy I am excited to travel with. 

Last year I set a goal to go on an awesome vacation in 2012 - not with my girlfriends (amazing and fun travel companions though they are). And I did it. I had distinguished, awesome male company.  But note to me, next time I need to clarify that I want to travel with a man I am romantically involved with. Because said trip, while brilliant, was with my father. Har har, universe!  

But in a most literal sense I guess I can cross this off. Plus, going to see Germany through my Dad's eyes (he went to school there) was on my Bucket List, so I appreciate it on many levels. Done and done.

10) Develop a new talent.

As-yet undiscovered.

11) Write more.

Wrote a little bit more, including a new column for Zan Magazine which is a dream come true.  This year- even more. 

THE NEW YEAR

1. Learn Italian.

Already signed up. Here we go!

2. Keep healthy but actually tempting foods at home - at all times. 
If someone ever memorializes me in a painting, they wouldn't be off-base to do the flourescent glow of my face peering into a mostly-empty fridge after a long day at work. I want a full fridge, all the time! And when I say "actually tempting" I mean "not rice cakes". 

3. Double my business. 

4. Go to New Orleans.
I have been putting off a trip to New Orleans for years, and it's time to go sit in a bar and listen to some jazz. The bucket list so requires.

5. Start volunteering again.
I work with Real Medicine Foundation regularly, but I miss the hands-on volunteer experience. Going to get back into it this year, and may train to be a court-appointed special advocate for foster kids (CASA).

6. Hands Up
Had the horrifying realization that age shows on hands more than face. Must address promptly. My paws are NOT giving me away.

7. Write Regularly
If I applied the consistency of my coffee breaks to my writing routine, I'd be a pro by now.

8. Do fiftyfifty.me
This (www.fiftyfifty.me) was one of my favorite resolutions last year - obviously it's the one I really stuck to.  Can't wait to do it again. Which means I should probably start, so that December isn't spent in a full-on panic again.

9. Unplug more
I'm already dreading publishing this list because I already know the people who will make a snarky comment about this when I pick up my phone to check a text. I will unplug on my terms, but I will do it - regularly. I'm sick of my tracking device, aren't you?

10. Get better at wasting time.
Done living life in a rush, multitasking, etc. This year, we     b   r   e   a   t   h   e .
Time I spend being "productive" is better spent with family and friends, honestly.
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."



Resolutions that did not make the above list:
-Lose the sarcasm
-Get a 6 pack (except the beer kind. That I will always be up for)
-Drink water (implies that coffee is not water?!)

Fiftyfifty.me 2012: DONE!

I FINISHED FIFTYFIFTY.ME!

They said it couldn't be done.
They called us crazy.
In some cases they just called us losers.

Me: "Dad, are you going to join us and do Fiftyfifty.me?!"
Dad: "NO. Unlike you guys, I have a life!!!!!!"

My fiftyfifty.me started like this - Jon Yang came up with this brilliant idea to read 50 books and watch 50 movies during the year. Inspired, I got the idea that not only would I want to join him (because it sounded like a massive nerdy undertaking, and therefore, just my sort of thing), but perhaps others would too. Looking at our site now, 355 people publicly signed on, with others doing it on the wings.

And here we are, one by one, crossing the finish line.

As you can imagine, my brain is a little bit fried (particularly as I lived the month of December in a state of college finals-style panic). But here's the list! ** denotes favorites.

BOOKS:
1) The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Agatha Christie)
2) Knowing Your Value (Mika Brzezinski) **
3) Before I Go to Sleep (SJ Watson)
4) The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight (Jennifer E Smith)
5) The Tiger's Wife (Tea Obreht)
6) Yeah, I Said It (Wanda Sykes) **
7) Food Rules (Michael Pollan)
8) Ender's Game (Orson Scott Card)
9) Before the Mortgage (ed. Christina Amini & Rachel Hutton)
10) Divergent (Veronica Roth)
11) Lions of Little Rock (Kristin Levine) ** (Loved this one. Read my review here)
12) Stories I Only Tell My Friends (Rob Lowe)
13) StoriTelling (Tori Spelling)
14) Uglies (Scott Westerfield)
15) The Little White Care
16) L'Amant (Marguerite Duras)
17) Fifty Shades of Crap Grey
18) The Story Behind the Song
19) Scar Tissue (Anthony Kiedis)
20) Trinity (Leon Uris)
21) Trinity (Leon Uris. 900 pages)
22) But Enough About Me (Jancee Dunn)
23) Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn) **
24) I Feel Bad About My Neck (Nora Ephron) **
25) Ten Things We Did (and Probably Shouldn't Have) - (Sarah Mylnowski)
26) The Lover's Dictionary (Devid Levithan)
27) I Remember Nothing (and Other Reflections) - (Nora Ephron)
28) Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk (David Sedaris)
29) The Game (Neil Strauss)
30) The Girl in the Flammable Skirt (Aimee Bender)
31) As Husbands Go (Susan Isaacs)
32) Code Name Verity
33) The Giver (Lois Lowry)
34) Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (Mindy Kaling)
35) Where'd You Go, Bernadette? (Maria Semple)
36) More Baths, Less Talking (Nick Hornby)
37) Soulacoaster (R Kelly)
38) The Fault In Our Stars (John Green) **
39) How to Be a Woman (Caitlin Moran) **
40) The Affair (Lee Child)
41) Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
42) Tiny Beautiful Things (Cheryl Strayed) ** (Obsessed. Read my review here)
43) Seriously, I'm Kidding (Ellen Degeneres)
44) Confessions of a Video Vixen (Karrine Steffans)
45) Maus (Art Spiegelman)
46) Not Dead & Not For Sale (Scott Weiland)
47) Cool, Calm and Contentious (Merrill Markoe)
48) In the Bag (Kate Klise)
49) Smut (Alan Bennett)
50) For the Love of Letters (Samara O'Shea)

Alternates:
You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero (Bob Powers)/ Choose Your Own Adventure for adults
The Moon Daughter, Zoe Ghahremani (Pub date: 2013)

MOVIES:
1) Timer **
2) Absurdistan
3) Muppets **
4) Gattaca
5) A Separation **
6) The Artist **
7) In Time
8) W/E ** (one of my absolute favorite films this year)
9) The Joneses
10) Iron Lady
11) Friends with Kids
12) Being Elmo
13) Hunger Games
14) I Do
15) In the Land of Blood and Honey
16) Rue Cases-Negres
17) The Best Marigold Hotel
18) The Grey
19) Rock of Ages **
20) The Dictator
21) Little Manhattan **
22) The Intouchables (I haven't shut up about this since seeing it)
23) Dark Knight Rises
24) The Descendants
25) Serious Moonlight
26) Ruby Sparks
27) From Rome with Love
28) Up
29) Magic Mike
30) The Names of Love
31) Moonrise Kingdom
32) Mirror Mirror
33) The Runaway Bride
34) Argo
35) The Sessions (The only reason I didn't walk out of this movie was fiftyfifty.me)
36) First Position **
37) Katy Perry: Part of Me [oh no she didn't. oh yes, she did]
38) Limitless
39) Anna Karenina **
40) Dumb and Dumber (had somehow never seen this)
41) Manon des Sources
42) Out of Sight
43) Rebound
44) Still Bill
45) No Strings Attached
46) Five Year Engagement
47) Safety Not Guaranteed
48) Les Miserables
49) Lincoln
50) Happy

Post-Game Wrapup:
In what is no surprise to anyone who knows me, it was harder for me to get around to the movies than the books. People ask if we cheat and read children's picture books, etc. to get the count up. No, although I did foray into Young Adult books on a few occasions (The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green, is one of the best books I've read in recent years, actually). And I definitely generally found myself more willing to throw a book aside (or turn off a movie) if it wasn't doing the trick. Getting stuck and bored is one of the reasons people turn away from reading, I think, so I managed to avoid that almost completely.

In general I was so eager to hit the numbers that I gobbled up whatever came my way, which made it a much more interesting year of reading, taking in recommendations from other people at a pace I've never done before. In the end, it's a complete mash of topics and quality, but it was also, without a doubt, fun as hell.

I am most definitely signing on to do this for 2013. Starting tomorrow, in fact. No rest for the wicked, I say.

Why You Should Stop Everything and Read: Tiny Beautiful Things

 

I can list on one hand the number of books that have left me breathless and in tears.  The most recent is Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things, a compilation from her Dear Sugar column.  I had seen the book around, but didn't think much of it.  From the cover I thought it might be a shallow dating column from some women's magazine that was already full of enough junk advice that I didn't need more. How mistaken I was.

I opened Tiny Beautiful Things a couple of days ago and entered a world in which people write in to confess and and try to make sense of their sins, or their deepest fears and insecurities, or their latest personal tragedy, with a complete stranger who responds each and every time with a logic, compassion, and a tapestry of words so beautiful that I found myself literally breathless.

Although she could have just doled out some smartly-written advice, the brilliance in the column is in how far she goes into the trenches with her readers.  She scrapes up the very personal memories and stories, the lessons and experiences we, as strangers, have absolutely no right to access, and lays them before us, like a most patient teacher, so that we may learn something.  She doesn't flinch as she offers up her scars, so we can run a finger along them, perhaps even recoil, before looking again. Closely. 

While I have been reading Tiny Beautiful Things I have been consumed by the themes, the plot lines of the letters, and the stories Strayed used to convey her ultimate advice. Consumed, I tell you. I hadn't even finished the book before I'd bought a few copies to fire off to friends, and as I read I kept a mental tally of the others who will find it under their Christmas trees, in their birthday gifts, slipped to them in a moment when they need it most.

I realize I'm being vague here, and it's a conscious effort not to spoil the reading experience that I hope you will have after reading this.  I understood why certain topics hit home with me, but what of the others? How was I so affected by stories of marital infidelity, of grief after the loss of a child, of dealing with middle-aged body image issues, situations that couldn't be further from my realities?

This, my friends, is the key to good writing.  We often talk about fiction being transcendent, but I don't think we talk enough about nonfiction and its ability to bring us into other people's stories and lives and make us feel their pain for the moments we share. Dear Sugar's advice is directed at the person who has written in, but in the same way that a parent will say something to a spouse fully knowing the child is listening in.  It is written to them, but entirely for our benefit.

Under the layers of jealousy or greed or regret or guilt or anger, or the hundred other emotions swept onto these pages is an underlying theme that we choose how we live. We do not choose our circumstances or the hand we're dealt - and as you read letter pile up on letter, you realize that, no matter how wildly different our lives come out, everyone has problems, everyone has difficult choices to make. Although the details of our individual lives couldn't be more different, the themes are shockingly similar. 

I'm convinced that each reader will take something different away from this book. Me? This: We do not choose some of the detours or roadblocks or  forks in the road, but we choose how we proceed. We choose how much compassion and patience we bring to the most difficult circumstances. It isn't meant to be easy, but it can be done. Most importantly, we choose how we work forgiveness - of others and of ourselves - into the narrative of our lives. 

This book may, like me, make you tear up in public - repeatedly. But it will be worth every tightening of the chest, every locked-away story or memory that comes up to visit you. Promise. 

Flight Response

Lately I've been talking with friends about people who suddenly announce they're up and moving.  I've always been slightly suspicious of it, perhaps because I did this once upon a time in an almost overnight move to San Francisco. I immediately identify this (project it?) as escapism, whether or not it is.

So what does it mean when today, on an absolutely gorgeous day in San Diego, I'm the one with the overwhelming urge to be anywhere else?  Last weekend I was up in LA, both for work and pleasure, and the time flew. Before I knew it I had been there for 3 full days and nights, had been all over town, had seen so many people and done so much. I just felt busy and happy. As I drove home, I was excited to return to my routine and the relaxed life I have created, but then I realized how quiet my life here is.  I was in LA for my 10 year reunion and I think the idea of having been in San Diego for a decade now struck me. I've never lived anywhere this long (except my childhood home); was it deliberate or just by chance?

Sometimes I wonder if I got to San Diego too early. It's an incredible city and absolutely the one I want to spend my later years in. But was showing up here in my 20s right for me? Do I want to be here forever, nonstop? Am I never going to live in a huge metropolitan city again? I guess if you think about anything like that it's overwhelming.

My 10 year personal retrospective is further pressed by the fact that it seems like more and more people are moving away, something I have a hard time with for a number of reasons (see why I hate goodbyes), and meanwhile, others get married and develop universes of their own, which in some ways is a moving-on.  My mom always told me to hurry up and get married because "Your friends are all around you and going out all the time so you don't notice right now - but they won't always be around" and I thought she had it all wrong. Unfathomable! But as I spent a quiet afternoon at a cafe with my thoughts today, I wonder if maybe she's right. Now, I don't think marriage is a solution to very much in this life, it's more of a parallel adventure, but I guess when someone is annoying you and not doing his laundry or fighting over bills, at least you're occupied. It's never been my style to be in a relationship just to be in one, so unfortunately that strategy won't work, but I'm surprised at how right she was that no matter how close you are with people, they are going to spin off into their own lives eventually. Nothing can be forever.

Despite my vague threats, I don't think I'll get up and move anywhere, at least not without a bigger reason, because after my SF experience I realized that ultimately your boredom, thoughts, feelings - they all go with you. A place can only entertain you for so long; your reality is right there in the suitcase or moving boxes with you. You can't move because you think there will be more people to entertain you - you have to be the entertaining one, or, as my mom says "Only boring people get bored."  I shudder to think of becoming boring.

My brother always says [apparently my family gives a lot of advice] to pick a city you'd like even if you didn't know anyone there, and I think that's why San Diego has been home to me for so long - it's that city for me.  It's a city that I love more and more with each passing year, with every hike I take or new restaurant I discover.  But I guess I've been so busy setting up my new company and being involved in 1001 other things that when I stopped for a moment to just relax, I wished there were more people around to do that with, who get it.

In other news, when this happens I usually just take on another crazy endeavor to entertain myself, and the feeling passes. Might be time to revisit the bucket list.

What Drives Me.

This weekend I went to the AIGA Y Conference in San Diego. I didn't go because I'm an artist (which, as anyone who has seen me play Draw Something can affirm, I most certainly am not). I didn't even go because I know an artist. I went because I think it's important to try something different on for size, and I was curious to see what I'd learn.

"Art is the only subject you see from the moment you wake up til you go to sleep." - Nancy Rouemy

The verdict was favorable: If you have the opportunity to check one out, I would. Y Conference, in its 17th year, involves inspiring talks from the most interesting group of people - a mix of artists, designers, and entrepreneurs who each bring something different to the conversation.  You run the risk of developing delusions that you, too, could put hundreds of hours into artwork and produce something palatable. You will leave overflowing with ideas and inspiration, no matter your field.

Personally, I went in to Y Conference not recognizing a single name on the roster (this is incomprehensible to my artistic friends, but hey, I never asked you to name our Supreme Court justices).  Although I had walked in a blank slate, I left with a notebook full of ideas, quotes, and impressions.  When I got in my car for the final time, I was converted into a huge admirer of Karim Rachid's work and philosophies, and a fan of both Andrea Dezsö's artistic range and sense of humor.  I was in awe of Eben Bayer's ability to remind us that the most complex technology, the kind we don't even think could exist, was created by Mother Nature long ago (check out cuttlefish, then check out his company Ecovative Design).  And impressed by both Andrew Byrom and Nancy Rouemy's abilities to bring the challenges of their artistic endeavors to a level that the common village idiot (here: me) could understand, among many others.

                                             "Art is time made visible." - Andrea Dezsö

Attend one of these conferences and you'll leave with a better understanding of the intense work artists and designers put into the world around you.  It draws your attention, for 48 steady hours, to the thoughtful way people around us approach not just artwork but product design, products you put your hands on every day without thinking twice, so that you won't think twice. It really is astounding.  Let me go ahead and make a sweeping statement here: it changed the way I see everything.

"Everything you look at has art -- or lack of art -- in it." -- from Nancy Rouemy's talk 

The theme of the conference was What Drives You? To start with: my sister's Toyota. At 7 in the morning. That's what drove me there, anyhow. But as each speaker got on stage to discuss what drove them, I began to wonder what drives me in life, as opposed to up the 5N. So here's the list, or what I think is the list, Dr. Freud:

Affection. Wanting people around me to be happy. Wanting to show love. Wanting to share all this love in me with other people.
The Written Word. The sound, rules, and playfulness of language.
Understanding. Understanding concepts, understanding people. Feeling understood.
Happiness. As physically expressed. I will do almost anything for a smile.
Optimism. Sometimes relentless. Sometimes misplaced. But always there.
Approval. Appreciation. Sometimes separately, sometimes together. Just being honest.
Collaboration and connection. 
Growth. Not physical, gave up on that a long time ago! Here I mean growth as in learning something new, accomplishing something different. Rather than just poking around for exploration's sake. I'm not curious for curiosity's sake enough (other than up and going to a professional conference I have no business being at). Adventure. 

But what if, like most of the speakers, I just limited it to one? That's the tough part. Which one is really in the driver's seat?

What drives you?

     "The more you look, the more you can use what you see." - Nancy Rouemy