MY FIRST DAY AT BLOG SCHOOL...

There's a lot of pressure weighing down on these first few tappings of my fingers on the keys. There is pressure to say something coherent, intriguing, and witty. You know, just in case someone I know reads this and realizes something to crack my too cool veneer ;) "Oh, shit, wait, guys come over check this out -- Lilly is such a case! Read her blog! Her cover is SO blown!" I'm just gonna put that fear to the side for the minute.

What counts as making a difference?

Today I was having dinner with one of the authors I agent for and his wife. As I talked about all the plans I have for his book, I noticed him squeeze his wife's hand under the table. [Author mercifully omits extensive ponderances on the subjects of true love and lasting romance here.] Sitting there on the deck of the restaurant, floor heat lamp emblazoning my right leg, I heard his words come and go. How much we connect. How he's known I was down for the book since day one. How important my advice is to him. How much he looks forward to what may come. Scraaaaaaatch goes the record. Hold up now!.. The realization sunk in that he is totally honoring me by making me part of his dream. This man has been working his novel for years. I don't know if there's anything that defines trust more than him putting his pride and joy, his late nights, his best efforts, into my hands. Who am I to be trusted? Just because I smile and say the right things? It's powerful. It's also absolutely tempting to question yourself; to question how easily we trust people. Which gets me to thinking...maybe he's right. Maybe the problem is that we have taken trust to *too* conscious of a level. Maybe we think too much instead of just going with our gut feelings.

I watch Pele open one eye - his slumber on the dirty floor has been disturbed, and he jumps to his feet to growl at the door. He just knows that whoever is roaming the hall is bad news. I wonder if we all have that and are just unwilling to trust ourselves?

Trust is.