You're my Number One Best Friend.

I'm not sure when we outgrow this. The friend thing. I have at least one friend over the age of 30 who manages to keep his friends in line by suggesting ways they might please him and elevate themselves in his mind. At first it seemed absurd. However, when I found myself somewhat interested in his requirements (apple computer: yes, smiths fan: yes, republican: no), I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry myself back to junior high.

What I'm trying to figure out at this point is which is more appropriate. Childhood and adolescence lend themselves to uncensored communication with others, friend or foe. Few are the tweens who can separate themselves from someone they don't like and be quiet about why they did so. Thus cliques and whatnot. But as adults, all of a sudden this need to smooth things over comes along. If I hate your girlfriend, I will still hang out with her and make friendly overtures, because that is "the thing to do". And others will nod approvingly (ok, or raise an eyebrow if they heard what I had to say about her the night before). But for the most part, we put a premium on masking distaste or dissent about others. It's un-pc to not like people for a reason other than their being a mass murderer or, well, Republican.

When my friend asks me if her friend can come out with us, I cannot say no. Because without a reason (as listed above), it would be Unjustified. Or Immature. Or worse... Bitchy. You can't dislike someone just because. You can't dislike them based on the fact that you just simply don't affirmatively *like* them. But sometimes I think it would be easier that way. The grey area is too much for me to handle. Why should I spend dinner, or better yet, my full weekend, with someone I don't care for. Is that not a slower death than being with someone you despise? At least there's some fire there!

Come to think of it, I wasn't that blatant when I was younger, either. Except once. I told my mom I didn't like Elaina Schmolens (*not the subject's actual name. But it rhymes, for all you super-sleuths out there.) She asked me why. I didn't have a good enough reason. She was pretty and she was popular and she didn't hate me. In youthful society, you would think that'd be all she wrote, and we'd rush off hand in hand to buy a BFF necklace. But my mom thought I was being weird. And so mom kept nurturing this friendship. Elaina kept coming to my birthdays, grinning and gleaming and being tall (which was a cruel thing to do to my tiny self).

Then one day I went to her house. We were hanging out. The details are unremarkable. Something led her to tell me about the lax babysitter her parents had landed, who microwaved cookies for them. Woo hoo, livin' on the edge in the 'burbs. As we were touring the house and she was showing me the exact site where the babysitter then let them eat ON THE COUCH (you don't say!) she committed the inexplicable. Fully knowing I was *terrified* of dogs, she suddenly sicked her dog on me to "be funny." (She could have just armpit farted for all the tastefulness or wit in that joke.)

Then she called him away. Haha, oh, funny Dana. I mean, um, "Elaina".

Ok, so my point is that I think when we get a feeling about not liking something or someone, you should stick to it, because it will bite you in the ass (and if they have a dog, this could be prophetic and oh so literal). I realize that my little proclamation could throw our society into chaos. No more fake smiles? I'm not insisting that we take the gloves off, so to speak. But really, life is too short to hang out with people you don't care for. Unless "they" are me. Then do me a favor and pretend.