LIST OF REASONS WHY PRINCE IS KING

10. He invented the swagger.

9. He does the aforementioned swagger in spike heels.

8. And colorful suits. Did I mention that? He swaggers in his platform leather spike heels and suits in brilliant colors. Did you know "red in the back, white in the front" is a suit option? Neither did I. Ruffles optional.

7. No matter what the suit (bias cut to complement his fine figure, of course), his guitar will match.

6. He can scream out "Ain't nobody funk-ay like me!" and no one laughs.

5. He plays guitar like it's an extension of his body. And bass. And piano. And drums. And he sings falsetto like a choir boy who just got kicked in the hoo hoo.

4. He made a song about the Pope a dance hit.

3. He practically owns the color purple.

2. He makes you think twice about being a Jehovah's Witness. As in, actually consider it.

1. We came home from his concert and actually debated whether he is required to wipe his own ass. The vote was no.