EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN LAW SCHOOL

1. "DON'T ASK A WITNESS A QUESTION YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO".

I recognize that using legal analogies in my romantic life is a wretched slope to even begin to graze, much less slip down, but hey, it works. When you play it safe and according to the #1 rule of trial advocacy, there is no surprise, no embarassment, and you walk away with that amazing feeling that you know it all. This isn't to say that you shouldn't employ the various strategies of Discovery (to be explored in a later blog?), but that when it comes down to trial, know your shit. Oh, and wear a cute suit.

2. THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN FUNNY AND REALLY NOT FUNNY.

This line is most frequently violated by first-year law students eager to use their newfound knowledge-slash-vocabulary. Case in point: three students are walking down a hallway and there is a spilled drink on the floor before them. "Tort! Tort!" they cry in gleeful chorus = not funny

3. CRISIS BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER.

Ask any of the people I didn't like in elementary school, junior high, high school or college. Because they heard from me, in long-winded emails as I sat bored to tears in my Professional Responsibility class. Backed against a shitty corner (read: the corner of a lecture hall at UCLA), I found it in my heart to forgive those who annoyed, betrayed, or bored me. I connected with them. I know the intimate details of their careers, married lives, and psychoses. Now that I'm out of school, I have another problem on my hands, but hey, ends justify the means.

4. "THE ONLY THING WE KNOW IS THAT WE KNOW NOTHING AT ALL."

My grades attest to this. Heavily. Seriously, though, did I need to spend three years in a doctorate program only to find out that there *are* no clear answers and that every situation has its own application? Um, apparently. Thanks for the tuition, Dad! I have this one covered. My degree proves it.


5. DON'T EAT THE CHICKEN PIZZA.

Pretty self-explanatory, I think.