Royal Flush

sometimes life happens and you start to notice the little things- to appreciate them. for the past week (reporting live from san francisco, dear readers!), my friend helen and I have been awed by the power of water pressure. why, you ask? because our toilet broke at the apartment. today marks day four of the bathroom hostage crisis. we were victims of a recalled toilet. i know, baby cribs get recalled, battery parts get recalled, but not toilets!

for half a week, she and i have been surreptitiously dining at restaurants, not for the fine food and drink, but for the amenities they provide. i was actually caught eyeing the port-o-potties at the end of our high-end residential street. i mentioned it to her when she got home.

me: "i saw some port-o-potties at the end of the street when i was out running today."
her: "oh yeah, i know. i saw them already. but they're locked."
me: "nuh uh! they were unlocked!"
her: "oh good! but i'm embarassed to have my neighbors see me going on -- or coming out! -- of one."
me: "hm. good point."

this exchange was followed by such delightful emails as "the Four Seasons bathroom is ridiculous!" (me to her, monday morning). we brainstormed what to do, and thought about people she vaguely knew who lived in the area. she mentioned a guy she'd been on a date with and thought that we could stop by to say hello "hey! long time no see. oh, is that a bathroom back there?..." and of course, ever the plan-ahead lawyers, we established contingency plans should nature call in the middle of the night.

you start to notice the conveniences we take for granted. you don't notice those sorts of things until your toilet becomes a chamber pot. that same monday morning my friend i was breaking-fast (?) with mentioned that the only complaint she has about living downtown san francisco is that people poop on her doorstep.

her: "i mean! enough poop already!"
me: --silence ---
her: "you know! enough poop already!"
me: "mm hm"

i don't even mean it in a smartass way - but where are people SUPPOSED to go to the bathroom? i haven't frequented any doorsteps (at least, not of anyone i know...), but i have sympathy in a way i never did before. i know my brother went through something similar when we vacationed in Paris and he realized there were NO water fountains. what's up, public amenities? where have you gone? sf mayor gavin newsom is trying to bring free internet to the city. how about some potties, gav?

san francisco is pretty damn awesome. it's fun being in a city that reads and that cares. a city that knows the name of its mayor (even if its mayor has looks that better suit him to a southern california metropolis). i've been catching up with old friends and enjoying our swanky neighborhood and doing the work that's piled up over the past few weeks. i'm trying to make a list of things i want to do while up here. i already went to a bikram yoga class, which makes me a better person than you, dear reader. just kidding. i'm actually not a better person though because, despite the mind-centering it supposedly brings, i caught myself giving a pregnant lady the stink-eye after she raised her leg straight to the ceiling. i thought "haha, watch it now, that's how you GOT that way!"

things are just now slowing down enough that i can catch my breath. summer flew by. most of my friends agree that it feels like summer didn't even happen. i mean, my tan came from a bottle. i went to the ocean once. last week. at 1am. where's the summer in that?

Summer Realizations, by lilly:

1. work doesn't go anywhere. in fact, when you're not looking paperwork breeds. why are people studying mice when they can be studying the submissions on my desk?! papers will be there when you get back from whatever you'd rather do. 75 and sunny won't. okay, if you live in san diego it will, but you shouldn't be excluded from the fun just because you were smart enough to move there!

2. fake tanner works. what everyone says about the healthy glow lotion is true. however, if you're overgreedy with it, it will look like your feet are rusting.

3. crushes are often more fun than the actual thing. crushes in your late 20s are just as much fun, just as heart-stopping, as they were in high school. it's a surefire way to feel young again.

4. nip/tuck is a porny soap for guys. that said, it's very good and i'm definitely a fan.

5. toilets are your friend. embrace them. literally if need be.