If At First You Don't Succeed, You Were Probably Me This Morning.

Note to self: next time I take an exam, I should probably study for it.

A week back a friend called me and said that spur of the moment her colleague had walked in to take the Real Estate Salesperson exam. You who know me know that I will regularly pour over Dream Homes magazine and/or attend open houses for property I have no interest in buying, just because that's the type of weirdo I am. SO. He had taken the exam which encouraged her to sign up and take it which encouraged me (see the mob mentality?) to finally do it. I had said forever that I wanted to take it "just to have" (sound like my Bar exam, anyone?). So I signed up.

I wasn't going to study (if you're a lawyer you don't need courses, law school waives you out) but last week I put in an earnest few hours reviewing the material. And guess what? Last night, halfway through the evening, I picked up my study guide and looked at the cover. As if for the first time. And guess what I realized? I had been studying for the Real Estate APPRAISAL exam. Which on the one hand explained why it was so effing hard, but on the other hand, well, that just sucked. (Especially because at Starbucks I had held my ground studying while a deranged and possibly homeless man made repeated advances on me, writing things in the air to me. Yes, seriously.)

Then I realized that last night, the night before my test, was the eclipse that has been in the news for the last month. So Jessica and I set our alarms and got up to see it. It was beautiful. I hope I don't go blind from looking. That would suck. I probably should have found out if that was a concern, but when you're waking up at 2:45 to look at the sky, you aren't really thinking like that.

Anyway, the test sucked. From the moment they gave us the papers I felt like I was in elementary school ("fill in the circles completely, making a dark mark") Even the hard stuff I had studied, the archaic land description crap, wasn't on there. I couldn't even wing it with my below-average Property Law grade! It was just plain hard. So, doing a quick cost-benefit analysis, I cut my losses. I finished circling them circles and got my stuff and by 9:30 am I was headed straight for a celebratory bagel. As Jessica says, you miss 100% of the chances you don't take. Maybe next time I will aim for 'chances' that involve a later wake up call and a minimized nerd quotient.

How Much Vegas is Too Much Vegas?

You. Yeah, you. The person who actually CONSIDERED answering this question. BOOOOOO! You can NEVER get too much Vegas!

Sometimes a girl just needs to go where everybody knows her name. There is no feeling on earth like riding out the 15, heading off to Tropicana Blvd, and dropping your stuff in your home away from home. Granted, this time my "home" was Excalibur. Before you rag on me, please know that said trip was planned the night before, so it was about all we could find. Secondly, please know that I've gone so far as to stay at Circus Circus on a spur of the moment trip to Vegas. I have needs.

So we jump on the highway and drive out. We check into our hotel- "To the castle!" - and walk to our room. Jessica puts the key in and the door swings open--- oops. Clothes strewn everywhere, people in there, we shut the door.

Let's try that again. Wrong room. So we get into ours. I lead the pack. With a quick "it smells like a crime scene!" we had reached our nest in the City of Sin. I won't go into how there was blood on the bedspread or the cracked frame hanging lopsided on the wall. Oops, I did.


Cocktail waitress uniforms. While we were playing blackjack our waitress never came around, despite the addicition I had to their amazing bloody marys. Then I realized that if *I* were dressed like a court jester maybe I'd hide in the back too.

Gambling. In Vegas everyone is a winner. Even when you drink your losses in free drinks, you win!

Buffets. I became frenemies with the $3-all-you-can-drink-Mimosas. Aw yeah. Try that on for size.

Dancing dancing dancing and none of that "1:30, last call!" bullshit. Jessica had been talking about Brody Jenner while we were watching one or another (they all blur together for me) of the crappy OC-related-reality shows. We debated his hotness (she was pro, I was con). Of course, life being what it is, we ended up at his birthday party at PURE that night. By the way, she's right. Although after 3 shots of 151 I would have thought a pole was cute.

No clocks. anywhere. That's my style. The only clocks in Casa Lilly are on built-in electrical appliances. Clocks make me nervous. I don't need to know that I've spent 3 hours losing at the tables. The empty cups will remind me!

Peoplewatching. Seriously, where else will you see a girl with GUCCI tattood across the back of her neck? (Oh yeah, PB.)

I knew you wouldn't believe me!

I can't say enough about Vegas. And the sickest thing is that it brings me to happy memories of my CHILDHOOD! I know, most people remember Disneyland or their Grandmother's house. I remember the sweet freedom of being left in the room to jump on the bed and discover free adult channels. I remember prank calling. I remember being allowed to eat anything we wanted because we were at a buffet. I remember learning to shoot pool in the playroom of our hotel. I am probably the only person who sees "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas Nevada" and gets warm fuzzies.

Everytime I go, I only love it more. I came back down $100, 3 pairs of shoes and a cute purse. Any way you cut it, it's the usual: Vegas-1, Lilly-0.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

A Shout-Out From My Eyebrows

Just for you folks who didn't believe my eyebrow mishap. Exhibit A, attached.

I will update you on my recent impromptu trip to Vegas as soon as the 151 clears out of my system.
-The Management.

Hell is Other People

That's what my sister told me when I shared my latest adventure with her. I won't get into the specifics, but suffice it to say that today at lunch a lady told me she was sure the book The Scarlet Letter must resonate with middle eastern women, what with arranged marriage and adultery and all.

I know.

I have since quickly excused myself from the table and am here to blog for my public (all 3 of you). Susie had posted a funny questionnaire, so the Procrastination Station presents LILLY: THE QUESTIONNAIRE.

1. How old will you be in 3 years?
32 flavas of lilly

2. Do you think you'll be married by then?
hm. fun to think about. probably. i'm not into the long engagement thing. meet me in vegas.

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
am i a dork if i say getting back into yoga/getting back into shape/time off of crazy writers conferences? it's true!

see also: hot fall nights, a possible Stevie B concert (my second this summer), seeing 2 of my close friends get married to each other, cracking the recipe for the best Sangria

4. Who was the last person you talked to?
my sister Snoozer aka Susie who confirmed that she will name her firstborn Hester.

5. what do you think about the person that took this survey before you?
Suz is pretty freakin awesome. And hilarious.

6. Who was the last person to text you?
A film guy I met at this conference last year who ditched the conference this year. Bitter texting from me ensued.

7. Who was the last person you hugged?
No idea! I think one of my agent friends I hadn't seen in a year.

8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
As per last night's post, I was drinking copious amounts of water to offset my tasting of local Portland wines while checking my work email (before you make fun of me, please know that my inbox included a pitch email from the guy who sang "girl you know it's true" for Milli Vanilli).

9. Parents separated/divorced/married?

10. Last time you saw your dad?
On Monday night. He served me ice cream. Must visit more.

11. What happened at 11:00 a.m. today?
I looked at my conference schedule and realized i had a 2.5 hour break coming up. Therefore at 11am I was washed with a sense of relief and visions of chocolate.

12. How many states do you want to visit?
I guess all of them, just to say I did. Although I could skip the rest and just keep going to Vegas/Nevada. That's ok too.

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
On other people? Shoes, because there is no reason for me to see your feet if I'm not your podiatrist. Ick. On me? Shoes because they're cute and fun and they deserve to work their mileage.

15. Are you a social person?
Social I suppose

17. Favorite ice cream?
Chocolate. Chocolate with chocolate in it is even better. Honorable mention to cookies and cream.

18. What is your favorite dessert?
Peanut Butter Creme Brulee from Extraordinary Desserts in SD. I still think about it. Otherwise strawberries.

19. Whats your favorite song right now?
Umbrella ella ella eh eh eh. Or "Call on Me" by Eric Prydz, because who doesn't love a Steve Winwood dance remix?!

20. What kind of jelly do you like on your peanut butter sandwich?
Apparently Susie and I share genetic taste for seedless raspberry. I would like to share with our audience here that Susie ate only pb&j for years of her early life. Fun fact.

21. Do you like coffee?
I love the smell but I'm off the taste now.

22. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
A lot.

23. What do you drink in the morning?
Whiskey on the rocks. Kidding. Green tea.

24. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a lip ring?
Hm, not having much to go from, I'm going to say without.

25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I lie curled in a ball, left side of the bed. Unless I"m sleeping diagonal. Case in point: the beds at this Sheraton rock. I cover the whole thing, sleeping starfish style.

26. Do you know how to play poker?
I rock at video poker but have alternating luck in person. I can play if I pay attention, but that's a big "if". (see "Social")

28. Any plans for this week?
Soooo much work. That SHOULD be all I do, but it won't be. I'll be going out, partying on school nights. Traveling. Reuniting w/ old friends. Sweating off my writers conference, etc. I am the overscheduled child.

29. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Does ordering out count as eating at home? It should.

34. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
Hm. No. Should I be jealous?

35. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Ocean if it's warm. Pool if it's late at night.

36. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
Window. Better curl-up-ability and privacy to drool w/abandon.

37. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
Let's go with no.

38. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
books. books. books. health implements (running shoes, outfits, etc.) that make me feel as if I've worked out just by buying them. Cute shoes.

39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?.
I wear jewelry 24/7, but never the same.

40. Do you speak any other language?
french, spanish, persian, a touch of Italian and a touch of Turkish. I pride myself on being able to say "I can't speak XXX" in said languages.

41. Can you roll your tongue?

42. Who is the funniest person you know?
All 4 members of my immediate family. And wanda sykes. I don't know her, but I should.

43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No. Glad to know the person who wrote this survey clearly does though.

44. Are you in a relationship?
No. Although there was a fade-out about 5 years ago, so maybe that's still on?

45. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Nope. I lost my "I love my dentist, she's my mommy" shirt and remain embittered that Susie has hers.

46. What is the color of your bedroom wall?
beigy. (technical artistic term)

47. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?
sometimes although last night i forgot to, thanks for rubbing it in.

48. Are you crushing on someone right now?

49. Do you have any tattoos, or piercings?
yup. various ear piercings and a belly ring from a particularly rebellious day when I was theoretically too old for said jewelry. tonight after the writers conference i'm getting my last name tattood on my butt.

Sittin' Up In My Room

I have come to the realization that I"m just not going to have really important things to say every time I want to post to my blog. Quite liberating really. I'm in Portland for a writers conference and I have visions of getting work done in my room when all I really want to do is flop back on this cushy hotel bed.

So the sorry, sorry realization of the week is that I ain't as young as I used to be.

Then: Drink frat-party-provided lemon drops of dubious quality
Now: Drink two glasses of wine before beginning to alternate water/wine/water/wine

Then: Able to stay up late and party til sunrise
Now: Able to stay up til about midnight, at which point I begin to think about the workout and/or productivity I might miss in the morning if I"m not careful.

Then: Three beers made a guy good looking
Now: Beer? Hello! Carbs!

Then: Come home and call high school friends going to college in other states
Now: Come home tipsy and check work email

That last one worries me most if we're going to be honest here. That's just sad. The thing is, I know I"m not the only one who does it because my friend just drunk emailed me from her work email too.

So today an author pitched me a book and in the conversation he asked me something interesting (or interesting after a few glasses of wine, just go with it). He asked me what my simple pleasures are. Before you get all smartass on me, please recognize that this time last year I was fending off the "date rape poetry" author, so this was a delightful move in the right direction for a writers conference!

In no order of preference, here are some of mine:

1) pouring myself a cup of hot tea or the smell of freshly brewed coffee. it's weird, even when i don't want to drink coffee, that smell just invigorates me. That walk from the stove to my desk or the couch is what I'm after, more than the drink.
2) a bubble bath on a weeknight or a lazy saturday. mmm. saturday night with bubbles and magazines
3) back in the day but one of my favorites -- curling up with Pele on the floor, just listening to silence and being glad I had such a coolio dog (rest in peace, little guy)
4) driving by WindnSea on my way to my parents' house, just because i love that view so much
5) sifting through my tape crate and seeing my life fly by
6) gossiping (sp?) with my parents after a persian dinner party
7) putting the top down on my car
8) looking at the shelves in a bookstore

I'm not really sure where the line is between "simple" pleasures and complicated pleasures. But those are a few of my favorite things (oh, supress your eye roll, dear reader!)

So yeah, it's like the last few weeks of summer. I'm gonna become a pleasureseeker. Stay tuned and feel free to let me crib from your notes.