Gone Fishing

Last night, after grabbing drinks with my friend and eating a bite, I figured I'd stop by home and visit my parents. I opened the door to them in the traditional layout: Mom lying on the couch to my right, Dad sitting up at a perfect 90 degree angle (yoga teachers everywhere rejoice!), eating peanuts from a jar. They were watching a Lifetime movie.

When I was done laughing I sat down with them. We chit chatted about how disgusting I thought meat was, how ridiculous it was that they would actually watch Lifetime ("Is that the girl from Night Court?"), and how great it was to see me (ok, that last bit didn't happen, but it should have!). I started to get really hungry, having concentrated more on the 'drinking' part of my evening with my friend than the 'dining' part. So I went in to the kitchen to have toast and cream cheese (homage to my Dad, it being one of his four food groups. The other three are "salad", "hot dogs!!!!" and "ramen noodles". The exclamation points are his.) I hung around just chatting with my parents and noticed that my mom had been more quiet than usual. My dad and I were discussing which of his magazines I wanted to take off his hands (you really never can get enough of Fortune), what I thought of Fast Food Nation, and what a mess was going to happen between the US and Turkey. Now, don't get me wrong, my mom can hang with the best of them in chit chat, but there was clearly something on her mind.

She circled around me, preparing tea.

Unable to contain herself anymore, she burst out "So, what happened? Last time you were talking to three or four guys! What's going on?" I smiled (because toast and cream cheese is really underrated) and told her the truth. When it rains, it pours. Right now I am experiencing. I responded. "Nothing."

"NOTHING?!"

"Nothing!"

"NOTHING???!!!"

"Nothing." (Another smile, but this time I admittedly might have just been doing it to be irritating)

"You are a...."

"a................."

"TACKLE FISHER!"

I know. I know. I had no idea what that meant either. But it was apparently the perfect word for me. She explained "You fish, you catch, you THROW THEM BACK!" This was delivered in a tone of even parts humor and dismay. Starving people don't throw away food, ya know? We didn't really get into it (well, partly because there was nothing to talk about and partly because it's more flattering to have your mom think you are the one turning men away in hordes than to tell her the simple truth that some things just fade. And some guys don't call!)

Well, at least there's a word for me now. It may not be a real word, but hey, how many people have words made up just for them? Tacklefisher. It's got a nice ring to it. And it sounds better than spinster any day.