Don't Forget to Brush!

I'd like to poll the audience.

Lately a few of my friends have dealt with situations where they were hanging out/crashing somewhere with someone they were romantically linked to, and that person offered a toothbrush. Seems sweet, right? "Oh, you have a spare!" Perfect. But, as it turned out, said lover was offering them THEIR toothbrush.

I really think this is something Gallup needs to poll Americans on, because what has blown my mind- more than the fact that this has happened ONCE to someone- is that it appears to be widespread!

It's true.

As soon as I heard about this phenomenon, I had to ask some other people. One to pad my jury, I quickly summoned my friends in the sciences. I mean, if nothing else, DOCTORS would think it was stank to do, right?

Not right.

One of the girls (who, granted, is not yet a doctor, but is working at a hospital) said that she and her boyfriend share toothbrushes so much that when she goes to visit him for a weekend she doesn't even bring her own toothbrush. Gag me with a Sonicare. Seriously people?!

What surprised me even more than this disappointing poll was the fact that my respondees seemed dismayed that I"m NOT a toothbrush sharer! Like I was the gross one! People, I am a dentist's daughter. It pains me not to brush the old pearly whites, but if it's a question of borrowing your toothbrush after you've played Pad Thai Symphony on it, it's a hell to the no. A no-brainer.

These same respondents tried to convince me (and my equally disgusted compatriots) that if you've kissed someone, it's the same thing. Um, no it isn't. Don't make me insert a toilet paper analogy here.

Here are my thoughts, in case you haven't guessed them: Sharing a toothbrush is grody. Would you share floss? No! How much cleaner are your teeth really getting? That's right, they're not! The brushee is just methodologically applying the plaque of their beloved to their own teeth. Ew. That makes me want to vomit.

It's well known that if you don't have your toothbrush then you're supposed to FINGER brush, duh! Or you rinse multiple times with Listerine. Do what you need to do, but no share-y-share-y. It's like sharing underoos, and you don't do that with your boyfriend... do you? As a wise friend pointed out this week, "let's say you're camping, like really really stuck. Just brush with bark! Wintergreen bristles! That's how they used to do it!"

I believe popular media backs me up on this (although, given the overwhelming responses pro-sharing, we could see this change. Saatchi & Saatchi beware!) I mean, HOW many toothpaste/mouthwash commercials have you seen? The couples banter as they brush and get ready. You don't see her brush and then rinse it off and hand it to him. Not a once.

We live in a first world nation. Act like it.

People, friends, colleagues, enemies -- I have come to realize that I am in the minority who find this a disturbing trend. I have to ask that even if you DO this, you and your little partner in crime need to decide here and now not to IPO (make public) that shit. Because even if you do it, I don't want to hear about it. Not even if I ask. I don't want to hear about what goes on in your bedroom and I don't want to hear what goes on in your bathroom either.

Dear marketing folks: I am available as a spokesperson for the "One Person, One Toothbrush" campaign. Crest? Colgate? Mentadent? I'm not picky.

-- The Dentist's Daughter Has Spoken.


DEDICATION: To my roomie4eva, Az, my faithful reader who even places threatening phonecalls when I don't post frequently enough.

Said dedication is revokable upon proof of toothbrush-sharing, naturally. -L