Can You Play That Track Back for Me Again?

Tonight reaffirmed that you're only as old as your mental age. And mine is 6.

I was sitting in Managerial Economics. Not a funny class *per se*. My prof was using an interesting example of Major League Baseball salaries to explain marginal analysis. I'll spare you the specifics, but suffice it to say that the first player was Albert Pujols. ("Poo-holes") I know. I could barely contain myself. It seems unjust that you could get named both Albert and Poo-holes. I'm surprised he didn't end up being a cage fighter instead.

And yes, I totally blogged about this back in Nov 2004 when I was depressed about the election and needed something to make me smile. Apparently this piece of trivia has a 3.25 year shelf life!

Late Registration

Me and Kanye, we have one thing in common. Late registration.

Yup, I'm back in school. I'm working on my MBA, because apparently it is my quest to become overeducated in this lifetime of mine. I'm trying to wash the taste of law school out of my mouth and to do something that will work my mind in new ways. I know, dumb dumb dumb.

It blows my mind that in between drinking binges (I was a sorority girl, after all) I managed to apply to graduate school the first time around. Doing this *one* application here drove me up the wall. How did we do it back then? Was it just because everyone else was doing it? Was I (am I?) *so* desperate to avoid the real world? (Don't answer that)

Being back in school is, for lack of a more descriptive term, weird. Nothing like walking campus and checking people out to make you feel like a total perv when you realize they are going to be class of 09 or '10 or '11. Ew. I shudder to think.

How did we get through college? As a grown adult I find myself overwhelmed with the registration process. Get your parking pass here, get your books there, return your books, buy other books at another store, find your class, find people to socialize with so you don't feel like a loser, stay on top of your "homework", try to find a synonym for homework and fail, keep saying "homework" hoping it will sound less awful (it never does). Don't even get me started on my Statistics class. I had to switch out of my economics class because it was entirely calculus-based. The last time I did calculus, there was no Puff Daddy yet. The last time I did calculus, you could still peg your jeans. The last time I did calculus you could still buy tapes. At Sam Goody.

Oh, and apparently in the last eight years since I graduated college, everything went online. You have to go online to get your assignments, to get lecture notes (everything is in freaking powerpoint, etc.) I mean, back in my day they were still using CHALKBOARDS! I feel like freakin Lilly Van Winkle (And yes, writers of the world, I am still working. Full time. My latent overachiever gene is going to be the death of me.)

I'm trying to keep my cool by doing excessive amounts of yoga. Which would be fine except my teacher took issue with my wearing longer loose pants today. Because when I'm doing bow pulling pose I really need Joan Rivers up on the block telling me off. Um, buddy, TRUST ME on this, you do NOT want to see me in the spandex short shorts that your studio sells. I mean, maybe eventually, but let's just revisit the issue in, I dunno, 2018, when it might be more appropriate. I don't wear shorts on the regular, so WHY would I wear them in a class where I'm reflected on 3 sides by mirrors? If I want that sort of torture I'll just bring a space heater with me and hang out in a Loehmann's dressing room, thank you very much.

What else is going on in my life? Well, I'll give you the short list of what school has made me realize about myself so far:

1) I like to sit in the back of the room. Part of this is because I'm an observer. There's a certain irony to it, generally speaking, given that I'm short and should probably be front and center. But it allows for maximum doodleage. Due to my seating position, during law school I was able to read books like "The Ground Beneath Her Feet" by Salman Rushdie (it's huge. a doorstop!), Anna Karenina (well, half, but that's like 2 normal books!), The Portrait of Dorian Gray, etc. Basically I take multitasking with me into the classroom.

2) I can't sit still for 4 hours straight (and yes, we're asked to). Nor am I mature enough to sit on a swinging/turning chair and not, well, swing, the entire lecture long.

3) I have a drinking problem. Of the caffeine variety. I just like to have something in my hand and a beverage while I listen. I do not know the root of this. What I do know is that I will be actually spending 2x the stated tuition due to aformentioned Starbucks intake.

4) I get shy on campus! What's THAT about? I keep telling people I have a shy side and no one believes me, but you would if you saw me on campus. Head down, quiet, go about my business, go home.

5) I still have the tic of writing a loooong to-do list during lecture. Today's list was only about 12 items, but a law school friend remarked (unprovoked) that she once saw my list go into the 40s. We have time.

6) I am apparently the same hormonal girl I was at 18. I look around and try to figure out who is cute. And, just like in college, as the days pass, people you wouldn't normally think are attractive become so. It's the LOST effect. Otherwise, who would have hooked up with Saeed or Hurley? Exactly. Personality comes into play. Sometimes I think they should just put single guys and girls in a biodome (yes, that is totally written with direct props to Pauly Shore) and we'd probably all end up liking each other and you could just be rid of us.

What else do you need to know about me right now? I guess just that I can't believe how quickly January is going by. I haven't written out my New Year's Resolutions yet, like not the official "final cut". I keep putting it off, and I can't decide if *that* is the new facet of my personality (chilling out?)

I have noticed that I'm amassing more and more guy friends. While I used to be friends with men just because they're fun, simple friends to have, tonight I realized that this is increasingly due to my wedding duties. The girls are dwindling in numbers (singles-wise), so I need boys to accompany me through their rites of passage (their walk down the aisle, my walk to the open bar). I don't think I ever thought I'd be where I am at 30, but I love it. It's weird, uncharted territory. A while back I found an old report I had written for school where I guessed I'd be married by 24, have kids by 26 and be a judge. I know, keep reading when you're done laughing. All it needed to say was that I was a Republican and I'd have proof positive that my dad wrote it!

In other news, I am reading BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY. It is thrilling me for two reasons. One is that I've always wondered whether you put apostrophe-s after a name that ends with S. I have my answer now and can move on with my life. Secondly, this book was written for me (see "uncharted/unexpected lifestyle", above). I didn't realize my comeraderie with Bridget back when I read it x years ago, because I wasn't yet a fully-grown neurotic woman. I mean, I love me some heavy literary fiction as much as the next underpaid literary agent, but talk about a book that resonates. Hurrah!

Now that I have ripened into the reader demographic I needed to be, I can settle down with the book in oversized sweats, nod my towel-wrapped head, chocolate marks on my lips, and a big martini glass of optimism in hand. As she would say, "V good."

This Rocket is Dedicated to You

Happy New Year!

Background Noise: The sound of the documentary "Why We Fight". At the moment, an angry dad is trying to get his (slain) son's name put on military equipment being used in Iraq, ideally a rocket.

Despite the gravity of the documentary, I decided I can't put off blogging a moment more. 2008 is already escaping me!

First, let's recap 2007. Think of it this way: this year I didn't send out holiday cards (the artist formerly known as Christmas cards). And since I'm single, none of you received a color-xeroxed letter from me about the highs and lows of my child's year and my husband's stellar career. So let me put them here (at least the things I can remember).

a newsletter.
by me.

*Low Points*
Pele. I still miss him. Deeply. It's a big low point, and perhaps so distracting that I can't even think of more.

Stressing out about turning 30. Feeling like I had to have it all in order- the career, the love life, the future goals and aspirations.

*High Points*
Making friends with Toby, my parents' new dog. Now he cries when my special ring comes on at my parents' house. If he had a special ring, or if he could make phone calls, I would feel the same.

Not sending out a holiday newsletter or strange holiday photo of my family sitting in a pose you'd never find us in, namely matching outfits.

Following through on all of my resolutions (ok, most of them- there were a lot!) Everything from making a triumphant and devoted return to my yoga practice to learning to drinking less pop, etc.

Learning to cook (another resolution!) and loving my new hobby.

Going to Turkey, somewhere I've always wanted to see.

Going to one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to in my life (atop the highest point on Santorini island in Greece).
Going to a few different weddings where I could just genuinely be happy for the love other people have in their lives.

Getting caught up on film history (another resolution). Finally seeing Citizen Kane! (and yes, I loved it. And is it me or was Orson Wells kinda hot?) Other favorites: PARIS, JE T'AIME, the 7up series, Bad Education (by Almodovar), Fidel (by Estela Bravo).

Reacquainting myself with television. LOST brings the masses together!

Reading as many books as I could. Less than previous years, but books that stayed with me for a long time and are on my favorite books ever list, namely ON BEAUTY by Zadie Smith, EAT PRAY LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert, SPECIAL TOPICS IN CALAMITY PHYSICS by Marisha Pessl, ENCYCLOPEDIA OF AN ORDINARY LIFE, and WHAT IS THE WHAT by Dave Eggers. This year I got to share my love of reading much more with people, especially Susie (who has reclaimed her position as the only person who deserves frequent flier miles from the library).

Getting the surprise of my life in the form of a 30th birthday party. I did a kegstand held up by the other 4 members of my family and I got pushed in the pool. I loved it so much that I didn't even mind the bronchitis that trailed for a month thereafter.

Applying to business school for an MBA completely last minute and impulsively (read: 2 weeks before the deadline), being sure it as too late to have a good application, getting in.

Met some awesome new people who have become close friends or just people who restored my faith in humanity. They don't read my blog (that I know of), so no need to flatter them here ;)

Getting that butterfly tattoo I wanted!

Impromptu trip to Vegas. As in "can we go tomorrow?" One of the most fun weekends I've had in Las Vegas.

All in all, it was a good year. Crazy optimist that I am, I'm looking forward to 2008. I would put my resolutions here, but then you'll make fun of me! Anyway, there's nothing juicy. Stuff like trying to walk errands if I can avoid driving, becoming a better listener (don't try and use that against me; it won't work), giving back to the community much more, etc.

So, back to my movie: why DO we fight? Maybe in 2008 it will stop. (Like I said, always an optimist.)

And for the record, the butterfly tattoo was a joke. I can't believe you bought that! Go directly to Pacific Beach, do not pass go, do not collect $200.