Are brunettes making a comeback?
I sure as hell hope so. Because I have been waiting for this whole curves thing to be in, and it hasn’t happened for me quite yet.
Brace yourselves; Twitter actually made me think.
The other night my friend posted on Twitter that she was tired of short smart brunettes being portrayed as clever but not desirable in movies. HA! I laughed. Then I laughed again. Then I stopped laughing.
FROM THE DESK OF A MOSTLY-BRUNETTE
This is a topic that interests me mostly because I am arguably a smart brunette (the brunette is not arguable). I love being a brunette and it's something I've only changed on very rare occasions. Three, to be specific:
1: When I came home from college my first semester. My mom randomly suggested lightening my hair over Thanksgiving break while I was home. I now realize it was to distract from what was going on everywhere south of my head, ie. I had become a total porker. Good lookin' out Mom.
2: Blonde highlights. There is a reason people with black hair do not get blonde highlights, and now I understand why. The hairdresser and I argued over my natural hair color and as a result he gave me blonde highlights that were in fact white. They were complemented by really long violet acrylic nails. This was not a high point in my physical appearance history.
3: Red stripes, circa 2000. I wanted to get some rebellion out of my system and had my hair dyed with stripes of magenta when I lived in Argentina. The fact that my rebellious phase came during and after law school is another story for another day.
The short, smart brunette has been the bane of my existence ever since I realized I’m a dead ringer (or so I’m told) for Janeane Garofalo. Which would be fine, except shortly after realizing that, she starred in a movie about how short, smart brunettes are sooooo unattractive to men that they pretend to be gorgeous tall blonds (Uma Thurman) in order to not ruin a good thing. The smart brunette is the girl the dream guy talks to about his conquests, not the target of affection herself. Hollywood being what it is, they gave us the ending where the guy picks the little sarcastic brunette over the tall model (literally) blonde, but who actually SAW that movie? Exactly. And where is Janeane now? Exactly. No one believes it.
EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE
As Jon Yang helped me identify, men DO like brunettes… in indie movies. You know, the ones most of America doesn’t want to see. Brunettes like Mila Kunis or Natalie Portman (ideally together. In a sex scene.) But he didn't seem to think brunettes were as shunned as I thought they were.
MISS CLAIROL
Last year I actually wrote down my bucket list. One thing on there was to try going blonde, just to see what it was all about. But it’s way harder to go to blonde from brunette than the reverse.
Going brunette has become de rigeur, and all over San Diego you can find beautiful women with light green and blue eyes and pitch black hair or brown hair. Going dark is something people try on. Everyone does it for a little while, then they go back to blonde, especially in Hollywood, as I am reminded every time I refresh my US Magazine homepage (which is done often, I assure you). Going dark is something pretty blondes try on the way celebrities try on fat suits or being ugly to try and win an Oscar.
The hair dying trend is so rampant that once I walked into my parents’ kitchen and my dad stopped in his tracks. The conversation went like this:
Dad: “What happened to your hair? Why is it so DARK?”
Me: “Um… because you’re my dad?... And I was born that way?”
I’ve had hairstylists accuse me of dying my naturally black hair black. Which now I’m actually going to have to do. Because finally nature has decided to honor my wish to become blonde... by giving me greys. Ha ha mother nature, haha. Very cute.
BORROW THIS
The short smart brunette plays the lead in the movie Something Borrowed. And maybe I get what I deserve by even seeing a movie based on chick lit. Fine. But [warning --spoilers!] in it, said short brunette lives out every girl’s fantasy by not only getting the guy but winning the guy from her blonde friend. But she can only win him over after overcoming her bad self esteem.
Hey world, you know WHY she had bad self esteem? Because little brunettes know their place in society. Ginnifer Goodwin > Kate Hudson?! Short witty brunettes around the world were stunned.
What? Didn’t hear about the movie?
My point exactly.
Now, I have lots of guy friends who say they prefer brunettes. But do they really prefer brunettes, or do they just go for the girls they think they can get? Or if they like the brunette, would they like them a little bit more if their hair was a liiiiittle bit lighter? I'm just saying.
I’ve dreamt of going to other countries, Nordic countries where I would walk off the plane and be greeted by a sea of adoring blondes who would touch my hair and ooh and ahh (or whatever the Swedish equivalent is) over me. Perhaps they would crown me (my dream, I choose what happens). But I have recently been assured by a friend from the region that those countries actually find brunettes even less attractive than over here. And that, my friends, is what we call a reality check.
The good news is that there seems to be a rallying cry, at least from the ethnic corner. A shout out to the Kardashian coven. Oh wait. I said SMART little brunettes.
For the avoidance of doubt, any woman who says she’d rather be considered smart than hot is lying to you. And I’ll put $ on it she’s a short brunette who has spent years teaching herself to spit out that answer.
I know I have.
I know, I know, the short brunettes around me are steaming out their cute little ears. This post is one big betrayal of the sisterhood. Just callin' it how I see it folks. I’m not saying I don’t want to be a brunette, but if you want me to say it’s easy street, I’m gonna say you’re having a blonde moment.
So I asked (out loud)…is the plight of the brunette coming to an end?
Guy friend 1: “I think it’s…”
Guy friend 2: “Yeah uh- I don’t think so.”
Exactly.
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