Things My Dad Was Right About: A List

In honor of Father's Day, I'm going to acknowledge things my dad was right about and post them here. I won't tell him to his face because that would just be too much to bear. The grin, the knowing look, the focused gaze when he gives a future piece of advice, remembering that once upon a time I admitted weakness. But my dad is freaking awesome, as anyone who knows him will say. This apparently includes the man at the convenience store in the town where we grew up, who tracked me down on Facebook just to ask me how Dad is and to say hello for him. This man has passed much knowledge to his kids (and anyone in earshot) over the past years, and I figured I'd capture some of it and share it.  

Things My Dad Was Right About 

1. Buy your car in silver or gold colors. It shows dirt much less and you won't have to get as many car washes.

2. Always be organized and clean. People will respect you more.

3. Never bet "max" on the slot machine when all the lines are empty. Nothing good will come up on the next spin.

4. Save money. It doesn't grow on trees. Don't waste it. You'll be sorry.

5. If you buy an article of clothing you love and it's a reasonable deal, purchase it in multiples and save them. When you wear the one you love so much out, you'll have a backup and by then it may be out of production.

6. Pay your credit card bill balance completely, every single time.

7. If you couldn't buy it with cash, you probably shouldn't be buying it.

8. Always carry cash.

9. The main food groups are soup, salad, coffee and ice cream. Everything else is just because you people made me eat it. Ok, that last sentence is paraphrased, but I'm 100% confident he would gladly claim it as his own.

10. Carry mints.

11. The power of the nap.

12. Get educated.

13. Don't say bad things about people.

14. There is no shortcut. The only way you can successfully trade on the stock market long term is by fully understanding and studying the companies you invest in.

15. When you buy something, ask yourself "Do I NEED this?" Ideally ask it to yourself as if your dad is standing in the aisle of Target with you, questioning you before allowing you to make the purchase.

16. McDonald's coffee is excellent.

17. Don't subscribe to more than 2 magazines. Be honest with yourself, you don't read them.

18. Weigh yourself constantly and if you see something you don't like, act immediately. (He's been the same weight or less my entire life)

19. You throw too much stuff out. Think carefully about how you can repurpose every scrap of cardboard, every container.

20. Cell phones are bad for you. You don't really need one as much as you think you do.

21. Make sure you have chemistry with the person you're with. It's important.


There's a lot more, but I guess the edge on having him as my pops means I don't have to share it all in one swoop.  Grateful for him, and grateful to mom for choosing him! I'm sure I'll write a similar post on her one of these days too. For now, signing off with Happy Father's Day wishes to any of you out there who are celebrating with your families. Thanks to all the dads raising the future generation- they give us hope!

Confessions of a Juice Detox Quitter

Before I start, and as an advisory note to my blog's drive-by haters, let me define "quitting" - it happened 2.5 days into my 3 day detox, in my defense. And, as you'll read below, it's not because I'm a wuss.

Last year, a friend of mine highly recommended the Ritual Reset cleanse by Ritual Wellness in Orange County. I filed it in the back of my mind. Juice cleanse? That was some heavy stuff, not my style. Give up food? I think not.

Fast forward a few months, and my bff asked me if I'd do a juice cleanse with her. Given that we run races together every month and have done numerous insane physical endeavors together, I figured if I was ever going to take it on, the time was here. So we signed up for Ritual's Seasonal Cleanse and got ready for - well, we didn't know what. 

Confessions of a bad pre-cleanser

The Week and Night Before

Things not to eat before you cleanse? Jack in the Box. I was on the run, and tried to get a healthy food item (a chicken pita). Ok, and fries. But after a few fries, I threw them away! In any case, that's probably not the drive thru you should be hitting 24 hours before going into juice-only mode. Learn from my mistakes. Did I mention that I met up with a visiting Jon Yang at Extraordinary Desserts? Had berries with lemon curd and decaf coffee. I'd been warned that ditching caffeine is the hardest part of detox, so I figured I'd work ahead - I started tapering down a few weeks before and thought I'd be close to ready to go.  Jon actually took a picture of me eating that night, but I'm not posting it here because I look stoned. Which is apparently how I look if I'm not powered by coffee

Detox Juice Cleanse Day #1

Our Ritual Cleanse arrives!

Ritual offers to have your juices couriered to you between 12-6am the morning of your cleanse. In my idiotic decaffeinated stupor, I had messed up the address (uh oh, it was already happening...), but Byron called J and made the delivery. When J & I returned from spin class that morning (oh yeah, we were ambitious that first day) our cooler bags of juices were there. All 18 of them plus 2 juices in case we decided to work out during the cleanse (we wouldn't).

We broke open juice 1 of the Reset Cleanse, an organic mix of kale and other green loveliness.  And I went off to work!  I was feeling good and clean and knew I was doing something great for my body.  Ready to do it!

By lunch I was feeling a little foggy/slow, which surprised me since I don't usually eat a big breakfast.  Lunch included a meeting with some 

Lunch with the guys. Guess which one's me.

business colleagues. Two men whom I had warned ahead of time I wouldn't be joining in eating.  A photo of our lunch table. Not photographed: Mikel making fun of me all through lunch and offering me bites of his veggie burger. A frequent faster, he assured me it's par for the course.

I went back home and kept back at work. I was feeling slow and the headaches were setting in, but I kept reminding myself that that's how detox works. The worst part about day 1 was the headaches and fogginess. I just felt like a space cadet, and probably would have felt crazy if I didn't have a friend to compare symptoms to. By 7pm I was completely exhausted and started feeling rough. I figured sleeping early (yes, 9pm) was the way to go. I was ready to break into the last juice of the day, #6, which is a nut milk and rather filling. I sipped it in bed while my eyes drifted to sleep. Day one, done!

Day 2

It felt great to wake up and see the line of bottles on the counter. One day done, no biggie! I had this.  I was feeling lightheaded and I definitely had a headache, but I'd be ok. Exercise was definitely not happening, so I shelved the "Shred" supplement juices I had ordered when I was my old, optimistic self.  I began sipping juice one and got on with my day. At my first meeting, I realized that I was barely coherent and found it difficult to have conversations through the veil of my headache. I explained to the lady I was meeting with what was going on (girl to girl, you can do this stuff).  I hung in there as long as I could, but couldn't wait to go home and take a nap! (Yes, working from home has its benefits!)

one day down!

After a nap and some Advil, I felt MUCH better. In fact, I started to feel splashes of that euphoria people always say they have on a cleanse. I hadn't felt it once, but I started to feel very clear. I took advantage of it and sat at the computer, cranking out my first really good work in 2 days. I even started to admit to some other friends what I was doing. I had this in the bag. If this is what detoxing is, sign me up! I can get behind this!

By 10pm I started to wind down and the headache was coming back, but I was feeling capable and at least I'd had a glimpse of what people always rave about with cleanses. Only one day to go...

Two days, down!

Day 3: The Beginning of the End

I woke up with a raging headache and realized I'd had one most of the night. Had I even really slept? I moved myself to the couch with juice #1. I was almost done! I could do this. Bad toxins, begone!  I tried to drink some water. And next thing I knew, I was... throwing up. Violently.

Photo from a deathbed

I had heard different things about detoxes - that you'd spend quality time in the bathroom (maybe with some cleanses, but this one is based in food, so no), that you pee a lot (obviously), and that you'd have headaches.  But nowhere had I read that you'd throw up so violently that you'd consider going to urgent care.  I probably wouldn't have been surprised if I'd experienced it early on, but I'd felt pretty ok, so I got worried. But I wanted to be a trooper, so I went back to the fridge for Juice 2, a tasty pineapple juice, and next thing I knew, I was vomiting again. I scared the HELL out of the housekeeper, that's for sure. I moved myself to the couch (my place of refuge) and slept. After a few hours, the headache was only getting worse. I knew that my body needed electrolytes and something it could keep down. 

Barfing and feeling like crap...hm. This was starting to feel like a terrible hangover without the awesome stories or debauchery.  The following conversation ensued:

Me: "Lilly, why are you pushing yourself to continue this?"

Me: "I want to do this! I want to be healthy and learn better eating habits, and rid my body of toxins!"

Me: "Do you feel healthy right now?"

Me: "Um, no."

Me: "Did you learn what you wanted to learn?"

Me: "Yes."

Me: "Do you want to land in the urgent care explaining to a doctor that you overdid it on a juice cleanse? Do you want to be THAT girl?"

Me: (hangs head in shame) "No"

It was time to break up with my cleanse.

I knew my electrolytes were suffering, so I ate a few saltines and drank Pedialyte, and I passed out. I felt better, but not great. I had more saltines, so I could down a much-needed Advil. When I awoke, I was 90% old me. I could think straight, I felt optimistic about life!

Now, I'll admit, I'm drinking #4, a cayenne lemon water, as I type this. I learned a LOT in 2.5 days of doing detox, but it wasn't worth pushing myself through another 8 hours just to say I did.  I regret that my first "real" food had to be saltines, but I wasn't about to add the price of a doctor's visit to the price of my fancypants juice.

Afterword: 
I emailed with Ritual this evening and they responded very quickly-and compassionately. Because I felt better after having saltines, we were pretty sure it was a severe detox symptom and not anything to do with their juices. I've already recommended this particular juice fast to other friends. If you're going to do it, you should do a quality pressed juice like Ritual's. They send encouraging emails throughout the days of your cleanse plus their customer service is excellent. And, like I mentioned before, I was miraculously NEVER hungry throughout the time I did their detox. Now that I'm feeling a bit better, I may even drink the nut juice before bed. Done and done!

What Juice Detox Fasting Taught Me:

*Coffee is awesome. In moderation. When detoxing from it makes you feel hungover, cranky, and shaky, that's a hold you don't want any beverage to have over you, no matter how tasty it is. This detox really opened my eyes to how much I relied on coffee for energy, and, sadly, how much coffee is responsible for my energetic personality :(

*How much junk we pass as "food".  Compared to many people I'm a pretty darn healthy eater. But yesterday (day 2) I walked by a burger place, a place I would have normally loved, on the way to my car-and got nauseous. I was floored that it's one of my favorite foods. Remember, I was the person at Jack in the Box just two days before. I'm sure I'll eat one again, I mean I'm a realist, but it made me realize how desensitized we get to what we eat and how food like that definitely doesn't need to be part of a regular weekly rotation. 

*How sweet natural foods taste. By Day 2, J & I were talking about how sweet the pineapple juice tasted- too sweet! The amount of sugar in our daily meals (many times snuck into your food by restaurants, making it tasty) had desensitized us to real sweetness. 

*How much I eat when I probably don't need to.  Of all the symptoms I felt during the cleanse, surprisingly hunger wasn't one of them. It kills me to admit that every women's magazine ever is right, but I guess I eat when I'm thirsty... or pissed. Trust me, people annoyed me while I was on my cleanse (probably heightened by my decaf-ing), but I couldn't reach into the pantry and hush them with a snack.  It made me realize how often I do that, and how easy it is to let things slide off your shoulders when you are so foggy that you couldn't give them attention even if you wanted to.

*Take on your crazy health endeavors with a buddy. Having someone else texting you back that they really DO understand your misery makes a difference.

*Try everything once. I never thought I'd pull something like this off, definitely not for 2.5 days, and while I probably wouldn't do it again, I'm glad I did it once. As with detoxing on crappy food, same with taking caffeine out of the rotation. It just gives you a glimpse of the other side and what is/not working for you.

As a parting gift, enjoy this hilarious clip about juicing.

RIP my cleansing days 

(Persian) New Year's: Resolution Redux

(Borrowed from SF Bay Area Persians' FB page)

This time of year, I'm grateful for being bicultural (American and Iranian). While everyone else descends into the pit of self hatred and despair that naturally follows the ambitious and frankly hilarious resolutions of Jan 1, I join "my people" in ringing in Nowruz, or Persian New Year.  My people don't do resolutions, so by March (we celebrate the first day of spring), I am pleasantly reminded that any decision to do so or to keep going with mine is entirely voluntary.

First, a quick recap of what Persian New Year is (taken from my Facebook post, which people may have appreciated if only because it gave them respite from me talking about how my weather is better than yours and the merits of the Journey frontman documentary (Yes, those posts happened. Maybe more than once...)

For my American friends: Persian New Year falls on the moment it turns to spring (which is why your crazy Persian friends were all up at 4am posting at vernal equinox.) We celebrate by preparing (cleaning) the house, then gathering with loved ones to ring in the moment, standing in new clothes by a table decorated with traditional symbols of happiness, health and success. Then we eat. A lot. The world's baklava consumption spikes on this day courtesy of us. The next 2 weeks are spent visiting as many people as we can, to greet the new year with them.

This holiday is the biggie for us - it's celebrated by everyone, regardless of religion - and it's a reminder of fresh starts and all the good to come. That's worth celebrating, don't you think? Happy New Year! (Norooz)

Persian New Year this year came at, oh 4:02 am. My family was feeling highly superstitious and sensitive after the recent and unexpected passing of my aunt, and so we decided to be sure to ring it in together at all costs. The siblings, the parents, we all got together in our new pajamas and welcomed the year with bleary eyes and big hearts and hugs.  So, my second new year now squared away, it's time to revisit where I am with resolutions.  My list, from January is here:

1. Learn Italian.
Started! Am signed up for the second course, even. Go figure that I got a lovely Italian teacher who a) speaks minimal English, meaning the entire class is in Italiano. Then go figure that we haven't really learned anything linear. Remember when David Sedaris' foray into French? Yeah, like that. 
Sciopero! Il pigiama! Capelli brizzolati! Pigro! (Strike! Pajamas! Salt and pepper hair! Lazy!)

2. Keep healthy but actually tempting foods at home - at all times. 
I wouldn't say "at all times" but I'm better about it! Now if I can just work on that whole "eating while standing up" thing. 

3. Double my business. 
On track.

4. Go to New Orleans.
I'm honoring my bucket list and booked the ticket shortly after the post. Going next week. 

5. Start volunteering again.
I'm talking to some organizations and hope to join a new one here in San Diego soon. Stay tuned (by which I mean, keep bugging me, so I do this).

6. Hands Up
My nails are long, perfectly manicured talons now and if someone starts to look a little too closely, I just do jazz hands. Problem solved.

7. Write Regularly
Obviously not. I am writing very regularly, just not for myself, not in the way I meant by my resolutions. I'm writing constantly for clients. So that's good and it means I'm spending my days largely doing what I love. But I'll get there. Need a routine.

8. Do fiftyfifty.me
Doing it! I'm 10 movies, 7 books in. You think I watched the Journey documentary for my health?

9. Unplug more
Not yet. Not even close, although now I want to more. It'll come.

10. Get better at wasting time
I haven't gotten great at wasting time, but courtesy of my entire college experience, I'm sure I have it in me somewhere. I have, though, gotten better at prioritizing what's important to me. And that feels somehow more important.

New Year's Resolutions 2013

Time to do the recap of 2012's resolutions and see just where I fell. Here's my post from last year, with my list of intentions for 2012. Recap below, with commentary. (Always with commentary.)

Posting my new ones because there's nothing like publicly painting yourself into a corner. So now I have to see them through.

THE OLD YEAR 

1) Do more yoga. I wanted to learn a headstand, which I did not get to. I did, however, for half of the year, go to hot yoga religiously.  

2) Don't eat standing up. Did so-so on this one. Eating on the run is apparently a way of life for me.

3) Do fiftyfifty.me

Done and done! Read my recap of 50 books read and 50 movies watched here. I had wanted to finish reading Kundera's bibliography, but I got stuck on The Joke (still am). Maybe next year.

4) Go new places.

Did this! I didn't get to Africa or the California parks like I'd hoped, but I did get to Milan, Stuttgart, Lugano, and Lucerne, among others. Not complaining.

5) Find somewhere new to volunteer.

I found it, now I need to do it ;)

6) Respond to emails within 24 hours.

If you have emailed me over the past year, you are laughing as you read this. 

7) Use the phone more. Actually connect with people.

I actually did this!

8) Entertain in the home more.

Did not do this at all, outside of Celebrity Trash Book Club. Like, not even slightly. That's it, you're all invited over.

9) Travel with a guy I am excited to travel with. 

Last year I set a goal to go on an awesome vacation in 2012 - not with my girlfriends (amazing and fun travel companions though they are). And I did it. I had distinguished, awesome male company.  But note to me, next time I need to clarify that I want to travel with a man I am romantically involved with. Because said trip, while brilliant, was with my father. Har har, universe!  

But in a most literal sense I guess I can cross this off. Plus, going to see Germany through my Dad's eyes (he went to school there) was on my Bucket List, so I appreciate it on many levels. Done and done.

10) Develop a new talent.

As-yet undiscovered.

11) Write more.

Wrote a little bit more, including a new column for Zan Magazine which is a dream come true.  This year- even more. 

THE NEW YEAR

1. Learn Italian.

Already signed up. Here we go!

2. Keep healthy but actually tempting foods at home - at all times. 
If someone ever memorializes me in a painting, they wouldn't be off-base to do the flourescent glow of my face peering into a mostly-empty fridge after a long day at work. I want a full fridge, all the time! And when I say "actually tempting" I mean "not rice cakes". 

3. Double my business. 

4. Go to New Orleans.
I have been putting off a trip to New Orleans for years, and it's time to go sit in a bar and listen to some jazz. The bucket list so requires.

5. Start volunteering again.
I work with Real Medicine Foundation regularly, but I miss the hands-on volunteer experience. Going to get back into it this year, and may train to be a court-appointed special advocate for foster kids (CASA).

6. Hands Up
Had the horrifying realization that age shows on hands more than face. Must address promptly. My paws are NOT giving me away.

7. Write Regularly
If I applied the consistency of my coffee breaks to my writing routine, I'd be a pro by now.

8. Do fiftyfifty.me
This (www.fiftyfifty.me) was one of my favorite resolutions last year - obviously it's the one I really stuck to.  Can't wait to do it again. Which means I should probably start, so that December isn't spent in a full-on panic again.

9. Unplug more
I'm already dreading publishing this list because I already know the people who will make a snarky comment about this when I pick up my phone to check a text. I will unplug on my terms, but I will do it - regularly. I'm sick of my tracking device, aren't you?

10. Get better at wasting time.
Done living life in a rush, multitasking, etc. This year, we     b   r   e   a   t   h   e .
Time I spend being "productive" is better spent with family and friends, honestly.
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."



Resolutions that did not make the above list:
-Lose the sarcasm
-Get a 6 pack (except the beer kind. That I will always be up for)
-Drink water (implies that coffee is not water?!)

Fiftyfifty.me 2012: DONE!

I FINISHED FIFTYFIFTY.ME!

They said it couldn't be done.
They called us crazy.
In some cases they just called us losers.

Me: "Dad, are you going to join us and do Fiftyfifty.me?!"
Dad: "NO. Unlike you guys, I have a life!!!!!!"

My fiftyfifty.me started like this - Jon Yang came up with this brilliant idea to read 50 books and watch 50 movies during the year. Inspired, I got the idea that not only would I want to join him (because it sounded like a massive nerdy undertaking, and therefore, just my sort of thing), but perhaps others would too. Looking at our site now, 355 people publicly signed on, with others doing it on the wings.

And here we are, one by one, crossing the finish line.

As you can imagine, my brain is a little bit fried (particularly as I lived the month of December in a state of college finals-style panic). But here's the list! ** denotes favorites.

BOOKS:
1) The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Agatha Christie)
2) Knowing Your Value (Mika Brzezinski) **
3) Before I Go to Sleep (SJ Watson)
4) The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight (Jennifer E Smith)
5) The Tiger's Wife (Tea Obreht)
6) Yeah, I Said It (Wanda Sykes) **
7) Food Rules (Michael Pollan)
8) Ender's Game (Orson Scott Card)
9) Before the Mortgage (ed. Christina Amini & Rachel Hutton)
10) Divergent (Veronica Roth)
11) Lions of Little Rock (Kristin Levine) ** (Loved this one. Read my review here)
12) Stories I Only Tell My Friends (Rob Lowe)
13) StoriTelling (Tori Spelling)
14) Uglies (Scott Westerfield)
15) The Little White Care
16) L'Amant (Marguerite Duras)
17) Fifty Shades of Crap Grey
18) The Story Behind the Song
19) Scar Tissue (Anthony Kiedis)
20) Trinity (Leon Uris)
21) Trinity (Leon Uris. 900 pages)
22) But Enough About Me (Jancee Dunn)
23) Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn) **
24) I Feel Bad About My Neck (Nora Ephron) **
25) Ten Things We Did (and Probably Shouldn't Have) - (Sarah Mylnowski)
26) The Lover's Dictionary (Devid Levithan)
27) I Remember Nothing (and Other Reflections) - (Nora Ephron)
28) Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk (David Sedaris)
29) The Game (Neil Strauss)
30) The Girl in the Flammable Skirt (Aimee Bender)
31) As Husbands Go (Susan Isaacs)
32) Code Name Verity
33) The Giver (Lois Lowry)
34) Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (Mindy Kaling)
35) Where'd You Go, Bernadette? (Maria Semple)
36) More Baths, Less Talking (Nick Hornby)
37) Soulacoaster (R Kelly)
38) The Fault In Our Stars (John Green) **
39) How to Be a Woman (Caitlin Moran) **
40) The Affair (Lee Child)
41) Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
42) Tiny Beautiful Things (Cheryl Strayed) ** (Obsessed. Read my review here)
43) Seriously, I'm Kidding (Ellen Degeneres)
44) Confessions of a Video Vixen (Karrine Steffans)
45) Maus (Art Spiegelman)
46) Not Dead & Not For Sale (Scott Weiland)
47) Cool, Calm and Contentious (Merrill Markoe)
48) In the Bag (Kate Klise)
49) Smut (Alan Bennett)
50) For the Love of Letters (Samara O'Shea)

Alternates:
You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero (Bob Powers)/ Choose Your Own Adventure for adults
The Moon Daughter, Zoe Ghahremani (Pub date: 2013)

MOVIES:
1) Timer **
2) Absurdistan
3) Muppets **
4) Gattaca
5) A Separation **
6) The Artist **
7) In Time
8) W/E ** (one of my absolute favorite films this year)
9) The Joneses
10) Iron Lady
11) Friends with Kids
12) Being Elmo
13) Hunger Games
14) I Do
15) In the Land of Blood and Honey
16) Rue Cases-Negres
17) The Best Marigold Hotel
18) The Grey
19) Rock of Ages **
20) The Dictator
21) Little Manhattan **
22) The Intouchables (I haven't shut up about this since seeing it)
23) Dark Knight Rises
24) The Descendants
25) Serious Moonlight
26) Ruby Sparks
27) From Rome with Love
28) Up
29) Magic Mike
30) The Names of Love
31) Moonrise Kingdom
32) Mirror Mirror
33) The Runaway Bride
34) Argo
35) The Sessions (The only reason I didn't walk out of this movie was fiftyfifty.me)
36) First Position **
37) Katy Perry: Part of Me [oh no she didn't. oh yes, she did]
38) Limitless
39) Anna Karenina **
40) Dumb and Dumber (had somehow never seen this)
41) Manon des Sources
42) Out of Sight
43) Rebound
44) Still Bill
45) No Strings Attached
46) Five Year Engagement
47) Safety Not Guaranteed
48) Les Miserables
49) Lincoln
50) Happy

Post-Game Wrapup:
In what is no surprise to anyone who knows me, it was harder for me to get around to the movies than the books. People ask if we cheat and read children's picture books, etc. to get the count up. No, although I did foray into Young Adult books on a few occasions (The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green, is one of the best books I've read in recent years, actually). And I definitely generally found myself more willing to throw a book aside (or turn off a movie) if it wasn't doing the trick. Getting stuck and bored is one of the reasons people turn away from reading, I think, so I managed to avoid that almost completely.

In general I was so eager to hit the numbers that I gobbled up whatever came my way, which made it a much more interesting year of reading, taking in recommendations from other people at a pace I've never done before. In the end, it's a complete mash of topics and quality, but it was also, without a doubt, fun as hell.

I am most definitely signing on to do this for 2013. Starting tomorrow, in fact. No rest for the wicked, I say.

Why You Should Stop Everything and Read: Tiny Beautiful Things

 

I can list on one hand the number of books that have left me breathless and in tears.  The most recent is Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things, a compilation from her Dear Sugar column.  I had seen the book around, but didn't think much of it.  From the cover I thought it might be a shallow dating column from some women's magazine that was already full of enough junk advice that I didn't need more. How mistaken I was.

I opened Tiny Beautiful Things a couple of days ago and entered a world in which people write in to confess and and try to make sense of their sins, or their deepest fears and insecurities, or their latest personal tragedy, with a complete stranger who responds each and every time with a logic, compassion, and a tapestry of words so beautiful that I found myself literally breathless.

Although she could have just doled out some smartly-written advice, the brilliance in the column is in how far she goes into the trenches with her readers.  She scrapes up the very personal memories and stories, the lessons and experiences we, as strangers, have absolutely no right to access, and lays them before us, like a most patient teacher, so that we may learn something.  She doesn't flinch as she offers up her scars, so we can run a finger along them, perhaps even recoil, before looking again. Closely. 

While I have been reading Tiny Beautiful Things I have been consumed by the themes, the plot lines of the letters, and the stories Strayed used to convey her ultimate advice. Consumed, I tell you. I hadn't even finished the book before I'd bought a few copies to fire off to friends, and as I read I kept a mental tally of the others who will find it under their Christmas trees, in their birthday gifts, slipped to them in a moment when they need it most.

I realize I'm being vague here, and it's a conscious effort not to spoil the reading experience that I hope you will have after reading this.  I understood why certain topics hit home with me, but what of the others? How was I so affected by stories of marital infidelity, of grief after the loss of a child, of dealing with middle-aged body image issues, situations that couldn't be further from my realities?

This, my friends, is the key to good writing.  We often talk about fiction being transcendent, but I don't think we talk enough about nonfiction and its ability to bring us into other people's stories and lives and make us feel their pain for the moments we share. Dear Sugar's advice is directed at the person who has written in, but in the same way that a parent will say something to a spouse fully knowing the child is listening in.  It is written to them, but entirely for our benefit.

Under the layers of jealousy or greed or regret or guilt or anger, or the hundred other emotions swept onto these pages is an underlying theme that we choose how we live. We do not choose our circumstances or the hand we're dealt - and as you read letter pile up on letter, you realize that, no matter how wildly different our lives come out, everyone has problems, everyone has difficult choices to make. Although the details of our individual lives couldn't be more different, the themes are shockingly similar. 

I'm convinced that each reader will take something different away from this book. Me? This: We do not choose some of the detours or roadblocks or  forks in the road, but we choose how we proceed. We choose how much compassion and patience we bring to the most difficult circumstances. It isn't meant to be easy, but it can be done. Most importantly, we choose how we work forgiveness - of others and of ourselves - into the narrative of our lives. 

This book may, like me, make you tear up in public - repeatedly. But it will be worth every tightening of the chest, every locked-away story or memory that comes up to visit you. Promise. 

Flight Response

Lately I've been talking with friends about people who suddenly announce they're up and moving.  I've always been slightly suspicious of it, perhaps because I did this once upon a time in an almost overnight move to San Francisco. I immediately identify this (project it?) as escapism, whether or not it is.

So what does it mean when today, on an absolutely gorgeous day in San Diego, I'm the one with the overwhelming urge to be anywhere else?  Last weekend I was up in LA, both for work and pleasure, and the time flew. Before I knew it I had been there for 3 full days and nights, had been all over town, had seen so many people and done so much. I just felt busy and happy. As I drove home, I was excited to return to my routine and the relaxed life I have created, but then I realized how quiet my life here is.  I was in LA for my 10 year reunion and I think the idea of having been in San Diego for a decade now struck me. I've never lived anywhere this long (except my childhood home); was it deliberate or just by chance?

Sometimes I wonder if I got to San Diego too early. It's an incredible city and absolutely the one I want to spend my later years in. But was showing up here in my 20s right for me? Do I want to be here forever, nonstop? Am I never going to live in a huge metropolitan city again? I guess if you think about anything like that it's overwhelming.

My 10 year personal retrospective is further pressed by the fact that it seems like more and more people are moving away, something I have a hard time with for a number of reasons (see why I hate goodbyes), and meanwhile, others get married and develop universes of their own, which in some ways is a moving-on.  My mom always told me to hurry up and get married because "Your friends are all around you and going out all the time so you don't notice right now - but they won't always be around" and I thought she had it all wrong. Unfathomable! But as I spent a quiet afternoon at a cafe with my thoughts today, I wonder if maybe she's right. Now, I don't think marriage is a solution to very much in this life, it's more of a parallel adventure, but I guess when someone is annoying you and not doing his laundry or fighting over bills, at least you're occupied. It's never been my style to be in a relationship just to be in one, so unfortunately that strategy won't work, but I'm surprised at how right she was that no matter how close you are with people, they are going to spin off into their own lives eventually. Nothing can be forever.

Despite my vague threats, I don't think I'll get up and move anywhere, at least not without a bigger reason, because after my SF experience I realized that ultimately your boredom, thoughts, feelings - they all go with you. A place can only entertain you for so long; your reality is right there in the suitcase or moving boxes with you. You can't move because you think there will be more people to entertain you - you have to be the entertaining one, or, as my mom says "Only boring people get bored."  I shudder to think of becoming boring.

My brother always says [apparently my family gives a lot of advice] to pick a city you'd like even if you didn't know anyone there, and I think that's why San Diego has been home to me for so long - it's that city for me.  It's a city that I love more and more with each passing year, with every hike I take or new restaurant I discover.  But I guess I've been so busy setting up my new company and being involved in 1001 other things that when I stopped for a moment to just relax, I wished there were more people around to do that with, who get it.

In other news, when this happens I usually just take on another crazy endeavor to entertain myself, and the feeling passes. Might be time to revisit the bucket list.

What Drives Me.

This weekend I went to the AIGA Y Conference in San Diego. I didn't go because I'm an artist (which, as anyone who has seen me play Draw Something can affirm, I most certainly am not). I didn't even go because I know an artist. I went because I think it's important to try something different on for size, and I was curious to see what I'd learn.

"Art is the only subject you see from the moment you wake up til you go to sleep." - Nancy Rouemy

The verdict was favorable: If you have the opportunity to check one out, I would. Y Conference, in its 17th year, involves inspiring talks from the most interesting group of people - a mix of artists, designers, and entrepreneurs who each bring something different to the conversation.  You run the risk of developing delusions that you, too, could put hundreds of hours into artwork and produce something palatable. You will leave overflowing with ideas and inspiration, no matter your field.

Personally, I went in to Y Conference not recognizing a single name on the roster (this is incomprehensible to my artistic friends, but hey, I never asked you to name our Supreme Court justices).  Although I had walked in a blank slate, I left with a notebook full of ideas, quotes, and impressions.  When I got in my car for the final time, I was converted into a huge admirer of Karim Rachid's work and philosophies, and a fan of both Andrea Dezsö's artistic range and sense of humor.  I was in awe of Eben Bayer's ability to remind us that the most complex technology, the kind we don't even think could exist, was created by Mother Nature long ago (check out cuttlefish, then check out his company Ecovative Design).  And impressed by both Andrew Byrom and Nancy Rouemy's abilities to bring the challenges of their artistic endeavors to a level that the common village idiot (here: me) could understand, among many others.

                                             "Art is time made visible." - Andrea Dezsö

Attend one of these conferences and you'll leave with a better understanding of the intense work artists and designers put into the world around you.  It draws your attention, for 48 steady hours, to the thoughtful way people around us approach not just artwork but product design, products you put your hands on every day without thinking twice, so that you won't think twice. It really is astounding.  Let me go ahead and make a sweeping statement here: it changed the way I see everything.

"Everything you look at has art -- or lack of art -- in it." -- from Nancy Rouemy's talk 

The theme of the conference was What Drives You? To start with: my sister's Toyota. At 7 in the morning. That's what drove me there, anyhow. But as each speaker got on stage to discuss what drove them, I began to wonder what drives me in life, as opposed to up the 5N. So here's the list, or what I think is the list, Dr. Freud:

Affection. Wanting people around me to be happy. Wanting to show love. Wanting to share all this love in me with other people.
The Written Word. The sound, rules, and playfulness of language.
Understanding. Understanding concepts, understanding people. Feeling understood.
Happiness. As physically expressed. I will do almost anything for a smile.
Optimism. Sometimes relentless. Sometimes misplaced. But always there.
Approval. Appreciation. Sometimes separately, sometimes together. Just being honest.
Collaboration and connection. 
Growth. Not physical, gave up on that a long time ago! Here I mean growth as in learning something new, accomplishing something different. Rather than just poking around for exploration's sake. I'm not curious for curiosity's sake enough (other than up and going to a professional conference I have no business being at). Adventure. 

But what if, like most of the speakers, I just limited it to one? That's the tough part. Which one is really in the driver's seat?

What drives you?

     "The more you look, the more you can use what you see." - Nancy Rouemy

Spring Cleaning

For Persian New Year ("Nowrooz") we celebrate the first day of spring.  This involves a thorough house cleaning that one might suspect was invented by tricky parents to get kids to clean their rooms worldwide.  But apparently it really is a thing.  So this year I put aside the laptop and my neverending stack of work and got to it.

My Top 10 Spring Cleaning Finds, 2012:

1) A tee shirt from a "graffiti party" Sigma Kappa sorority bar crawl. What this means is that 72+ sorority women were given white tee shirts and permanent markers, set on a course working their way through a row of college bars, writing on each other all the while.  It was both horrifying and hilarious to read this shirt.  While I am impressed that my friends could still spell at a time like this, I am horrified that I have kept it.  On one piece of cotton there were so many memories that made me laugh out loud, then shudder, then roll the shirt up and squish it back in the box.

2) Letters from summer camp.  I didn't remember who had written to me, but there was the evidence of people who cared about me way more than I've ever given them credit for.  There was also a pretty hilarious letter from my dad on massive GASTROINTESTINAL RADIOLOGY journal stationery.  Clearly that was kept.  The only thing better would be if I could find a stockpile of the blank stationery itself...

3) French camp song list.  Just in case I ever need to sing in French about rowing, I'm all set. Phew.

4) A love letter.  I've been reading For The Love Of Letters by Samara O'Shea and had just read the chapter where she talks about how to write a love letter.  She talks about the variations it can take, and gives examples. I sighed, feeling all sorry for myself as I read a letter Keats had written.  I wanted a love letter! I wanted someone to pour their heart out on the page.  Fast forward one day, and what pops out of the box but a letter in such detail and emotion that I'm floored I forgot it was ever sent to me. It wasn't written on a scroll as I'd hoped and imagined for, but it was in an oversized thank you card and included an insert grading the aspects of what a great tour guide and companion I was on the visit.

Years later I read it with different eyes than the lovesick girl who would have received it then. It was really quite sweet. I kept it.

5) My sister's childhood drawings. Saved those for eBay. (I kid, Susie, I kid! Or do I?...)

6) My own drawings. I liked drawing the Guns n Roses logo. Over and over and over again.  Some people got their edge by drinking Nighttrain or wailing on their guitar. Rebel that I am... I sharpened my pencil.

7) Postcard from my brother, when he was just learning to write, approx 4 yrs old. I heart you was the main messaging.  I miss when he was little and had such an easy time telling me that.

8) Stories upon stories upon stories. I used to love writing fiction and wrote all the time; it just poured out of me.  Somehow after college I stopped writing completely. I blame this on the spirit-thrashing that is the law school experience. I found a script I had begun writing with a friend in high school.  He's no longer with us, and I will keep those yellow papers forever if for that reason only.  And to remind myself that once upon a time I thought it was appropriate to include Soul Asylum as the lead track in our movie.

9) College essays offering clear evidence that I was more intelligent and articulate in my late teens than I am now.
I wondered why I would possibly hand in a medieval English paper called "Let's Talk About Sex" and then remembered a friend and I challenged each another to incorporate totally off the wall phrasing into our boring papers.  "Handsome young buck" was one I threw him.

10) A signed and dated document by my dad regretting a certain Presidential vote. A personal treasure.

The point of spring cleaning is to clear things out, to wipe off the dust, to throw things away.  What I found myself doing was spring cleaning my memories. I pulled them out of the box one by one, dusting them off, holding them up to the light, and putting them right back in the box they had come from.

I can't wait to find all of this all over again.

The Lions of Little Rock. And me.

The Lions of Little Rock by Kristin Levine (book #11 for fiftyfifty.me!) is a stellar Young Adult novel that was recommended to me by a friend. But recommendations can really be hit or miss. After its never-ending series of critical kudos, I was relieved to be assured I was in for a good read. What I did not realize was that it would also stir something very personal in me.

The story takes place in 1958 Arkansas, after the Little Rock Nine, and during a time when local schools inexplicably continued to struggle with whether to stay open if they had to be integrated. More specifically, it is the tale of two young girls, Marlee and Liz. Marlee, who has been shy her whole life, finds reason to open up to Liz, the new kid. But no sooner have they forged this important friendship than Liz disappears from her school.  We learn immediately that she was "passing" as a white, and has been found out. These plots points set the backdrop for a fascinating, educational story of a time where you were white or black, period, and where the category you fell in very strictly delineated your opportunities and social circles.

This novel also gives readers - or hey, me - an opportunity to consider what it might feel like to be forced into a category. Worse yet: what it might be like to be notified that you don't fall into the "appreciated" categories; to know deep down that you are an outsider and yet not want to call attention to that fact.

As the new magnum opus stupidus Shahs of Sunset prepares to air on Bravo TV and humiliate me, desecrating all that's holy about my centuries-old culture (thank you, Ryan Seacrest), I am forced to think about whether we've really come all that far from the days of segregation. Supposedly, the show will showcase a different side of Persians. The pitch amounts to: Iranians aren't all  bearded anti-American freaks! No! They party and sell real estate -- they're just like us!

Horrifying, really.

Yet the recent addition of this show to America's cultural lineup proves a fact I often comment upon: Middle Easterners are the last minority you can be openly racist about. Under the guise of railing against the sliver of the population that behaves violently, people post hatred and spit vitriol left and right. To add a little insult to injury, they do so generally. I have yet to meet more than 5 Americans who realize Iranians aren't Arab. They don't bother having to know because it doesn't matter to them. But we all know Chinese people aren't Japanese. You don't need to know much about the nuances of Middle Eastern culture or country boundaries here, because they're all clumped together as evil.

Recently, while reading the comments section of a news article about the tensions between Iran and other nations, my jaw dropped as I read what people had written.  It's not ok to do this with blacks, Latinos, or Asians - if someone wrote about blasting another race off the earth, my guess is the news outlet would have moderated the comment (read: edited it out). But it's open season (since the 1970s) on anyone of Middle Eastern heritage. Born and raised here, I have actually professionally vowed to uphold American law, which is more than I can say for a lot of other citizens, and yet I'm the outsider? Because my hair is black or my grandparents lived on a different continent?

To be clear, I do not mean to say that the level of segregation, racism, or torment even remotely approaches that of African Americans in the 1950s (or before. or after), but simply to say that perhaps we shouldn't pat ourselves on the back just yet. That maybe American still has some lessons to learn about equality and acceptance and entitlement -- and kindness.

Turning the pages of Kristin Levine's novel, I was reminded of my time at law school; the Towers had just fallen and, out of concern for the heightened tension in the corridors and violent commentary, a group of Near Eastern students requested a meeting with the then-Dean. At a time when people who even looked Middle Eastern were being attacked nationwide and when his own students who wore hejab (a scarf to cover a woman's hair, which some believe is required by the religion) required escorts for safety, it took him over a week to take the meeting.

When we finally sat down, we began telling him our tales- vicious and worrying comments made in the student lounge, or in one case, aimed at a prominent Middle Eastern professor. Our concerns were met by his dismissal- he quickly reminded us that he considered himself a First Amendment scholar and felt that people had a blanket right to freedom of speech (any scholar will tell you freedom of speech isn't that cut and dry, but I don't pretend this gentleman was a scholar of that sort.)

IN ANY CASE, he sat back and said:

 "I had no idea there were so many of you here."

He spoke as if, unbeknownst to him, we had "passed"; we had been admitted and walked the halls -- as if we didn't deserve to be there. There were one million things he could have said, or should have said, and yet this was what he used his breath to utter.  A case of one person absentmindedly speaking his mind, but he's certainly not the only one who thinks that way. I daresay he wouldn't have taken this same liberty with La Raza in the room or any other ethnic student group. But Middle Easterners aren't so popular these days, so looser lips abound.

I read The Lions of Little Rock as I filled out an application that required me to fill in the bubble for race. It is something I always struggle with - to me, the options seem limited.  We can identify as White, Latino, African-American, Asian, Native American, or Unwilling to Disclose.  And so this becomes my cultural identity: Unwilling to Disclose. No one in this country treats me as if they think I'm white (as if white is still the prize or necessity to contribute to and participate in the community), and I hesitate to fill it in every time, so I don't.

The Lions of Little Rock is a powerful book for so many reasons. On the surface it is a sweet, thoughtful tale, and one might mistakenly file it away as historical fiction and believe that the lessons end there.  But the point is that the story is important to us today, and will be every day until we properly square away our racial issues. One can only hope that a unique book like this contributes to a gentler younger generation, one that approaches each and every member of their classroom with more interest and understanding.  Not just the black children- all children who look a little bit different than them, or act a little bit different. It is a tale of acceptance that I guess I wish more adults would read and learn from.

As much as I loved this story and its message of hope, the author couldn't understand me more than when she writes her final words and reminds us: we still have a long way to go.

My Culture Consumption: Roundup #1

January was a doozy over here in this thing called life.  It was a chance to think long and hard about what is important, so before you dive into reading this post, do me a favor and go text someone you love. (I'd say call them, but let's take baby steps)

I'm going to follow the footsteps of my blogging muse and just dive in on this one, My Culture Consumption: Roundup #1 (Jan - early Feb edition).

Although the month of January threw some curve balls, it also had some high points and I remained steadfast in my dedication to fiftyfifty.me.
 
Since I last wrote, I have read 3 new books:

*The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight (book #4)
*Food Rules: An Eater's Manual (book #5)
*The Tiger's Wife (book #6)


Now, at first glance you might think I read 2 self help books and yet another trashy celeb bio, but this is not the case!   

best. title. ever

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight
by Jennifer E. Smith

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight is a sweet and simple YA (young adult, ye non-literary friends in the house) novel about a boy and girl who meet at an airport, and what transpires over the course of the next 24 hours.  As someone who can be easily sold on concept, I loved where she went with it, and the clever title had me from the get-go.  It is not a question of if this movie will be made into a movie, but when.

Of course, it made me wonder what the statistical probability of love at first sight would actually be.  Ooh, and would the same thing happen to me on my flight the next week?  Not so much.  In a very symbolic moment about my life, I ended up on the flight where the dude behind me was eating a tuna sandwich. 


The Tiger's Wife 
by Tea Obreht

Books that get a gazillion accolades are truly hit or miss.  When I started this one, I got worried. Beautiful cover, 1001 quotes from adoring literary superstars... how would it deliver?  And for the first 50 pages, I'll be honest, it didn't.  I actually described it to others as "literary molasses".  But then the pieces started to come together and I settled into the rhythm of the way the story is braided, and it became more enjoyable.  What was most impressive to me was she had created a fairytale for adults.  It was unlike anything else I had read, and the depths of her imagination, while at first alienating to me, became astounding.

eat these, for example.

 Food Rules: An Eater's Manual 
by Michael Pollan


You'd look at the title and think I could write this one, but it turns out it stumped even me.  Apparently food that comes in through the window of your car is not food??  Wish I got the memo before swinging into Jack in the Box yet again. A straightforward compilation of common wisdom regarding eating and health.  We've heard some of these items over and again (women's magazines recycle these tips every month, do they not?) And yet the brilliance of the delivery is in the simplicity.  I've been cooking at home nonstop since reading it, so it must have worked. Quick, someone take a picture!


Movie-wise I've been slacking.  I saw The Muppets (movie #3), the new one with never-lets-me-down Jason Segel and Amy Adams.  Then I went on a movie hiatus as I spent hours of my sweet youth watching Downton Abbey (worth 0 pts on fiftyfifty.me, but worth a million to my internal romantic)  The Muppets was fantastic because it was delivered in a self-conscious style that allowed it to be self-deprecating and fun; from the start the movie makes you aware that they KNOW it won't live up to traditional Muppet movies, but you're going to have fun with it anyways.  And we did. 

Yesterday I tried to pick up the pace, and watched Gattaca (movie #4) last night, starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman.  Then today I went to see A Separation (movie #5), the Iranian film that has been nominated for the Best Foreign Film Oscar as well as Best Screenplay.

One of these was significantly better than the other, in my opinion. That would be the one where Uma Thurman is not playing the ideal woman. (Seriously, she's cute but how are there not one but TWO movies centered on this theme?) 

Set in a future society obsessed with human perfection, I liked the issues that Gattaca raises.  It was interesting to watch it so many years after its release; at the time when it came out I'm sure people weren't yet testing to see what gender baby they could conceive, strategizing for a child's best success via selecting the "right" donor at the bank, etc.  So  I'm sure my experience is different, watching it in a time and place (now) where this testing isn't that much of a wild concept. And perhaps that's what made it even creepier, less of a sci-fi and more of a social warning.  So they had concept and the cinematography was beautiful -- but for me the acting fell flat.  All I could think of was how happy I was for these two boring people that they found each other.  I wanted to do away with the other two and just watch Jude Law, charming as ever. Of course the one interesting one self-incinerates, of course.


A Separation probably deserves a post of its own.

The story, written and directed by Asghar Farhadi, is about a man and woman who are in the process of divorcing- they separate and he is left to raise their daughter and to find care for his father, who is suffering from Alzheimer's.  The plot spirals out from there, examining the ripple effects of our actions.  The film introduces a cast of absorbing characters through strong acting, heavy but well-delivered themes, and storyline that will stay with you long after you leave the cinema.

A Separation deserves the accolades it has been getting. But here's the thing: it's not a good movie despite its being from Iran, which I fear is what some people think.  It is a good movie because it is done with heart and with universal themes and characters you can readily relate to, however wildly different their circumstances might be from your own.

For me, the movie and its social ecosystem it reflects is symbolic of Iran (and the world) as a whole- it's much more complex than you could possibly imagine at first glance.

Nothing is simple. cc: Politicians of the world.

Book #3: Before I Go To Sleep

Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson

My rating: 3.5 or 4 of 5 stars
Book #3 for my fiftyfifty.me!

Fact: I could only read this book with all the lights on and never right before sleep. Tonight I stayed up reading because I couldn't bear the thought of having it haunt me any longer!

Additional fact: when I described the plot to my mom, she was sure she had seen it on Lifetime at some point.  So just so you have a sense of what we're dealing with here.

To that end, it meets the definition of a good thriller: a great hook, strong pacing, and it scares the daylights out of you.  The setup reminded me a little bit of Wait Until Dark, a movie you should see if you haven't.  Same as in that film, here a woman is deprived of a main sense/function- here, her memory. Every day she learns, and every night when she sleeps, she will forget.

See what I'm talking about?!

It definitely held my interest- it's at least a solid 3.5, probably a 4.  I found myself rushing forward, needing to know just what the hell was going on!  You get points for that, people.

I should probably read this next.

I imagine it's a challenge for a novelist to write the novel of an amnesiac and not bore your reader to tears as the days are repeated; it's well done here.  Good mass market-style fiction. Oh, and try not to compare it to the movie Momento: That'll be a losing bet. 

For those of you not inclined to the literary arts, I did check and thankfully this is not a Lifetime movie (that I know of, or at least by this title). It is categorized as "in development" on IMDB.  But secretly, part of me is hoping Lifetime does make a movie even sooner.  And if it could star Nancy McKeon or Meredith Baxter Birney, all the better!  When I'm done posting this I'll write Lifetime a letter.

Anyhow, it kept me on the edge of my seat with heart palpitations for 3 days straight.  I'm considering this book my cardiovascular activity for the week!

Book #2: Knowing Your Value

Knowing Your Value: Negotiating Your Way to the Salary You Deserve by Mika Brzezinski

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A friend recommended this to me on our Colombia trip.  Because she's a writer whose career I admire, I decided to pick it up.  But let's be clear: I wasn't really looking forward to it.  I thought of it as medicine I should take along the way for my career.  I picked up my copy at the local library (yay library!) and was impressed by the fierce woman on the cover.  And so I began... and just a few pages in, I knew this was one of those books I'd be talking about for ages to come.

Knowing Your Value should be required reading for any woman who plans on, you know, ever having a job. It isn't about putting a # on your value but on realizing that the traditional ways that women communicate and relate- which often serve us well in our daily lives - actually work very much against us in the work environment. And an important point: it's not about men vs. women, it's about women as their own worst enemy.

First of all, Mika is extremely likeable and easy to identify with. I knew nothing about her, but now have set my tv to record her show, that sort of thing. Her analysis isn't written from a patronizing point of view (memo to every other advice author) but rather from the angle of someone who has been through a lot and had to earn her lesson-learning the hard way. Her humility is engaging, and inspiring (hey, if she ends up sitting on the desk for her book cover, so could you!)

Secondly, she pulls in a pool of high profile executives who corroborate what she says in their own ways. So the book ends up feeling like a star-studded focus group, complete with Carol Bartz's foul language, or Trump admitting that if you ask him for too much he'll probably fire you anyhow. It gives what she says additional validity, and more scenarios you are likely to identify with.  What do women say that men would never say to themselves?  What do men ask for that gets them the higher salaries? What are the possible reasons for those payment disparities we always hear about?  How does motherhood affect the equation?

There were so many quotable passages in here.  I found myself constantly bringing it up in conversation as I came to terms with how obvious some of the scenarios were, and yet I'd never really noticed them. I will be buying copies and gifting this for a long time to come.

Girls, get your read on.

Book #1: The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

FINALLY!  Ever since Jon and I created fiftyfifty.me, a reading/movie challenge,  go figure that we got so busy administrating that we haven't gotten a moment to read. And by "we", I mean the royal We here.

The good news is that I just turned the last page of The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie.

Book #1, done!
The bad news: only giving it 2 of 5 stars.  This means "eh".

I have loved other Agatha Christie mysteries but this wasn't a favorite. Too many moving pieces, to begin with.  I kept flipping forward to refer to the cast of characters; only a few stood out to me and to the very end I couldn't really tell the butler from the secretary, for example.  It barreled forward throwing in details out of left field.  Somehow it skidded to a halt that was completely predictable but based on nothing I could have predicted.  Sounds odd to say, but if you read it you'll immediately know what I mean. 

I spent more of the time being confounded and retracing my steps/trying to visualize what was going on than getting to sink into the story or even have a hope of getting my own guesses going.  That said, I enjoyed her writing along the way, even in my complete confusion.

The book setup calls to mind ever-beloved Clue; a mansion, a muuuuuurder, and maps of the layout that you have to ponder over.  However, in the end it just didn't deliver for me.  That said, I believe the book is famous for introducing certain writing devices into mystery.  Click here if (and ONLY if) you want a spoiler, ok? 

Hercule Poirot is a memorable literary character with a pretty awesome name, but I'll stick to the film/tv versions of his subset of Christie tales if they're all like this. 

Will definitely be reading other Agatha Christies for the challenge, I'm sure, but this wasn't the running start I was hoping for!  Oh well, I suppose it sets the bar low- my next 49 books better deliver or else.