ONE FISH, TWO FISH, RED STATE, BLUE STATE

Belatedly, please allow me to throw my hat into the political blogging ring. "If everyone else is doing it, why can't I?"

CNN just announced that Iowa isn't going to give a call til tomorrow. Why? Because of the "fatigue" of poll workers. You know what fatigues ME? The fact that millions upon millions of Americans turned up at the polls to make sure, lest there be *any* doubt, that President Bush knows that it's okay to lie to them, okay to wage war on a country composed of defenseless people who have done nothing to you, okay to make unilateral decisions and not offer explanation or remorse. We support you. In some cases, we will stand in line for 9 hours to make sure you know that. Thanks George. The fact that even *one* person felt confident in slipping a ballot with his name firmly bolded in into the box absolutely boggles my mind. THIS is why he smirks. Hell, I would too if I were him.

Perhaps my mind has been, as conservatives love to tout, shaped by liberal institutions. You know, the ones where they let black people and women in. Nudge nudge, wink wink, THOSE liberal institutions. The ones where you know how to knot a tie but are lost on how to chew tobacco like a REAL man. Guilty as charged. This educational path has allegedly encouraged me to look down on people from lower-class middle America who vote against gay marriage when they don't even know a single gay person, and in the process, forget that they'll probably lose their job and, oh yeah, their health care, for doing so.

What I'm left with at this hour of the night is the incomprehensible fact that the future of our country- particularly women's rights, gay rights, and the economy- lie in the hands of Ohio. This raises concerns for me. I've only been a few times, and I have nothing against it. Pretty land, nice Midwestern people. Once through Toledo to go see a Dave Matthews Band show. Then to see Hudson Falls, which had a cute Starbucks. Let us rally this evidence to suggest that they're not *that* far off the beaten path. But honestly, what else do we know about Ohio? Why Ohio when you could have big-breasted Cali or sassy New York -- states that ANY American could find on a map (remember, we're using our 'average voter' as a marker here) -- make our decisions for us? Naturally, as a Wolverine, I fear the future being held in the hands of Buckeyes. For the first time, I'm required to have unrelenting faith in the enemy. But more so, how did this happen? Ohio is The Swan of this election, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

If I didn't love my family so much, I'd move. No question about it. Je parle francais and they like my Persian ass a hell of a lot better there...I have to admit, I did a test run in February. Expensive and rude, comme d'habitude, but the food is good and rednecks are detained at the border. Funny how today it's a *choice* whether I want to stay or go, and with the same Administration next year, they may well come up with another fun policy, perhaps "If your skin don't burn when the sun shines on it, consider yourself deeeeeeeeeeported!"

I wish I could offer something punchy and cute this evening, but I really don't have much. When I feel really down, I remind myself of the St. Louis Cardinals player named Albert Pujols. Rather than leaving it nebulous, he offers a pronunciation key on his website: "poo-holes". Pooholes. Albert Pooholes. That makes me smile. But just a little bit.