SPLIT-SECOND TURKEY-RELATED THOUGHTS

Strikes are apparently the word of the day. I read that some tollworkers out somewhere (New Jersey?) are on strike, so tolls are free. The spirit of rebellion has touched home, however, as my mom is on a culinary strike. This wouldn't normally affect me, as I live on my own. But tomorrow, as some of you may know, is THANKSGIVING. The day upon which I give thanks for her secret stuffing recipe, her mashed potatoes with a touch of milk, and her marshmallows-and-yams combo.

This year I will be giving thanks to some pizza joint. She has decided that, since Susie isn't coming home, she isn't going to cook. On one hand, I can't fault her. She doesn't want to cook for 2.5 people. When I asked her who the half was, she said Cyrus. Which is probably inaccurate attribution, given that my *dad* is the one who eats like an engineering exchange student - ramen noodles, microwaved hot dogs, can of tuna, oh my! Any way she counted it, 2.5 people wasn't worth the effort. And I'm incapable of turkey-basting at this early stage of my budding cooking career, so that's the final word.

So the bottom line is that mom isn't making us turkey this year because of Susie's absence. Let me take a moment to note for posterity that SUSIE IS A VEGETARIAN. So that's some buuuullshit right there.

I keep reminding myself that Thanksgiving is a shitty holiday that was once characterized by betrayal and the passage of diseases, so it makes me want to celebrate that much less. But for real, NO MASHED POTATOES? sigh.