Careerfinders.

There's a great song my sister put on a mix for me called Careerfinders. I'm in Colorado spending yet another weekend toiling away. I know, I complain about it all the time, but while I"m working I"m also fortunate to have my bills paid, myself put up in a comfy plush hotel room, my food prepared, and receive a fair amount of adoration and attention from (at least at this conference!) really kind and talented writers and colleagues.

So I'm not in one of those moods where I"m banging my head on my keyboard going "whywhywhy?" I'm feeling pretty good about my job. But I also am in procrastination mode, so I'm going to blog about something I'm fascinated by- awesome jobs and shitty jobs. Better known as "Jobs I Would Want" vs. "Sucks to Be You." My friend and I used to play this game when we were upset. Now I realize that we were setting ourselves up to be screwed by karma for even thinking like that, but we'd play a game where we'd just list off people whose situations are just shittier than ours. Not just jobs, but say I came home and I had a ton of reading to do and I wasn't feeling like it. M and I would remind me that at least I wasn't stuck in a broken elevator with a full bladder and a guy slipping a slurpee. And so on.

MY JOB LIST: Version 1.0

Job I would want: soundtrack advisor for a film
Why: free music, connections, money, free music. comparisons to Heart's Ann Wilson, who is now married to Cameron Crowe and rocks his soundtrack world.

Job I wouldn't want: bathroom cleaner.
Why: Because even grown women pee on seats and that is grody. Or seriously ladies, how hard is it to flush? I should mention that while i don't want this job I have more respect for bathroom cleaners than most lawyers :)

Job I would want: translator
Why: Ability to understand all types of people, world travel, talent that makes for great conversation, feeling that you're being useful in some way. Language classes as tax deductions. Increased ability to meet hot foreign men.

Job I wouldn't want: parking meter maid
Why: Do I really need to tell you? It's just another functional job in society, one that brings in revenue, punishes people who have done things they shouldn't have, etc., *but* they are perhaps among the most hated people on earth, or perhaps the entire universe. I think the only people who are probably hated more for their jobs are morticians, but at least morticians have some Six Feet Under momentum and their biggest detractors are, well, unable to speak up at the moment.

Job I would want: space consultant/organizer
Why: Because, as my friends and family know, I already do this- I might as well get paid. It makes me NUTS when I go into someone's messy, cramped house. I literally can't focus. Clutter is my kryptonite. Is that weird? That i'd want to be paid to come clean your shit up and get your life back on track?

Job I wouldn't want: bus driver for junior high kids
Why: Take a moment and think back to what a pain in the ass you were, riding in the back of the bus in junior high. You're why.

Job I would want: pop star.
Why: Minimal artistic pressure (they take you into the studio and it's pretty much Karaoke from there on in), maximum performance time and airbrushing.

Job I wouldn't want: anything engineeringy
Why: Do you really want someone who sits with a blank face when the bill arrives and she needs to calculate tip to be the one constructing your buildings? I think not.

Job I would want: Yoga instructor
Why: Right now I'm obsessed with yoga. So this is a "job of the week". The idea of helping people get their lives healthier would be fun, and there's both a physical and in many ways spiritual/psychological element to it. Work virtually in your pjs. Plus I could professionally address the farting epidemic occurring in yoga studios nationwide. That alone could make me a Nobel contender.

Job I wouldn't want: litigator
Why: Had it. Hated it. Paperwork paperwork paperwork. Boring colleagues, boring colorless courthouses. The sinking feeling that no one really 'wins'. Wearing a suit.

Job I would want: working in a bookstore
Why: I could push bookbuying on people and they'd be grateful for it. They'd even ask for it! They'd beg for my recommendations, bow before my enlightening literary suggestions, and come back for more. Plus it would take a lot of pressure off my friends!

Job I wouldn't want: chef
Why: Sheer difficulty. Pressure for presentation and taste. When I (rarely) serve food to people right now it's quickly followed by "I never cook so if you say something shitty about my food right now I hope you starve and I'm never cooking for you again." Something makes me feel that wouldn't go over well at Chez Panisse.

I've been trying to think back to what job assessments always said about me. I think I got "parole officer" more times than is probably normal. And I had lawyer on one that my parents took me to (a professional career assessment) but, in retrospect, I remember that, well, my parents PAID for it :) I don't think Johnson Co in Chicago had the nerve to tell them parole officer for the millionth time. Although they may have been thinking it...

But for now things on the job front are good. I have a few ideas about new types of books I want to take on and what directions I want to take my list in. And I'm on my seasonal hunt for America's Next Top Intern (stay tuned ye Craigslist readers!). Every single day, no matter how crappy my work day is lately (and lately there have been a few) I am grateful to feel so in control of my days and where they're going. I have finally (this had never happened before) experienced the joy of sleeping in til 8:30 a.m. "because I'm the boss of me!". That time spent on GoodReads.com or at Borders is technically "work-related". I'm grateful that my industry (books) gets my heart racing as much now as it did when I was 8 and the bane of the short-red-curly-haired meanie librarian's existence in Highland Park (Seriously, who gives the stink eye to a kid for signing out too many books?!)

And yet it's good to know that I have other ideas in my back pocket, you know, just in case.